You know how people sometimes worry that they have friends who don’t like each other, and it’s said that “you can’t invite them to the same party”?
Read on for an extreme exaggeration that actually happened.
Cathy Seipp had a party yesterday — a pretty big do to celebrate both daughter Maia’s high school graduation and the fact that Cathy herself had clobbered the cancer odds and stayed healthy enough to see it happen.
I’ve been to Cathy’s place before for parties, but this wasn’t a normal-scale thing. She actually had formal valet parking going on, prompting regular guest Andrew Breitbart — suffering from a large bloody gash on his ankle obtained while climbing a tree [UPDATE: actually, falling off a wall.] — to say that he was going to have a party just so he could hire the valet service.
Andrew’s hair is unkempt, in an attempt to fit it with the other folks on Venice Beach. He lacks the facial hair of the true California Venetian, but claims he did have it a while ago. We briefly discuss porn, for some reason — he says he doesn’t like anything that shows him stuff he hasn’t seen during the creation of his four children.
There was also private catering, and the whole backyard was decked out with picnic tables and a bar which served wine, corona, and Hansen’s root beer.
I discuss movies for a bit with producer Lionel Chetwynd, reassuring him that the new Superman isn’t gay. I tell him we met at the first Liberty Film Fest, and he replies, “Oh, you were one of the ones who organized the whole thing, right?” I assure him not – the only thing I have in common with Jason Appuzzo is liking Revenge of the Sith. Then a friend of Cathy’s dad mentions that she’s the daughter of the late screenwriter Michael Blankfort, and it turns out Lionel worked with him once.
A few people ask why Luke Ford isn’t in attendance. I figure it’s either (a) because he’s not allowed to drive on the Sabbath; or (b) he doesn’t want the valet people to see his serial killer van.
Some of the kids in attendance bring a copy of the Game of Life outside, then get bored of it almost immediately. The dog comes by and lays a big turd in the box. Matt Welch is without camera when it happens; by the time he fetches the camera, Cathy has used a shovel to remove the evidence, though skidmarks remain, and are very nearly touched by human hands several times.
The dog is later removed because one of Maia’s Muslim friends doesn’t want it to touch her.
The food all looks great but I refrain from having much of it due to an impending dinner date.
Word spreads that Ann Coulter is supposed to be coming, with Mickey Kaus. Mickey is ostensibly a centrist Democrat, but has long seemed to have a fetish for blonde Republican pundits. This is not to imply that they are or are not dating — I have no idea.
So anyway, while talking to Christian Johnson and Donna Barstow, I see Mickey arrive with the Ann-tichrist herself. Donna says I have to talk to her; that she would if she were more familiar with Ann’s work. Christian is anxious to get a picture with Ann. It’s funny how there are people here who have probably used all kinds of invective to describe her, yet immediately wanted to talk to her. Liberal blogger Joseph Mailander, for one, was seen conversing pleasantly with her, and I hope he blogs about what was said, cuz I’d like to know.
Andrew’s a fan of Ann’s — I hear a fragment of a joke he tells her that begins “There were these two black guys…” but I didn’t catch the punchline. It was probably funny. [UPDATE: Some have surmised that I intended slanderous things with this graf; Andrew provides full context way down in the comments below]
I ask Matt Welch if he’d met her. He responds “Have you met Eichmann?”
Matt is amused to snap a picture of Joseph and Ann. At first, I thought he was just trying to get one of Joseph in the same frame as Roger L. Simon The Man Who Created Moses Wine, whom Joseph frequently and amusingly beats up on metaphorically. Roger looks to have gained weight since last I saw him. Too much lounging around in pajamas?
I did not speak to Ann, though had I done so, I’d have asked what church she attends. I can tell you that she’s very tall, freakishly thin, and has big hooters, though not obviously fake ones.
I tell Matt that I’m thinking of a joke along the lines of “What’s the difference between Ann Coulter and a turd in a box?” I haven’t figured out a punchline, but it probably ends with “….and the other is a turd in a box.”
Then we discuss the Press Club giving a big award to Larry King next weekend. Matt claims Larry King used to be good.
I leave early for my dinner date, as Cathy and Maia eagerly pose for pictures with Ann.
There’s no secret as to why Ann Coulter would be popular at a party. She’s an attention whore, and a lot of people are after those sloppy seconds.
“One is a pile of steaming feces in a tight package and the other is a turd in a box.”
Poor Ann…all she wants is somebody to listen to her. Tch, tch. Heck, I’ll listen to her…though, I probably won’t be listening, per se.
Hmmm…sloppy seconds, eh. Heck, I’ll drink her bathwater…
Wait. Superman isn’t gay? You posted that he was making out with Luthor!
Sheesh, if I wanted lies I’d read AICN…
Oww. I think my brain just exploded.
I think Ann Coulter made Luke wuss out about the Superman thing with her hypnotic stare that turns Sean Hannity to jello.
Luckily we were spared by horridiously confusing family plans.
Yea, rite… like you don’t dig the Coulter…
Life is just one big cocktail party.
http://americanbaby.motime.com/post/582946/Happy+Birthday+to+Mommy
> He responds “Have you
> met Eichmann?”
Godwin’s Law is thereby invoked; ten demerits to Welch. Twenty if he had anything to do with the “It’s wrong to blame Katrina victims for spending irresponsibly” thing.
I don’t think Godwin’s law can be invoked in a conversation between two friends without argument or debate being involved. To the best of my recollection, it only applies to Internet comment threads.
And I’m not sure what the specific Katrina thing is you’re referring to. Something in the LA Times?
LOL! It must have been quite a scene. Like you, I wonder what she and Mailander talked about. Did Joseph and Roger speak to each other?
Cathy and Maia certainly have good reason to celebrate. Hope they have a great summer.
LYT,
What your observations demonstrate is that it’s easy to say nasty, hateful things about people on the internet, less easy when you meet them in person. Ann is merely the Michael Moore of the right. Same schtick, different politics.
I disagree with that Fritz. Michael is no more left than Bill Clinton or Al Gore. Moore is a semi-politician. I’m more left than Moore is.
Ann on the other hand is completely to the far right, no question.
Possibly John Lennon was/is a better canditate?
“What’s the difference between Ann Coulter and a turd in a box?”
The box.
I’d say Moore is to the left of Clinton — but the reason he’s not the equivalent of Ann Coulter is that Coulter is not a film-maker.
The Ann Coulter of the left would be Ward Churchill, a similarly inflammatory writer.
The Michael Moore of the right, if he were more famous would be Evan Moloney, a film-maker who likes to confront Lefties with similar gotcha tactics, and uses humor in the same way.
What your observations demonstrate is that it’s easy to say nasty, hateful things about people on the internet, less easy when you meet them in person.
Fritz is right about this, absolutely. But there’s another factor, too — I didn’t wish to talk to Ann because I wouldn’t have felt right if I didn’t say something that called her on her BS; however, I have too much respect for Cathy to want to make any kind of uncomfortable scene at her party.
It’s the same reason I avoided my uncle’s ex-wife for the longest time, though in that case I turned out to be wrong about her, and we coexist fine now.
Jim — you saying Ann’s got no box?
That’s the word on the street. Check the adam’s apple.
Typical hollywood liberal party. Just a bunch of starfuckers who hat a woman whose done more to affect the world than all the mouthy supriority complexed liberal hypocrite, “I want my picture with Ann Coulter” bootlackey’s put together. Really, who not in the movie business but starfuckers raises their children in the cess pool of L.A. anyway. A craven crowd. And are you sure Breitbart, started with “Two black guys…” since you say you didn’t really hear it? Or is that just a cheap and phony smear against a concervative, the tired, old, “He’s a racist…” verbal lynching. And sinc you didn’t hear the rest, you would’t know if one bad thing was said about blakc people, would you? I’m not sure what’s sleazier, starfuckers, or character-assasinating starfuckers. Enjoy L.A. It’s definitely your home.
I wasn’t comparing the two’s tactics for going at the other side. I didn’t think Fritz was either.
The far right to me is: Christian, War’s good, intelligent design, NRA, death penalty, pro-life.
The far left to me is: tree huggers, peace, love, pot smokers, pro-choice, etc
Ann seems right on the money when it comes to the far right, but Moore does not. So I can’t say that Moore is a fair example of the “far left” at all. Hence the John Lennon bid.
Oh dear. Brand. You’ll hear a mouthful from the kids on this site.
But as far your L.A. sterotype goes…. I’ve lived in L.A. 11 years dude as a Republican AND a liberal.. I’ve been on a Marine/Navy WarShip for one week fresh from Iraq… and I’ve also walked in peace rallies.
I guarantee you there’s more out there like me in L.A. (Why do I know this you may ask? Cause I live here.)
Cess Pool? StarFuckers? Hypocrites? let me just quote you: verbal lynching
Wow Brand Welsh, you need to learn to read before you can write. I’m sure Cathy and Maia would be quite surprised to hear their party described as a “typical Hollywood liberal” one. As would Cathy’s editors at National Review, Independent Women’s Forum, et cetera.
And sinc you didn’t hear the rest, you would’t know if one bad thing was said about blakc people, would you?
I didn’t say that I did or that anything was, dumbass. Read it again.
Oh what a craven and cowardly out you try: when you start out by saying he was telling a joke that began with “Two black guys…”, the implication is clear. And if not, then why even put the “black guys” part in? Especially when you didn’t hear it, and you called it a joke, and you don’t even know it was a joke. How do you know it was a joke if you heard no puncline? You’re just looking for some Drudge/Coulter coattails to latch the fingers of your sad little website onto by pretending, and pretending to others, that you heard Andrew Breitbart tell a likely racist joke that started with “Two black guys…” when you don’t even know if it was a joke cos you suddenly say you didn’t hear a punchline. Just what do you know about the two blacks guys he was alllegedly talking about, and you assume, joking about? If you’re going to take a shot, then be man enough to take it, and not run and hide behind the quacamole bowl. I’m sure the linkage you’ve weaseled your site into with your sad little invented aspersions will serve you well.
And are you saying this was a conservative party, not mixed? Stop the chickenshit BS. If you’re gonna punch and run like a typical L.A. pussy, then don’t even punch.
I just got back from slaying many insurgent bitches in Ramadi for many, many months. I watched them die and it me smile. Rainbows stick out in L.A. I’ll be sure to look out for the one that called me a “dumbass” from the safety of his keyboard. Love to hear you say it to my face. I’m sure that will happen, my keyboard warrior friend. Hope to see your cute little rainbow head soon. Doesn’t that thing match Paris Hilton’s purse? Lose the color and it’ll match some cammies. But that’s not exactly your speed, is it?
Shades of distinction seem to elude you, brandon, so let’s see if I can’t slowly and carefully explain…
And are you saying this was a conservative party, not mixed?
I’m saying the hosts were conservative. They didn’t screen ideology at the door, but I suspect there were more righties present than lefties.
You’re just looking for some Drudge/Coulter coattails to latch the fingers of your sad little website onto
And gain myself such charming readers as you? How could I resist? No comments on my conversation with Andrew about porn?
when you start out by saying he was telling a joke that began with “Two black guys…”, the implication is clear.
Is it? Maybe the punchline was based on them being surprisingly conservative. Or not…maybe they walk into a bar, maybe they were museum guards. I…have…no…idea.
How do you know it was a joke if you heard no puncline?
Dang, hoss, you got me, I don’t have 100% proof it was a joke. I made a reasonable guess based on tone of voice.
why even put the “black guys” part in?
Because that’s the part that I heard.
If you’re going to take a shot, then be man enough to take it, and not run and hide behind the quacamole bowl.
Andrew and I have differences, but we are at the very least cordial acquaintances. We have taken shots at each other in person before, and I have also been very entertained by his humor before, so y’know, I have some idea of when he’s joking — we’re not strangers. He does not have the kind of thin skin that requires you swooping in to protect his honor, and if I offend him I will almost certainly have to answer to him at some point in person.
Just what do you know about the two blacks guys he was alllegedly talking about, and you assume, joking about?
Nothing. And I never said I did.