Brokeback Hogwarts

Not content to sound the hoary witchcraft alert, theologian Doug Phillips tries to make some kind of point by imagining what it would be like if Harry Potter were gay:

“But the race is on. A second witch training academy run by evil witches has also discovered their own homosexual predispositions. Unlike Hogwarts, they intend to use their homosexuality for evil. They teach their students evils like sexual promiscuity. They openly encourage pedophilia. It is the mission of Harry and his intrepid gang of sodomite warlocks and lesbian witches (dubbed “The Lavender Brigade”) to once again stop the menace of bad witches.”

His thesis is that magic=evil=homos. But he has no problem with the use of magical creatures per se, because, y’know, they really do exist:

“The Bible begins[7] and ends[8] with revelations about talking animals, a fact which establishes beyond any doubt that the inclusion of talking animals in storytelling is not per se an abomination which assaults the very character of God. Similarly, dragons,[9] demons,[10] giants,[11] and unicorns[12] may be the stuff of fantasy lore, but they are also real creatures discussed, as such, in the Bible.”

And he can’t quite bring himself to cast aspersions on Lewis or Tolkien, since they were Christian:

“Bewitched — bad! Walt Disney’s Merlin from Sword in the Stone — bad! Glinda the Good Witch of Oz — bad! The White Witch of Narnia — not necessarily bad at all, because she is presented as the incarnation of evil. Gandalf? You will have to do the math yourself.”

But he does explain, sort of, why nutso fringe Christians do not or cannot differentiate between fiction and reality:

“The character of God is challenged when we posit alternative realities which redefine the moral law order of God to allow men to delight in that which would be deemed wickedness in the real world. Creating worlds of good witchcraft versus bad witchcraft is a prime example of the problem. No such world can exist — anywhere — not even in our own imagination, without redefining the nature and attributes of God Himself.”

I’d say read the whole thing, except that I’ve given you all the good parts.