Yeah, so I saw this potentially controversial movie today with a religious nutjob star who has a totally homoerotic vibe, and a director who may be insane, especially if he’s marketing this thing to families…
but enough about my PASSION OF THE CHRIST DVD. I also saw WAR OF THE WORLDS.
(P.S. Totally lying about that PASSION thing for the sake of a cheap joke. Father, forgive me.)
There has been a lot of controversy this summer about whether or not the big movies are appropriate for kids. STAR WARS has some scary stuff, BATMAN BEGINS has mature themes…child’s play compared to WAR OF THE WORLDS. See, parents trust Steven Spielberg. Unless he’s making a movie about black people or dead Jews, his stuff these days is usually sickeningly sentimentally suitable for all ages. So if they see his name on this movie, especially since it’s about extraterrestrials, they’ll likely figure it’s okay to bring the little ones.
Dead wrong. Wanna know what the main thrust of the action is in WAR OF THE WORLDS? It’s all about li’l Dakota Fanning being horrendously traumatized over and over again. Granted, those of you who saw HIDE AND SEEK may think she deserves it, but your kids won’t. They’ll be freaked out along with her. It’s only Spielberg and Tom Cruise’s combined clout that keeps the flick from an R rating, I’m guessing. The aliens drink human blood, for God’s sake!
As for the extremely heterosexual motion picture thespian known as Tom Cruise, the movie provides a new explanation for his recent public behavior. Cruise, who likes chicks, plays a crane operator named Ray, who’s a bit of a jerk and a nutcase, prone to talking over people, acting impulsively, and being really judgmental. Is it possible the actor, who definitely does not pound ass, is simply still in character, unable to break from Steven’s excellent direction? Maybe.
Ray’s daughter is played by Dakota, whose character name I forget. Not that she’s playing a character — it’s the same precocious comment/stare widely/scream thing she always does.
The beginnning of the film is the most annoying part. Morgan Freeman delivers some narration here and at the end which borders on camp. Since Freeman isn’t even in the movieas a character, it’s stupider still. Cruise, who apparently loves vaginas, could have read those lines, or Fanning.
Anyway, Ray is a sucky dad, and his ex-wife Miranda Otto is clearly a good mom, except that she leaves her kids with Ray to go off to Boston. Ray has a teenage son played by some actor I’m not familiar with. (I didn’t get a press kit for this screening. Can you tell? Blame Paramount for not putting my name on the list.)
Ray’s kid is working on a paper about the French occupation of Algiers (that’s onea them thar foreshadowing metaphors). And it looks like Indiana Jones’ hat is hanging on Ray’s wall, but thank the baby Jesus he never actually puts it on.
Then there are some freak lightning storms, and a bunch of killer machines that have been buried underground for a million years come to the surface. They’re controlled by Thetan souls trapped by Xenu in volcanoes for eons…oh wait, no, not quite.
They’re tripods, with kind of a retro look to them, and they immediately set about incinerating people. Somehow Ray is the only human being brilliant enough to dodge all their fire, and he gets home to his kids, taking them away in the only car that still works. In yet another piece of incredibly good fortune, even the traffic-clogged interstate always manages to have just enough room for their vehicle to squeak by. The goal is to get to Boston, to see Eowyn. And if you think that car’s gonna hold up, you’re nuts.
Spielberg seems to have totally forgotten that he’s a wuss, and plays this like the Holocaust and 9-11 combined. Ashes of dead people fall from the sky. Dead bodies float downstream. Vast swaths of people are casually massacred. Ray goes to extreme lengths to survive. Though the perspective is frequently kept intimate, like in SIGNS, there are enough glimpses of epic destruction to ensure that you remember this is a summer movie.
There’s no love interest for Ray, but you shouldn’t doubt that if there were one, they’d totally have a shitload of heterosexual chemistry. Tom Cruise gets to cry some in order to prove he’s a good actor. Tim Robbins is pretty good as a character sort of based on one of H.G. Wells’ original characters.
You get to see the aliens, and they look like Jodie Foster’s dad. Sorry, couldn’t resist. I won’t spoil their appearance, except to say that given their alien bodies, the faces are too similar to humans. However, they look absolutely nothing like John Travolta in dreadlocks and platform boots. By the way, I was watching a VH-1 show today on nudity in films, and apparently John Travolta has a no-nudity clause. I’d like to applaud him for standing firm on his morals. Yeah…morals. Anyway, Travolta certainly is a straight man like Cruise. He has kids and everything. But he’s not in this movie at all, so I’m getting off track.
Other than the preposterous invincibility of Ray during the first 45 minutes or so, I dug the movie. Very tense, and very ruthless. The last scenes aren’t as great, just because there’s a meeting which takes place that depends on way too much coincidence, and Morgan Freeman’s narration comes back to talk about God, probably to try to soothe over people like Rev. Thomas Carder and Dr. Ted Baehr, who may notice, quite correctly, that the Bible says nothing at all about Martian war machines having been buried under the soil before Adam and Eve showed up.
It never says that the invaders are from Mars. But it never says they aren’t, either. I congratulate Spielberg on finding his cojones. I hope he keeps them.
Also, Tom Cruise is not gay, and I have never written that he is. Wally George said Tom wanted to marry Rebecca DeMornay, and that’s all I need to know.
You forget the most important part: Starship Troopers was the prelude-propaganda message for the coming desert wars, “Can you tell us what Saddam is thinking? He’s afraid of us!” Private Ryan was about the need to paint our ‘faded flag’ with new red stripes of blood. And what’s the message in Spielberg’s movie? Simple, that is if you are between 16 and 18 – ‘Did your old dad ignore you? Did he fall short in any way? Was he cooler than you? Well then my boy, everytime you see a chance to avenge some wrong to your nation and everytime you see a convoy of the US army driving by, be sure and RUN (Don’t Walk!) toward the troopers and demand they allow you to join the army so you can be all you can be!!!’
That is the one message of the entire show – its a pathetic Recruitment film. Typical for Hollywood these last 10 years.
Let’s see,
1. Aliens were busy burying huge ships all over the world a million years ago but forgot to notice the germs. The germ routine worked in the old War of The Worlds movie cause in that one the guys from Mars were studying us from afar and had not been here until they came to invade.
2. It was fair to make the first War of The Worlds without mentioning too much about UFO lore, but in 2005 its bad form to fail to connect the two – War Of The Worlds has to be updated. At least Independence Day did update its motif to include Aera 51 and so forth.
3. Unless the forcefields kept the mud from between the toes of the Tripods, I suppose the simple use of landmines and hidden pits would have taken car of them.
4. Last I noticed crows don’t land on top of moving heavy machinery, especially machinery that looks scarier than a 7 story scarecrow.
5. The little girl seemed to be an advertisment for the use of Ritalin – the heavy use – or stun guns.
6. The ray guns turned humans into dust, cut through cars and buildings but could not burn clothing. The leason here was the army should have covered its tanks with denim cloth.
7. I think the one lesson I took away from this show was that when under attack always run toward ground zero. Head for the Bull’s Eye everytime. If the aliens are out to kill huge crowds of people, why then just run toward huge crowds or cities of people. Or head for a heavily lit up ferry boat.
8. Someone should talk to that ferry boat captain and find out why he stuffed his boat with cars when the docks were swarming with thousands of humans trying to escape? Was he working for the aliens?
9. Spielberg should give it up and retire.
The new show was dull after they reach Eowyn’s country house. The new movie just talked about what the aliens were doing and did not show much of the action at all! The old movie is still better http://www.war-of-the-worlds.org/
“8. Someone should talk to that ferry boat captain and find out why he stuffed his boat with cars when the docks were swarming with thousands of humans trying to escape? Was he working for the aliens?”
Probably the cars stopped working while they were on the Ferry, so they couldn’t get moved.
“6. The ray guns turned humans into dust, cut through cars and buildings but could not burn clothing. The leason here was the army should have covered its tanks with denim cloth.”
It’s completely plausible that the ray worked like this: it pierces through our clothing, and since the Aliens know so much about us (due to their obsession with our blood), the Ray is actually a carrier of fiery flesh-eating nano-machines that only attack human flesh. And thus, leaving the clothing intact.
But all your other points (except for #9) are completely credible.
“War” sucks. Totally implausible. I looked at my watch 4 times and that’s not good. For Samurai, I think it was twice. ‘Course, I’m a guy who walked out of “Lord Of The Rings”…..
Well dear cars can be rolled and pushed even when they don’t work. Perhaps you should consider that mr. West. I didn’t think the clothing thing made much sense either nor your ideas. Walls, clothing, not much difference really when you think about it. Wood, cotton, just plant fiber. Those who were turned into dust were not juiced like the ones who were caught and sucked of their blood. So your blood idea doesn’t make sense.
“If I can’t say “dead Jews” or “black people,” please help me”
As a Jew, I found did find this offensive. Not over-the-top offensive, but I think your phrasing could be more sensitive. The word “Jew” itself is a little offensive, I think most Jewish people would prefer being referred to as Jewish people. Notice you did say black People, not “Blacks.” A small point, to be sure, but I did enjoy your review, and will return to this site again, and wanted you to know one (Jewish) man’s opinion. Thank You.
Good points Crosby. My take was that the cars did work since I saw lights on in the town, and the ship was lit up with power and its engines worked and I saw people sitting inside their cars. It seemed to me that the Tripods had not reached this town yet and it had not suffered a special lightening event. That would explain why the boat’s power system was still up and running. It seemed unlikely that people would have pushed dead cars miles to reach the ferry boat that still had power itself.
Actually I highly respect Spielberg – I just think he should either new play video games until he understands what this generation has come to expect and what does and what does not scare them, or he should admit he’s a wuss and stay away from scary shows.
But the news today is that now he is moving into some realy dangerous territory if you know anything about the Mossad!
“Mr. Spielberg quietly began filming the most politically charged project he has yet attempted: the tale of a secret Mossad hit squad ordered to assassinate Palestinian terrorists after the massacre of Israeli athletes at the 1972 Olympics in Munich.” From Drudge
Yep, wonderfully entertaining film, except for the Morgan Freeman prologue/epilogue which, after Saturday Night Live last season did a Weekend Update with Freeman as the “guest” (but focusing on an empty chair while Tina et al. “interviewed” him chatting back with her sans corpus, you’d think that even Hollywood would have gotten the message by now.
But golly gee, no kidding, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. About midway through when I realized my pulse hadn’t leveled off yet, I remembered that this was the guy who brought us “Jaws” and then resigned myself, as one does a few seconds after boarding an amusement park ride that you know right off was a BAD IDEA, that I was at his mercy for another hour.
Hi –
Regarding that “dead jews” phrasing – well, you _should_ take into account that the murder of 6 million jews is no light matter. I don’t know how knowledgeable you are in this subject, but I think it’s mandatory reading for any journalist in your stature.
The bottom line is that the Nazi partial-success, ideology, methodology, national support and final aim to exterminate all Jewish people have created a mental scar, for all Jews, and for all humans. It will marr mankind forever, and so the Holocaust is totally unique in history because of the traits I mentioned above.
The term “dead Jews” is not equivalent to “dead Europeans” or “dead people” or whatever – it’s sort of a personal insult, a degradation, to any Jew, since the dead are his direct relatives.
And truthfully, LYT – it ought to be a personal insult to any person – since it means that that person has not learned those lessons that should have been learned from the Holocaust.
Suggested viewing:
* The Last Days
* The Hitler Youth
And please come to Israel – and visit the Holocaust Musueum – get to know some Jews and Israelis and see that they’re just like you.
OK? War of the Worlds is Sci-Fi, the Holocaust was real, and in many ways is not that different and Death not that quick.
Okay, this is getting dangerously close to turning into a debate on anti-Semitism, which I really don’t want, as I already had to delete one race-baiting post.
But for the benefit of those who have posted with their concerns:
-I think Schindler’s List and Amistad are lousy movies, period. That’s why I’m flippant about them. I’m not going to get into why in this space — that’s another bunch of movie reviews for another time. Suffice it to say that it isn’t because of any hatred for races and religions involved.
-I know plenty of Jewish people (check my links page), and in fact I asked a couple of them if they found the term “Jew” alone — and the phrase “dead Jews” when referring to Schindler’s List — as opposed to “Jewish person,” offensive. A right-wing Orthodox Jewish friend said that was nuts, and a non-religious liberal ethnic Jewish friend send it was “pretty idiotic.”
-As a film critic, I get to see at least one new Holocaust movie a year; often more. I also get to see movies about various other genocides. It’s your right to think that I’m not reverent enough, but my basic point here is that I find Spielberg’s idea of cinematic “reverence” annoying and condescending.
-Fixating on words people use is easy to do, but really, your energies are better focused on individuals who actually do hate and slander Jewish people. I’m not one of them.
Nice review, good movie. Some lady sitting next to me was covering her ears and eyes the whole thing jumping and screamin. Apperantly it was scary
As for speilberg and jews and all. When he works his jewish angle into his movie it gets kinda annoying, and i am jewish.
“Dead Jews”, “Black People” whatever.its offensive, until common sense kicks in and tells you to GROW UP
OK OK settle down Beavis… thanks for clarifying, and thanks for caring to clarify. Perhaps I am sensitive to this issue, and normally to not react knee-jerkingly. Consider this case closed, and have a great 4th of July everyone! Shalom and Peace Out Homeys….
Is it me, or is anybody else wondering why nobody turned on a tv or a radio at the country home, instead of just grouching about PBJ’s? And how miraculously the van was unscathed by the crashed airliner? And there wasn’t enough debris to block it’s leaving?
What WAS the purpose of the “bloodweed”, or whatever it’s called?
Always had a problem with galaxy-spanning alien invaders too stupid to know about germs……
I think War of the Worlds could have have been a blast if Tom Cruise had not been in it and Spielberg had not made it. War of the Worlds
would be a great film for a new director with a
wild imagination and a talented unknown star
who is not as self absorbed and predictable as Tom Cruise. I hate blockbusters made by millionairs and no reason to take risks. This movie is nothing more than an excerise in special
effects.
I wonder why this guy doesn’t get a press kit? Maybe because he write reviews as well as Hellen Keller shoots hoops.
“this guy”?
You’re on my site. Don’t talk about me like I’m not here. You get to make imbecilic analogies about me like the one you just did because I front the cash to keep this thing going.
Do you make a living reviewing films? Or do you work at Paramount, perhaps? If the answer to either of those questions is “no,” your theories as to why press kits are available to me at certain screenings and not at others mean precisely nothing.
Good review, great film. One question: Why wait until men had invented reasonable weapons to invade? If I were the aliens, I’d have landed in 1900 or something…
This movie is just plain dumb. Ditto on all the other flaws that were mentioned above.
1. Machines coming up through the ground, supposedly buried for millions of years. So here the earth is mostly uninhabited, just primordial ooze, oceans, insects, GERMS, GERMS, and MORE GERMS. hmmm. (Ok, a few animals are roaming around and maybe an Australiopithicus clan or two).
But back to antiquity… aliens bury tripods of incredible scientific advancement, such to the extent that they are impervious to GERMS – which live all over and under the earth in Googlians of huge numbers. But why would they do this? I mean the planet is void of any civiization or industry, and the aliens have enough predictive foresight to know tht in 6.3 million years, the planet will become home to 6 billion industrious, seft centered barbarians that need to be exterminated? They supposedly need blood to live, so they just had a hunch that the planet would be teeming with tankers full of in millions of years later. And add the to premise that the makers of the tripods had enough foresight to know that their lineage would somehow exhaust their planet’s resources and need to come to earth (which at the time is filled with the very GERMS that will doom them)to drive a million-year old tripod around and start randomly atomizing humans? How stupid must these supposedly extraordinarily advanced aliens must be to exterminate their own food source? I mean, where’s the payoff for a millon years of investing in this exhaustive project only to annielate every living and non-living thing on the planet? Is this just the mother of all video game fixes for them?
2. And where the hell is the world’s arsenal of military might and fighter jets, surface-to-air missles and nukes? Is everybody in Iraq, oblivious to the carage in New Jersey? Oh, that’s right, it’s just New Jersey so who gives a shit right?I mean the world is being summarily destroyed, and nowhere, not even NORAD did we even launch a nuclear strike? Even more so, these where million-year old tripods, and we couldn’t even take out one of their legs?
3. Ray’s son wants to kick the shit out of the aliens and tells Dad to beat it. He’s going to unload a haymaker on those fuckers. So as soon as Ray releases his grip and his son scurries off with the tanks and Humvees, the whole hillside gets completely torched. You know the army is totally wasted, but here’s fully unarmored Ray junior miraculously being spared, and later in the movie emerges unscathed from his grandparents house in Boston.
This movie is BAD… save your $ for Batman.
I have to admit…I am humbled by the number of logical inconsistencies that readers and other reviewers find in the film. I cannot disagree with any of them.
However, the fact that I did not notice them at the time, and enjoyed the film nonetheless, is testament to some sort of skill on Spielberg’s part. I believe the term is “misdirection.”
Saw the film last night, loved it until it turned out his son had survived (am I the only person to find him utterly annoying?)as had Boston. Loved your review too, very goddamned funny. In my head I rewrote the final two minutes to see Eowyn coming out of a blasted building on her own and still not kissing Tom, with Dakota Fanning completely traumatised and blessedly silent.
Cheers for the review…
FK
I have a possible explanation for the “Why did the aliens arrive and destroy their food source?” crowd.
I would propose that humankind (or, more specifically, human blood) is a crop, and that the Earth is one of many farms. And, after God-knows-how-many years, it was time to harvest this crop and reseed Earth for the next season.
As for the germs? I find it wholly credible that a species would lose its resistance to a biological agent over a million years (give or take) of non-exposure. Nature does not tolerate excess baggage.
A.
Saw the movie two nights ago and was shocked by
all the plot holes. I can’t believe he killed the Robbins character because he was being to noisy. That’s not heroic, that’s just rude.
Seatco’s message above is a nice example of how some people are so eaten up with politics and hate that they can’t squeeze a moment’s enjoyment out of life. Take a chill pill man. Its a frickin MOVIE.
“Mr. Spielberg quietly began filming the most politically charged project he has yet attempted: the tale of a secret Mossad hit squad ordered to assassinate Palestinian terrorists after the massacre of Israeli athletes at the 1972 Olympics in Munich.” From Drudge
I saw this movie already. It was called “Sword of Gideon.”