10. “So what was the last movie you reviewed? And what did you say about it?”
9. “Moving forward, yours is not the kind of writing we need.”
8. “Isn’t wrestling fake?”
7. “So, how many OTHER internet dates have you been on?”
6. “Ronald Reagan won the Cold War.”
5. “It looks like it’s gonna be a good year for the (Dodgers/Angels/any other team)”
4. “Where are you from?”
3. “So, me and my BOYFRIEND were just talking about doing this…”
2. “When do you have to go back home?”
1. “I was listening to NPR the other day, and…”
What are some of yours?
[note: I am not interested in debating the merits of possibly good conversations that can ensue from the lines above. Nothing is hard and fast, except my boner.]
This may be the only opinion I share with conservo-nutbag Mike LaRoche (whose blog I continue to read for pure unironic hilarity) but “So what do you do?” used to be one of my most dreaded questions. Him for bizarro-libertarian “mind your own business!” reasons, and I for the fact that I literally did nothing of use. The best answer I managed to come up with was a Wilde-esque “As little as possible.” but I didn’t have much after that.
Alas those days are gone, as I’ve had to procure gainful employment at my local Costco. Hence forth, I have an answer for the question; although there are many mysteries that I am yet privy to (mystery solved #32: if you order a cake with a special message on it and then don’t pick it up, we totally eat it ourselves.)
BTW, do you see the irony in your apathy to “sports” and love of “wrestling?” One would think you could at least find common ground in the depths of vicarious fandom.
Well, sports fans will be quick to tell you wrestling isn’t a sport.
But man, somehow I think John Cena is gonna have a really good year this year!
Costco, eh? Maybe I should look into that.
“I shouldn’t have to pay for your…”
“If we all had guns eveyone would be safer.”
“Jesus said…”
“Marijuana is totally safe.”
“Marijuana is the most dangerous drug.”
“I think my dream means…”
“So the palm reader/medium/spirtiual guide said…”
“Nothing is hard and fast, except my boner.”
Here’s some things I’ve said that tend to be conversation killers:
“That’s really what you wanted on your body for the rest of your life?”
“I like your hair. Did you do that yourself?”
“You don’t actually believe in that crap, do you?”
“Vegetarian, huh? So are you just allergic to things that are delicious, or what?”
“I read that article too. Nothing about it was credible.”
“You want to go back to my place and wrestle?” (dressed as LYT for Halloween)