I’m trying to decide which one I am at the moment.

Two bleeding holes in my neck. But they’re stitched up.

As my endless quest to be free of doctors continues, I decided I might as well take the opportunity to remove a couple of moles that have always bugged me. They’re on my neck. Or rather, [...]

Usual disclaimers apply:

“In reality, of course, atheism and homosexuality ultimately lead to narcissism and nihilism. People who succumb to them can never be truly nice people. Movies like HEIGHTS that casually accept atheism and homosexuality usually don’t make much money and hopefully never will.”

Here’s a short piece on zombies that I did for Citybeat.

“Now Land of the Dead is finally here, and I’d love to tell you that the master is back to kick ass and take names, but it just isn’t the case. Not that Romero has wimped out – Greg Nicotero’s gore effects are as creatively [...]

The review is up now. Excerpt:

“Martin Lawrence has never exactly been among the world’s more gifted comedians, yet his movies seem to keep raking in the cash, so there must be legions of loyal Lawrenceheads out there somewhere. But even they, who made financial successes of Black Knight and Big Momma’s House and National Security, [...]

…but I haven’t been invited to any. Who’s having one?

Shorter GEORGE W. BUSH: There are terrorists in Madrid, Riyadh, Istanbul, Jakarta, Bali, and Casablanca. Because of them, we’re going to stay in Iraq. 9-11, 9-11, 9-11. Hey, look over there! Libya!

[and while I'm at it...]

Shorter version of Almost Every Semi-Famous Blogger: I’m not a Republican, I’m an independent, because I think gay marriage and [...]

Most of these, I only do because no-one else is.

“Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 in the attacks and prepared for war; liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers” — Karl Rove.

Okay, the “offer therapy” thing is totally stupid, and no [...]

Yeah, so I saw this potentially controversial movie today with a religious nutjob star who has a totally homoerotic vibe, and a director who may be insane, especially if he’s marketing this thing to families…

but enough about my PASSION OF THE CHRIST DVD. I also saw WAR OF THE WORLDS.

(P.S. Totally lying about that PASSION [...]

Chances are you weren’t planning on seeing these anyway…

#THE HONEYMOONERS#

For the love of God, people, some TV shows are simply not suited for the big screen! Especially ones that were tailored to the specific shtick of a comedy star. If we can recast Jackie Gleason’s signature role of Ralph Kramden with Cedric the, ahem, “Entertainer,” [...]

It was fitting to see this one after EARS, OPEN. EYEBALLS, CLICK.

Because this is basically a movie about Shaolin kung-fu boot camp. A trainee must go through 35 chambers, each of which feature seemingly ordinary tasks that actually enhance one’s martial arts ability. Like carrying buckets of water up a steep ramp, with knife blades [...]