First, the fast food. Let’s talk about Chipotle Boneless Wings:
Boneless wings are bullshit.
Sorry, just had to get that off my chest right upfront. Nothing personal to the heirs of the late Dave Thomas, but despite the fact that Budweiser hails the nameless “Mr. Boneless Buffalo Wing Inventor” as one of their Real Men of Genius, the truth is that these things are a lie. Boneless “wings” contain breast meat. Only someone who has never eaten a whole chicken before could possibly mistake that for wing meat. They’re even more deceptive than the places that have “wings” on the menu but then only serve you drumettes, leaving out the essential lower part of the wing (which is better) and the tip, which can occasionally contain a tiny bit of crunchy goodness worth nibbling.
And cheap chicken and beer, the necessities of life:
But how good can movie theater chicken be? Let’s begin by saying I’ve had much worse at more “legitimate” eateries.
These tenders are breaded, fried, and frozen; then re-heated in AMC’s ovens, which are not unlike Subway’s toaster ovens. This results in them being served piping hot, and occasionally garnished with unidentified bits of blackened burning. Sound gross? Nahh, it adds character. Makes it feel genuinely oven-fresh, in a weird way.
Onward to movies. Let us discuss GET HIM TO THE GREEK:
Is Russell Brand an ironic pretentious jackass, or a genuine one? Articles like the recent Rolling Stone cover story cast some doubt on the issue…but on the other hand, the ensuing confusion arguably makes him more believable as an obnoxious rock celebrity who has not only ruined his own life, but also sucks the lives around him into his circle of self-destruction.
And KILLERS, too:
Romantic farces depend on conflict. Get a duo that can bicker amusingly rather than irritatingly, throw them into a sticky situation, and you’ve got the makings of classic screwball. The only screwball here, however, seems to be director Robert Luketic (whose Legally Blonde looks like an all-time classic by comparison), a filmmaker who takes almost an hour to disrupt this happy couple’s idyllic life with a dose of attempted murder.
A high compliment to your Chipotle Boneless Wings review: it made me so hungry for real wings that I just drove to the grocery store and bought a 3 lb bag of raw wings, cooked them up and tossed them with butter and tabasco sauce. It also didn’t hurt that I ate lot of buffalo “style” white meat bites at costco yesterday. They can replicate the coating, but not the addictive gnaw off the bone texture. Kudos for proper wing love.
Real wings rule.
Only question in my mind is this: since wings are considered soul food, does that make “boneless wings” Michael Jackson food…or Kevin Federline din-din?
Credit to Costco for calling them bites and not wings, at least.