Lite Russian

Fiennes' Pushkin adaptation is more off-again than on

Dear Ralph Fiennes:

Enough is enough. I know you have an English accent and a theater background, but it's time to get real: You are a lousy lead. Why no one has told you this yet, I don't know, but the charade must not continue. It's no coincidence that your most acclaimed performances have been in supporting roles as soulless characters, whether as the callous Nazi in Schindler's List or the Aryan patsy in Quiz Show. You've got a loud voice, big hand gestures, and a great stare, but every time you've stepped up into a lead role (The End of the Affair, Strange Days, The English Patient, Oscar and Lucinda, and let us not forget The Avengers), it seems as though there's nothing behind those eyes.

If any movie would be likely to showcase you at your absolute best, it would be Onegin, directed by your sister Martha and based on one of your favorite books. The Russian tale of a bored urban playboy who inherits his uncle's large country estate, only to learn that he really does care about some things, is at least the sort of thing one would expect a classical British actor such as yourself to excel in. Factor in a heavy dose of corsets and repressed emotions, and you've practically got a Merchant-Ivory classic in the making, right?

Wrong. Many viewers actually care about Merchant and Ivory's characters. Martha really, really cares about the beautiful sets and countryside, not to mention the costumes (and it's easy to sympathize; these elements are spectacular), but she seems to have little interest in moving the story along. Additionally, she's hampered not only by having you in the title role, but also by Liv Tyler as the country girl who inexplicably falls for your character. Like every other director who has ever had to justify casting Tyler in a lead role, Martha has made the claim that Liv's "lack of experience or formal training is her great strength; she works intuitively." Okay. But could we at least force her to attend the acting class in which one learns how to articulate the face? Tyler's English accent is passable, but what does that matter in a movie set in Russia? Wouldn't her natural American accent be just as effective as the Queen's English for a story in which all the characters are supposed to be speaking another language anyway?

Martha shows a sure hand during the pistol-duel sequence, staged on a network of walkways across a lake. For a brief moment, the movie becomes tense and exciting, and since we're not supposed to know quite how your character feels, your blankness temporarily becomes an asset. Alas, it's over all too soon. Perhaps Martha's true talent lies in directing suspense or action films. It's hard to judge exactly what she'd be capable of with a better cast. When veteran Shakespearean actress Irene Worth appears briefly, she effortlessly blows the other actors offscreen in much the same manner that Judi Dench did in Shakespeare in Love. Judi had more competition, but both she and Irene demonstrate that personality is what matters most in a performance and that everything else can flow naturally from that.

For some reason, all the technical training in the world hasn't been enough to give you the emotional pulse and personality you need to pull off lead roles like Evgeny Onegin. Take away your English accent and one is left with an enunciating, gesturing void, a sort of humorless William Shatner without the healthy sense of the absurd learned from years on Star Trek. Your fans will no doubt find their hero to be up to his usual standards here, but anyone who craves serious acting should give this film the snubbing it deserves and save their applause for legitimately talented Brits. At one point, a character asks you if you're going to shoot him, and you reply, "Only if you're dull." Under that standard, no one involved with this project should have made it out alive.

Wishing you the best in an alternate career.

Yours, sincerely,

Luke Y. Thompson