Punch the Clock

Clockstoppers slows down time...to a stand-still.

Though it doesn't actually credit H.G. Wells -- much like The Time Machine, whose end credits read only "based on the screenplay by David Duncan"-- Clockstoppers is essentially an update of his short story "The New Accelerator," in which a scientist figures out a way to slow down time to such an extent that everything else moves in super slo-mo even as he runs around at regular speed; in essence, he's moving so fast that to the rest of the world, he's invisible. Points of reference in the story include an obnoxious lady's dog and the wings of a bumblebee, which appear in the movie as well. And to spice things up, Wells' allusions at the end of the story to criminals potentially using the accelerator for ill is more fully fleshed out -- thanks to four screenwriters, who also manage to render tedious what was once a fascinating premise (and a Star Trek episode in 1968, "Wink of an Eye").

Perhaps you've seen the trailer and thought its variation on the now-ubiquitous bullet-time effect seemed neat. But there are two things to consider before paying for the movie. One: This gimmick, made famous in The Matrix, is a very expensive effect necessitating multiple cameras; and two: Clockstoppers is not a big-budget movie. What you see in the preview is virtually all you get in the film. To save some cash, certain scenes were done with actors trying to remain perfectly still; apparently, they didn't realize their normal-speed respiration was quite apparent. The result is laughable.

The story: "Teenager" Zak (Jesse Bradford, who already looked too old for high school in Bring It On), whose absent-minded father (Robin Thomas) ignores him, discovers a watch with the ability to slow down time. Initially using it to impress his new girlfriend, Francesca (Paula Garcés), Zak soon finds himself pursued by a mad scientist (French Stewart, mugging as usual) and a nefarious government loose cannon (Michael Biehn, in a step up from Megiddo: The Omega Code 2).

Will Zak use the watch to outwit his ostensibly smarter opponents? Sorta. Since the budget isn't that big, the watch breaks after the first major chase scene and isn't repaired until the climax. That leaves us with filler; banal asides of Zak trying to woo Francesca, whose Latin-American accent comes and goes; and hanging out with the Token Black Friend (Garikayi Mutambirwa), who's there to break dance and say things like "Off the hook!" (Who knew Not Another Teen Movie would prove so prescient?) Needless to say, there's also a would-be hip soundtrack, featuring Blink-182's "All the Small Things" (which now competes with Smash Mouth's "All-Star" for irritating cinematic ubiquity) and a couple of willfully oddball covers of 1980s hits: Sugar Ray's "Abracadabra" and Uncle Kracker's croaked-out "Time After Time."

Appropriately, Clockstoppers was directed by Trek royalty, Jonathan Frakes, The Next Generation's Commander Riker, who helmed one pretty good Trek film (First Contact) and the worst one in the franchise's history (Insurrection). Clockstoppers makes First Contact look like a fluke; its most redeeming quality is that it's so inoffensive parents can feel OK about taking kids, though E.T. and Ice Age would be better choices. And Frakes can't resist being self-referential: The thoroughly inappropriate line, "Make it so, Number One!" is delivered with relish by the leads. It's a half-baked decision symptomatic of a half-assed film.