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March 30, 2003
I like these (big) apples
New York has just followed LA's lead and banned smoking in restaurants, bars, and all other workplaces. My inclination to visit New York just increased substantially.
Men are different from women...
I was cleaning my apartment today, and actually had the thought, "Wow, how come my floor's so dirty? I just vacuumed it 2 months ago.."
Such is the way men think.
Good WrestleMania party today. Smaller turnout than I sometimes get, but everyone paid their fair share, and much food and booze was enjoyed by all. Also, every guest took home a free toy -- I only do that once a year. Match of the night was the womens' title match, with Jazz, Trish Stratus, and Victoria proving themselves among the finest athletes in the sports entertainment world. Rey Mysterio vs. Matt Hardy should've been a show-stealer, but it seems like maybe Rey was intimidated by his first WrestleMania, and was unfortunately saddled with a Daredevil costume that made him suck almost as much as Ben Affleck in Pearl Harbor. Kudos also to Kurt Angle for risking his career in the main event. The man's a class act, and even those who love to hate him in the ring would have to acknowledge that. Brock Lesnar looked seriously fucked up after landing on his head following that amazing shooting star press -- like all other fans, I hope he's OK. Triple H -- there's a guy who should just quit. He used to perform well, but tonight, he was even less interesting than A-Train, if that's possible.
And, of course, Bill Goldberg has signed to make his WWE wrestling debut at Backlash. Not that he really even knows how to "wrestle," but I'd pay to see him fight Austin, or perhaps HHH, whom he legitimately dislikes. Roddy Piper and his huge gut made a comeback tonight, but no idea if it's a once-off or not.
Those of you who don't watch wrestling, well...you're gonna have to put up with posts like this every once in a while.
M-life
I'm old enough to remember when MTV was anti-war and anti-Bush, back in 1991. All that has changed, according to THIS INTERVIEW with Michael Franti.
It's unfortunate that Franti has become a standard-bearer for progressive music, because quite frankly, his music sucks. Still, the interview's well worth reading.
Side note, though -- since MTV barely plays music any more, does it even matter what their restrictions are? And since MTV is almost all reality shows, all the time, how exactly is it different from the major networks these days?
Posted by LYT at 11:45 PM | Comments (0)
March 28, 2003
Mis-State-d
I've been dubbed a contrarian critic, and I can live with that, though such a label insinuates that I deliberately take stances contrary to my fellow critics -- in point of fact, most of the time, I have no idea what their reactions are until after my review is written and sees print.
But I have to say that most critics seem to missing the point on Chris Rock's new movie "Head of State." Virtually every review I've read assails it for not containing caustic political commentary, and in some cases being unrealistic. Charles Taylor on salon.com, for instance, complains that a real political candidate would travel by plane, not bus.
This criticism misses the point because the movie is not realistic, and it seems clear to me that it isn't intended to be. Perhaps a crash course in Rock's lesser-known work would've been helpful -- everyone knows his abrasive standup, but few seem familiar with the absurdism of his sketch comedy show. In an interview I did with him about a year ago, he mentioned that he specifically hired Louis CK as a writer because not many black comedy writers know how to be weird, that there's no black equivalent to Steven Wright. Viewed in that context, Head of State makes a lot more sense. The fake opening credits, the absurd dialogue, the "Greek chorus" of Nate Dogg and two dancing girls...all of it's supposed to cue you in to an exaggerated reality. The reason the political sentiments feel superficial and hollow is because they ARE -- THAT'S THE JOKE, as Lucky McKee would say.
Now, that type of humor may not work for you. But don't review the movie as something it's not and was never trying to be.
Posted by LYT at 5:21 PM | Comments (0)
March 27, 2003
Rush to Moore judgment
There've been many folks lately comparing Michael Moore (unfavorably) to Rush Limbaugh. Implicit in this criticism is the notion that both are wrong, though most of these comparisons seem to come from people who would probably trust Rush over Mike if it came down to it.
There are fair comparisons: Both are fat (though Rush has slimmed down in recent years). Both are slick entertainers with a political agenda. Both claim to represent the majority (being fat helps both these previous items, as a majority of Americans are overweight). Both know how to market politics to the masses. Both have two best-sellers under their belts. Both have had short-lived TV shows. Both fudge the facts to suit their agendas (my opinion is that Moore does so out of clumsiness, Rush out of deliberate deception, but I know people who would claim vice versa*). Both, when caught fudging, claim innocence by virtue of the fact that they're entertainers rather than politicians, yet both also get indignant when dismissed as mere entertainers.
Now, here are the key differences. Rush can be heard free-of-charge on the radio anywhere in America for three hours a day, and Moore can be heard every once in a while as a guest on someone else's show, or every three years or so on the big screen (Rush's sole big-screen "appearance," as far as I know, is on Jack Nicholson's car radio in "About Schmidt", though I stand by my thesis that if something called "Rush Limbaugh: The Movie" had been made in 1992, it would have been a huge box-office hit, even if it had been just an hour and a half of Rush sitting at his desk talking).
Rush's followers don't listen critically, and are encouraged not to, as Rush tells them, for instance, that they don't have to read the weekend neswpapers because he'll do it for them (Moore encourages fans to think for themselves). Rush, though he claims not to be a tool of the Republican party, criticizes people down party lines, defending Republicans and assaulting Democrats, while Moore criticizes everyone to the right of Ralph Nader. Rush also doesn't like debate -- he rarely takes calls that disagree with him, and he doesn't guest on other shows where he might have his assertions challenged (Moore appears on shows hosted by the likes of Sean Hannity). Rush was offered a show by CNN -- think Fox News would ever give one to Moore?
You tell me -- who's more influential?
*among many other assertions, Rush's straight-faced claim on his TV show that fresh vegetables contain more nicotine than cigarettes smacks of deliberate deception on a par with nothing I can think of Moore saying.
Banal Rape
The sort of psychic synchronicity that some people like my ex-roomie Greg have all the time doesn't occur for me today very often. On the spur of the moment, I decided to go see Boat Trip (hey, when they're free, it lowers the bar, and Roger Moore's good in it). I had been thinking earlier that it was about time I called up my old friend Clu Gulager, so of course, when I come out of the movie, who should I see but Clu, waiting around for a screening of a low budget horror movie that his buddy Sage Stallone acted in. "You wanna go see a horror movie?" he asked. Of course I agreed -- funnily enough, I run into Clu most often when attending revival screenings of horror movies. The man's a movieholic like me, and even more so since his wife passed.
We figured out that, unlikely as it may have seemed for a low budget flick, it was screening in the Cinerama Dome (for those who don't know, the Dome is quite possibly the coolest theater in the world, and must cost a pretty penny to rent out). No guest list, so anyone could come in. Ran into John Daily and Matt Shebesta, but didn't sit with 'em, because Clu, like me, is a diehard front-row kinda guy (also in attendance, front-row: pro-wrestler Rob Van Dam and his lovely wife Sonya). Turns out the screening was a benefit for some animal shelter, so we were treated first to a PSA featuring actual footage of animals being put to sleep. Many of the audience left.
warning -- sensitive readers should skip this next paragraph!
Then the movie started. It's entitled "Chaos," but should not be confused with the recent French release or the Japanes "Kaosu." Chaos is the name of a big bald redneck who looks kinda like wrestler Bill Goldberg (I wonder if RVD made the same association?), who, along with his twisted family, likes to abduct, rape, and murder. It's a '70s-style exploitation movie along the lines of "I Spit on Your Grave," and like that movie, is made repugnant by the fact that the filmmakers earnestly act like their movie is more than mere exploitation -- in fact, it's a realistic warning to young girls, and will encourage them to be more responsible! Yeah, whatever. By the time Chaos has sliced off one of the female leads' nipple, chewed on it, then shoved it in her mouth and made her vomit, shortly before stabbing her repeatedly and having sex with her corpse, most of the audience had left (including John and Matt). And there was still a good hour to go.The movie was shocking, and curiously not desensitizing in the least -- the final shot had quite an impact. It was amusing to me that Chaos kept saying "You're a fag!"
Maybe I'm getting older and wussier (ReJekt, you wanna chime in here?), but there didn't seem to be much point to the movie except to shock, and even that in the seemingly phony guise of being socially responsible. I don't mind that the film exists, but I can't imagine that I'd recommend it to anyone, even if it does build tension well towards the end.
Not a film for the family, anyway. And certainly an odd way to help prevent animal cruelty. I think it would've been less bothersome if the filmmakers hadn't tried to act like they were making a valuable PSA, rather than an over-the-top exploitation flick. The ending sets up for a sequel, and it's clear they want a franchise. It's also clear that there's quite a bit of money behind it. I just don't know who's gonna pick it up for distribution. I'm sure there's an audience for it, but I don't see many studio execs being too thrilled. RVD stuck it out for the whole movie.
I should've seen Irreversible to compare it. But that's another rape-movie-calling-itself-art for another day.
Posted by LYT at 4:53 PM | Comments (1)
March 25, 2003
Die it, coke
Turns out "Mr. Perfect" Curt Hennig's cause of death has been revealed -- cocaine overdose. I miss the man and was very sad to see him go, but you've got to be something of a son-of-a-bitch to be doing that shit while your loving wife and kids are waiting back at the house.
Sure we all know nobody's really perfect, but that's a pathetic, sad way to go, especially for a middle-aged athlete who should've grown out of that shit, and who could've lived a long time in his physical condition.
This is not a joke
In Morocco, they train monkeys to defuse land mines.
I've had maybe 2 hours of sleep in the past 24 hours, thanks to some of the nastiest stomach pain ever. Whichever of you Republicans out there has a voodoo doll -- it's working. Now please stop.
Posted by LYT at 11:32 AM | Comments (0)
March 24, 2003
The only sane reaction
Check out the Gulf War II Drinking Game
Roger, Moore
A quick survey at some other websites turns up numerous people saying things to the effect that Moore shouldn't have said what he said, that he might not have been speaking for his fellow nominees, and so forth. Just a few mini-rebuttals here:
1. The Academy knew exactly what they were gonna get. Moore said that if he won he would speak out. Moore makes a living speaking out. Agree with him or not, but no-one should have been surprised.
2. Politics are not irrelevant when you're giving an award to a political film. If they were, then taken to the extreme, diretors of Holocaust movies should not be allowed to take a vocal antifascism stance, and Halle Berry should not be allowed to talk about breaking the color barrier.
3. Moore is the ONLY winner I can recall to ever invite all his fellow nominees onstage with him to accept the award. Seems pretty classy; correct me if I'm wrong. Also, at the press conference backstage, he said that he told all of them that if he won, they were welcome to join him onstage but that they should know he would speak out against Bush. They all went up with him knowing that.
4. Moore did NOT insult our troops in any way. He didn't even mention them. He insulted Bush. And as any Republican could've told you back in 1999, supporting the troops doesn't mean being nice to the Prez.
Moore is by no means a saint. I've talked to people who say they've witnessed him treat his personal assistants badly (I met him once, and he was perfectly friendly though he undounbtedly had no clue who I was, describing himself to me as a "designated shit-taker" for his pro-Nader stance), and he has a tendency to fudge facts even when it isn't necessary to do so. His film is flawed, and I said as much in my review of it, but it also contains some great insights and previously unspoken truths. Roger & Me is a much better documentary (Downsize This! is also a better book than Stupid White Men, btw). But on balance, Moore's still one of the good guys, and one of the only prominent leftists who understands the need to be entertaining in order to win over the masses. If in the course of entertaining he gets sloppy sometimes, I can live with it, and tonight I applaud him.
Posted by LYT at 10:51 PM | Comments (0)
March 23, 2003
Artistic justice!
SPIRITED AWAY! ADRIEN BRODY! ROMAN POLANSKI! EMINEM!
sometimes they get it right.
Then, of course, there was Michael Moore's kickass acceptance speech (though as a good editor I should note that there's no such word as "fictition."):
"On behalf of our producers Kathleen Glynn and Michael Donovan from Canada, I'd like to thank the Academy for this.
I have invited my fellow documentary nominees on the stage with us, and we would like to — they're here in solidarity with me because we like nonfiction.
We like nonfiction and we live in fictitious times.
We live in the time where we have fictitious election results that elects a fictitious president.
We live in a time where we have a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons.
Whether it's the fictition of duct tape or fictition of orange alerts we are against this war, Mr. Bush.
Shame on you, Mr. Bush, shame on you.
And any time you got the Pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, your time is up.
Thank you very much. "
So how did my predictions stack up?
Picture -- I called it, Chicago.
Director -- wrong. I thought Rob Marshall or Scorsese, but I'm glad Polanski got it.
Actor -- wrong. I said Daniel Day-Lewis, but the right man won. Every guy in America was cheering when Adrien Brody chose the heat of the moment to , uhh, "freedom-kiss" Halle Berry.
Actress -- I called it, by a nose, Nicole.
Supporting actor -- I almost got it. Chris Cooper, who won, was my second choice.
Supporting actress -- called it, Mrs. Michael Douglas
Cinematography -- called it, Conrad Hall
Animated feature -- justice was done when I predicted it would not be
Editing -- called it, Chicago
Documentary feature -- called it, Bowling for Columbine
Foreign language film -- the tangential Holocaust connection prevails, as predicted
sound editing -- called it, LOTR
sound -- wrong, Chicago
costumes -- correct, Chicago
score -- Frida, which took me by surprise
song -- I was wrong and I'm glad: EMINEM RULES!
original screenplay -- called it for the other perv, Almodovar
adapted screenplay -- in a big surprise, it's the Pianist!
art direction -- Chicago, as guessed
visual effects -- LOTR, I called it
makeup -- I guess you could say I was wrong here, though neither nominee was worthy.
Not counting the short subject categories that I refused to predict, that's 12/21 right. As I said, my picks are usually around 60% correct. For perspective, if you tell someone the weather outside will be exactly the same tomorrow as it is today, you have a 60% chance of being right.
Posted by LYT at 11:44 PM | Comments (0)
March 22, 2003
Support Our Journalists
I'd like to point out that there are brave men and women risking their lives for freedom right now who aren't soldiers -- they're journalists, and the freedom they're risking their lives for is freedom of the press. One Australian reporter has already died in Iraq, and others are missing. If you're watching the war on TV, or reading about it anywhere, it's because of them. They're coming under fire, and, while they may have some basic survival training, they don't get to shoot back.
So if you're praying for the soldiers, spare a thought for the journalists too. This message brought to you by a proud and underqualified member of the LA Press Club.
One more thing on the French and their military
As I recall, the U.S. ultimately gave up fighting North Vietnam. Does that make us hamburger-eating quitter-monkeys?
I didn't think so.
Hollywouldn't
Here's an account of today's Hollywood war protest, as described by NBC:
http://www.nbc4.tv/iraq/2058135/detail.html
That's one account. I was there, and I find it very uncomfortable that Chief Bratton calls this "good practice." Today, for the first time ever, I witnessed a row of LAPD running at me with swinging nightsticks, merely for standing on a public sidewalk. I'm no hero, and was not hurt, nor was anyone I could see. But this is in marked contrast to the well-behaved cops whom I praised for their restraint and helpfulness during the last antiwar march.
Today I feel like quoting some NWA and Body Count lyrics. You know the ones.
Freedom kisses
The French-bashing has got to stop. For once and for all let's debunk this whole notion that the French hold no military victories. There's a myth circulating around that if you type "French Military Victories" into a popular search engine, you get no hits, or even the query "Did you mean 'French military defeats?'"
CLICK HERE FOR THE OFFICIAL DEBUNKING
Actually, you get 63,000 hits or so. Ever hear of a gentleman named Napoleon? One of the greatest generals of all time? What was he, American?
And for all the heat the French take for being invaded in two world wars and surrendering. Why is it fair to say that the French let Hitler roll over them, and not, for instance, the Jews let Hitler roll over them?
See? Then it becomes an offensively stupid statement, which it actually was to begin with.
And as many people have already pointed out, we never renamed Russian dressing during the Cold War.
Posted by LYT at 9:44 PM | Comments (0)
March 20, 2003
Oscars, the Grouch
A funny notion has occurred to me: I remembered that I'm a professional film critic. And yet all I've been doing is showering you guys with politics for days on end. I know based on my minipoll that most of you seem happy with the mix, but it occurs to me that one of the bigger nights of the year for the film business is fast approaching, and I haven't written anything about it (I have talked about it on killradio, but I know not everyone here can receive the signal).
So, anyway: The Oscars have very little credibility in my mind, and the evidence has been especially strong in recent years: Gladiator, American Beauty, Braveheart, Forrest Gump, Schindler's List...This year also they've ignored some of the best films, and nominated some of the absolute worst, notably the repugnant pro-molester "whimsy" of Talk to Her, and The Hours (and hours and hours and hours...that's what it feels like watching it, at any rate). I only end up watching the show because a friend of mine makes it his big party of the year -- last year I even skipped an industry party to go to his pad; I believe in being loyal to my friends.
Another friend of mine recently posted her picks, but hadn't seen many of the films nominated. I've seen pretty much all of them except as usual the short subjects, as-yet-unreleased documentaries, and as-yet-unreleased-in-the-U.S. foreign films. I'm going to give you my favorites of the ones nominated, my actual predictions, and the MIA entries that should have been nominated. Then you can make fun of me Monday for being wrong -- my picks usually are around 60% correct, which is a pitiful rate for a film critic.
I refuse to list all the nominees -- go find a list somewhere else if you need to, then come back here.
BEST PICTURE
First of all, no-one says "picture" except Kevin Thomas. This should be "Best Movie." I'd go for "Best Flick," but that's me.
SHOULD WIN: I enjoyed the Lord of the Rings movie, but I'm gonna have to go with The Pianist, which I thought I'd hate. Polanski may be scum, but hey, I also own a Charles Manson music CD, which doesn't mean I endorse Mr. Manson's actions.
PROBABLY WILL WIN: Chicago. This is just not my kind of movie. I hate jazz, and I hate smokers. Take those away, and there's not much left.
MIA: Spirited Away is the best movie of the year, but granted that a Japanese cartoon can probably never win this award, where the hell's About Schmidt? Both it and 25th Hour were great cinematic portraits of the state of the union, and I could've solidly gotten behind either.
BEST DIRECTOR
Almodovar does not deserve to be here
SHOULD WIN: Polanski. See above. Let Almodovar accept it for him, since he likes sympathetic pervs so much.
PROBABLY WILL WIN: Rob Marshall, see also above. Maybe Scorsese, but he'll have many more chances. Marshall could be a fluke one-hit wonder.
MIA: I'd really like to have seen Mark Romanek here for One Hour Photo, which is a movie that got unfairly dismissed, though I thought it displayed more obvious thought from its director than most. Also Spike Lee for 25th Hour -- the first time I truly think he belongs here
BEST ACTOR
SHOULD WIN: Adrien Brody. The final third of The Pianist is all him, little dialogue, no other major characters, and he's mesmerizing. I didn't even super-adore The Pianist, but I think it's a better crafted film than most of its fellow nominees. If you've been avoiding it because it's another Holocaust movie, fight that urge. Everyone, including me, thought that once, but were glad we forced ourselves.
PROBABLY WILL WIN: Daniel Day-Lewis. In fairness, Bill the Butcher is one of this year's more memorable characters, though he'd seem to be more at home in a Batman movie than an Oscar-winning one. And he did tap himself in the eye with a knife.
MIA: Robin Williams in One Hour Photo, his best role ever; Edward Norton in 25th Hour, and yes, Adam Sandler in Punch-Drunk Love.
BEST ACTRESS
Diane Lane is hot, but that piece-of-shit movie Unfaithful deserves nothing beyond a public burning of its negative. See Lane naked in Knight Moves; see her act in Judge Dredd. Even those films were better than Adrian Lyne's latest adultery screed.
SHOULD WIN: This is tough. All those nominated are good, and did what the job required in all their films; problem is the films didn't require much. I'll take Salma Hayek, because Frida was by far the best movie, hell, the only bearable one in the bunch. But I'm not sure she's the best actress.
PROBABLY WILL: Nicole Kidman's fake nose.
MIA: Catherine Keener in Lovely and Amazing, the best chick flick of the year. Keener will win one day, for something. Mark my words. Also Asia Argento in Scarlet Diva and Edie Falco in Sunshine State..
SUPPORTING ACTOR
Good Lord, is it the law that Paul Newman has to be nominated for every performance he ever gives? He's a good actor, but come on.
SHOULD WIN: Christopher "God" Walken, for playing a non-scary, non-weird character and making me believe it. Also would be a way to honor Cath Me if You Can, Spielberg's best flick in years.
WILL WIN: I think Walken might just pull it off. Everyone loves Walken. If he doesn't, Chris Cooper will.
MIA: There's no way I can complain when Walken's in the running, but I honestly thought Willem Dafoe in Spider-Man should have been considered -- his "split-personality" scene is more effective than Gollum's, and performed by a real human to boot.
SUPPORTING ACTRESS
SHOULD WIN: Kathy Bates, but looks like Schmidt will be Schnubbed
PROBABLY WILL WIN: Cathy Zeta-Jones. I'd be amused as hell if Queen Latifah wins, though.
MIA: Raven Goodwin in Lovely and Amazing
CINEMATOGRAPHY
SHOULD WIN: As much as I disliked the movie, Far From Heaven, because its look was the only thing going for it, and it's one helluva look.
PROBABLY WILL WIN: Conrad Hall for Road to Perdition, because he died this year. Another tedious movie with only its look going for it.
MIA: Star Wars Episode II, One Hour Photo, Rabbit-Proof Fence.
ANIMATED FEATURE
SHOULD WIN: duh. Spirited Away, the best movie PERIOD.
PROBABLY WILL: Most older folks are still uncomfortable with animation as anything other than a children's medium, even those who do recognize it as an art form. Lilo & Stitch has a safe formula with a few hip tweaks, plus it's Disney, so it's the favorite. But Ice Age might win on the strength of it's trailer alone, and if Leonard Maltin can say, as he did, that the ultra-irritating John Leguizamo deserves an Oscar nom for the voice of Sid the Sloth, then anyone can be fooled. Fingers crossed for Miyazaki, though.
MIA: Metropolis, Bill Plympton's "Mutant Aliens," Jonah: A Veggietales Movie. All three WAY superior to Treasure Planet and that damn DreamWorks horse movie.
EDITING
SHOULD WIN: I'll give this one to The Hours, since its three different eras are never confusing in the least.
PROBABLY WILL WIN: Chicago
MIA: Spider-Man, The Ring
DOCUMENTARY FEATURE:
SHOULD WIN: Bowling For Columbine, if only to make up for the Roger & Me snub years ago
PROBABLY WILL WIN: Bowling For Columbine. Name recognition and the opportunity to piss off GWB.
MIA: jackass the movie, the highest-grossing documentary ever. Chris Smith's Home Movie. It probably wasn't eligible, but OT: Our Town was also great -- maybe next year.
FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
Submission rules need to change here. Divine Intervention didn't make it because Palestine isn't a country, and Israel won't submit a Palestinian movie; Mexico, like every country allowed only one submission, goes with El Crimen Del Padre Amaro instead of Y Tu Mama Tambien. Can't the academy members just go see more foreign films? Of the nomines, I've only seen Padre Amaro, and it isn't that good. But Hero stars Jet Li.
SHOULD WIN: I'll go with Jet Li
PROBABLY WILL: Nowhere in Africa, because it's about Jews fleeing the Holocaust. Hate to be cynical, but that often works, unless the director's a rapist-pedophile.
MIA: where to start? Spirited Away, Das Experiment, City of God, Y Tu Mama Tambien... basically every foreign movie other than the ones nominated. I'll even stand up for the original, Italian-language version of Benigni's Pinocchio.
SOUND EDITING
SHOULD AND WILL WIN: Lord of the Rings
MIA: Metropolis, Attack of the Clones.
BEST SOUND:
SHOULD WIN: Spider-Man
PROBABLY WILL: Chicago
MIA: Attack of the Clones, One Hour Photo, Panic Room, Signs
BEST COSTUMES:
SHOULD: Gangs of New York
WILL: Chicago
MIA: Attack of the Clones, Lord of the Rings
SCORE:
SHOULD: God, none of these are winners...I'll say Catch Me if You Can
WILL: Probably The Hours
MIA: One Hour Photo's score blew my mind, and is by far the year's best. Marilyn Manson's score for Resident Evil is good too.
ORIGINAL SONG
SHOULD: Eminem. "Lose Yourself" is amazingly well-written, for a movie or not.
WILL: Probably the extra one from Chicago. Maybe U2 if patriotism surges, plus people want Bono to make a political speech. For the love of God, not Paul Simon -- I never want to hear the phrase "Oscar-winning Wild Thornberries Movie."
MIA: Godsmack's "I Stand Alone," the only song on the Scorpion King soundtrack that was actually written for the film.
ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Again, Almodovar does not deserve to be here.
SHOULD WIN: None of them -- they're all friggin' derivative as hell. Gangs of NY was inspired by a book, Almodovar's script just sucks, Far From Heaven is based on Douglas Sirk movies, Y Tu Mama Tambien cribs from Jules and Jim, and My Big Fat Greek Sitcom was good but hardly radical -- Nia Vardalos' lead performance is what made it work.
PROBABLY WILL: Almodovar. I don't like it, but it is the most original.
MIA: Spirited Away is about a bath house for wayward nature spirits, one of whom is a giant radish, and a girl forced to work there because her parents were transformed into pigs. Ever hear anything like that before? I thought not. If you wanna be really anarchic, Jackass the Movie, though technically "unscripted," probably had the best story meetings.
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
SHOULD WIN: About a Boy -- everyone says it's better than the book
PROBABLY WILL: Chicago. If not that, then Adaptation, but they won't want to give it to a fictional character (Donald Kaufman)
MIA: About Schmidt, as loosely based on a book as Adaptation, masterfully rode the line between drama and comedy. Every critic loved this film -- what's wrong with you Academy folk?
ART DIRECTION
SHOULD WIN: Frida. See it yourself, and you'll know why. The most stylistically radical biopic I may have ever seen.
PROBABLY WILL:Yep, Chicago
MIA: Attack of the Clones, people! Give it that much credit at least! Or Spirited Away -- can animated films qualify?
VISUAL EFFECTS
SHOULD WIN: Lord of the Rings should and will, for the sheer level of performance the effects guys drew from Gollum and the Ents. Star Wars was more fun, but it was also almost all bluescreen stuff. And seeing trees kick ass on their lumberjacks ruled.
MIA: MIIB. But no-one else liked it.
MAKEUP
The two nominees here are Frida and The Time Machine. WHAT?
OK, so unibrow versus exposed brain -- good God, can I actually be advocating the Time Machine? What happened to Lord of the Rings and Chicago in the one category they should be in? I'd rather see Frida win any Oscar than the Time Machine, but frankly Time Machine did have more elaborate stuff.
MIA: Everything. Where's The Ring? Spider-Man? MIIB? Even the freakin' Pianist? Edward Norton's beat-up face in 25th Hour? The folks in charge of this category were smoking serious crack.
Discuss.
O...say, can you see?
This past evening's press club party was sponsored by Bacardi O, which is always a good thing, as booze company sponsorship means "free hooch," as a certain Mr. Campbell would put it. With missiles being launched halfway across the world, free drinks seemed like the logical alternative. Also schmoozed like hell to try to get this here site some recognition. Not sure I succeeded. Luke Ford, whose accounts of such things are deemed definitive in press circles, didn't mention me in his initial write-up. And Jill Stewart said she'd only post a link to my site if I don't review porn movies (I only review theatrical movies, so that's pretty much a big no, but it still surprises me how hung up some folks seem to be about filmed intercourse). Amy Alkon's excuse is that she doesn't have a links page. I told her to get one.
Jill's man Norm continues to tell me that my hair sucks. And apple martinis at Le Meridien are $10.
Good to see Broos and Sharan, though (yes, people with weirdly spelled first names are indeed meant for each other). And many thanks to Steve for providing the homeward transportation.
Almost forgot...
Carrot Top was at the party last night. Please forgive me for not kicking his ass. I am, as you must know by now, a man of peace.
Posted by LYT at 6:15 PM | Comments (0)
March 19, 2003
Credit to the opposition
I've actually been hearing and reading some fairly eloquent pro-war pieces of late -- the one on salon.com right now is quite good, and we had a big debate downtown in LA at which Michael Ignatieff raised some reasonable arguments. Am I convinced? No.
The assumption they all make is that Iraq will indisputably be a better place after Saddam. I don't think that's obvious at all. Now that we're on this path, I hope a democracy is installed. But I don't see it happening. The next dictator may be less deranged than Saddam, but I suspect he will be a dictator.
Look at Afghanistan. The Taliban are gone, but the circumstances that allowed them to come to power are still there -- stone age living conditions, territories run by warlords, many of them fundamentalist muslims who supported the Taliban. Democratically elected Pres. Karzai has little power outside Kandahar. And this year's budget originally had NO AID AT ALL to Afghanistan in it, until someone pointed out that blunder at the last minute. I do believe Afghanistan is marginally better off now than under the Taliban, but it won't stay that way unless we stay committed. Ditto Iraq, perhaps. And with the economy falling, it's highly unlikley we'll stay committed.
As Robert Scheer put it at that debate, it comes down to whether or not you trust the people in charge of this operation. I trust the military to follow orders and wage war, but I don't trust the politicians to give half a rat's ass about the aftermath once the public has forgotten about it.
But hey, with the path already chosen, I hope I'm wrong.
Bad trying-to-be-hip analogy of the day
From the LA Times' editorial page -- "Like Queen Latifah, George Bush is bringing down the house."
Criminy, you can't come up with a better movie reference than that? How about...
"Like Willard, George Bush's most trusted confidantes are filthy rodents"
"Like Chihiro, George Bush's brain has been Spirited Away"
"Like Johnny Knoxville, George Bush is a jackass"
"Like an extended rape sequence, George Bush's march to war is painful to watch and Irreversible"
Again, feel free to come up with your own.
Question of the day
Why do conservatives get so upset by certain celebrities' opinions --unrelated to their creative product -- that they feel the need to boycott all of said product (see: Dixie Chicks, Rob Reiner)? I mean, you don't hear liberals talk about boycotting Bruce Willis movies because he's a Republican who thinks he could take Saddam out all by himself (you do hear some complain about the violence level, but that's a separate issue). I haven't heard any on the Left talk about steamrolling Kid Rock CDs, as the Right has with the Dixie Chicks.
As for me, I love Charlton Heston movies, and wouldn't think of boycotting them. Though when it comes to politics, my Microsoft spellchecker is correct -- his name probably should be "charlatan."
Crazy infomercial of the week
Saw THIS on Fox News. No, nothing extremely right-wing. Just an Elvis impersonator doing contemporary songs, apprently endorsed by one of Elvis Presley's actual bodyguards, who gives it five stars.
Check the site for samples. It's worth it, from an absurdist standpoint if nothing else.
Now, if my friend Zach Passero is paying attention...DUDE! THERE'S A MARKET FOR THIS!
Posted by LYT at 4:06 PM | Comments (0)
March 18, 2003
More on Cali cold weather
I'm not the biggest weather wuss after all. Fierce winds have replaced the rain, but they're not cold -- not really. Still, at a screening tonight, to which I walked and everyone else drove, I heard a number of complaints about how cold it was. Trust me, it wasn't -- not relative to recent temperatures. Just a bit of wind, guys! I think it's psychological. When the wind shrieks and windows rattle, we're conditioned to equate that with cold.
Got my Guinness, a day late. I think from now on, I'm only going to buy alcohol from countries that oppose war with Iraq. Pretty sure Ireland is one, since the Pope's against it.
It was a popular feature last time, and it's easy to do, so...
LYT vs. GWB, round 2
"We have passed more than a dozen resolutions in the United Nations Security Council."
We who? Not you. But now you're going to uphold those resolutions by violating the entity that passed them.
"This regime has already used weapons of mass destruction against Iraq's neighbors and against Iraq's people."
...with our full consent at the time. Ever since we stopped consenting, they haven't used them.
"The danger is clear: Using, chemical, biological or, one day, nuclear weapons, obtained with the help of Iraq, the terrorists could fulfill their stated ambitions and kill thousands or hundreds of thousands of innocent people in our country or any other."
Where to start on this one? Terrorists COULD do any number of things. We're probably going to kill thousands of innocent people, and keep on killing with depleted uranium residue for years to come. And anyway, this whole thing's a misquote -- Bush didn't say "nuclear," he said "nuculer."
"Recognizing the threat to our country, the United States Congress voted overwhlemingly last year to support the use of force in Iraq."
How come an overwhelming majority vote matters in this instance, but not in any other? If majority vote mattered one iota to ya, you'd still be in Texas. Besides, the motive was more likely "recognizing the threat to their campaign contributions."
"One reason the U.N. was founded after the Second World War was to confront aggressive dictators actively and early, before they can attack the innocent and destroy the peace."
Yes, and that's precisely what they tried to do this time. But you're going to destroy the peace anyway.
"Many nations, however, do not have the resolve and fortitude to act against this threat to peace..."
Yeah, because they're too busy using their resolve to stand against the REAL threat to peace.
"For their own safety, all foreign nationals, including journalists and inspectors, should leave Iraq immediately"
That way, no-one can verify all the civilians we kill.
"War crimes will be prosecuted, war criminals will be punished, and it will be no defense to say 'I was just following orders.'"
You listening, Colin Powell?
"Should Saddam Hussein choose confrontation, the American people can know that every measure has been taken to avoid war and every measure will be taken to win it."
LOL (lie-out-loud)..."every measure has been taken to avoid war"? I know most of us don't read books, but even Bob Woodward's pro-Bush book says they've been planning this since 9-11. Name one measure we've taken to avoid war, besides insulting people, and nations, who don't agree.
"We are a peaceful people, yet we are not a fragile people."
I'll accept that as a compliment, Herr Prezz, but in my opinion, neither statement is true of you.
"Free nations have a duty to defend our people by uniting against the violent..."
And lobbing 300 cruise missiles at a country that hasn't attacked us is what...non-violent?
"Good night, and may God continue to bless America"
When did he start? Not recently.
Posted by LYT at 10:41 PM | Comments (0)
March 17, 2003
Stinkin' drinkin'
Boy, we Americans love any excuse to drink appropriately. Went to the grocery store tonight and it was cleared out of Guiness and Jameson. Still plenty of Bailey's, though -- we haven't acquired a taste for it, I guess. I myself bought some Murphy's Irish stout, to be Irish yet different.
Someone told me today of a drink called an Irish car bomb (uses all the aforementioned ingredients). Kind of amazing how tragedy can be turned into a tasty alcoholic beverage. I suggested one called "depleted uranium" -- goes down easy at first, then makes you vomit repeatedly many days later.
We need Kilkenny beer here -- I developed a taste for that last time I was back in Ireland, but I've never seen it elsewhere.
The rain has stopped, but many heavy winds have moved in to replace it. I only hope we don't have to wait for the answers to be blowin' in 'em.
Or for another night of downed live wires and shooting sparks. So far I still have power, though.
To our brave soldiers on the front line:
Please take care, and come home safely.
Please try not to kill civilians.
Avoid inhaling depleted uranium residue if you can.
And above all, thank you for defending my freedom to call the president a pea-brained fuck-head.
The missing analogy
No-one's said it quite like this yet, so I will.
Let's say you have a convicted murderer. Killed people in horrifying fashion, but he did his time. Maybe he was rehabilitated, maybe not. Probably not. He moves into a neighborhood not near you, but near a friend of yours. As soon as he does so, rumors begin circulating that he's acquiring a large amount of guns. You know he's sympathetic to other people you dislike, though the jury's out as to whether he actually hangs around with them or not.
You see where this is going, right? You have the right to post a restraining order. You have the right to try and get a search warrant. You have the right to arm yoruself. But YOU DO NOT have the right, under U.S. law or otherwise, to go into his house and blow him away before he's actually attacked you or your friend.
This isn't Minority Report. There's no such thing as precrime. This message is for the benefit of those who say we won't have a smoking gun until it's already been fired, and thus need to act preemptively. Sorry, no precedent in US law for that, unless you thought the incidents at Waco and Ruby Ridge were great examples of American justice.
Ah Jaysus, yer a tick feckin' eejit
Happy St. Paddy's day, all. And I hope all good Catholics (and everyone else) are appalled that today is the day Bush has declared to be Saddam's deadline.
So get plastered today, because the war likely starts tomorrow.
Posted by LYT at 11:54 PM | Comments (0)
March 14, 2003
More on moron, Moran
Some guy posting at laexaminer.com has taken the whole Moran/Jew controversy to the next level, by suggesting that "neoconservative" is a liberal codeword for "Jew," thus allowing lefties to get away with anti-Semitism. (actually, since Arabs are Semitic, many Jews and conservative are technically anti-Semitic too).
What?
Neoconservative is a conservative who favors an active, interventionist foreign policy (as opposed to old conservatives, e.g. Pat Buchanan, who believe in isolationism). Presumably people from all religious creeds and ethnicities can fall into this category. Joe Lieberman, George Bush, Condoleeza Rice, Osama Bin Laden -- definite differences in race and belief there, right? But all are technically neocons, by my understanding of the term.
Also, New Times was labeled "neocon" by all those who danced on its grave. But I dealt with that issue somewhere way back in my journal archives. We certainly weren't all Jewish.
Finally, someone else said it
The Boston Phoenix talks about Eric Alterman's recent appearance at Harvard:
'He took on National Public Radio, that alleged bastion of media liberalism, saying, "How long would you have to listen to NPR before you would hear a show called Labor Watch?" As for why the Fox News Channel, with its much smaller audience, seems to be more influential than NPR, he explained, "NPR is like a James Taylor concert. Fox News is like a Led Zeppelin concert." For good measure, he admitted he rarely listens to NPR, saying, "I hate that voice that they have."'
Most old school lefties you say this sort of thing to will tell you that they want substance, not flash, and that's why they like NPR. But it isn't about you -- it's about winning over people who aren't acolytes, and I think Alterman puts his finger on why conservatives have been better at influencing the masses in recent years.
Posted by LYT at 4:03 PM | Comments (0)
March 13, 2003
Another landmark reached
At the ripe old age of 28, I have now officially undergone the right of passage known as "meeting your ex's new guy." Since I only have -- by an optimistic count -- two exes, this doesn't happen often. Didn't go badly at all. In fact, they actually both look kind of similar (not gender-wise, but style-wise); a better aesthetic fit than she and I. That seems to be true of a lot of successful couples -- both parties do tend to share a "look."
And maybe that's why I have had trouble in the quest -- ain't nobody looks a damn thing like me.
Tears of the Sunofabitch
Bruce Willis apparently personally asked Prez'dent Bush to be deployed to Iraq so he could go kill Saddam.
Remind me again: Isn't it liberals who are supposed to be the hopeless idealists out-of-touch with reality?
Offensensitivity
There's a bit of a furor going on right now over Virginia Democrat Jim Moran's remark that "If it were not for the strong support of the Jewish community for this war with Iraq we would not be doing this. ... The leaders of the Jewish community are influential enough that they could change the direction of where this is going and I think they should."
I'm sort of curious as to what the big deal is here, because based on what I'm reading, it seems like a lot of the outrage is simply a knee-jerk response to the fact that he said the word "Jewish."
If serious research is done that shows that a majority of Jews and Jewish special interest lobbyists are opposed to war with Iraq, then Moran is dead wrong, and should be ridiculed on that basis. (though the burden of proof should of course be on Moran to back his assessment up, rather than on others to prove him wrong -- I just don't hear many people arguing the point based on actual statistics)
If they're overwhelmingly in favor, then what he said seems like a fair assessment to me. Perhaps it's an offense to suggest that an entire community thinks one way, but people do that all the time. Jesse Jackson often assumes he speaks for all black people. Liberals often make comments along the lines of the notion that all rednecks support Bush, or that the Republican party represents every rich white male. Republicans often assume that the Democrats represent every liberal.
If Moran had said that much of the opposition to the war was based on the concerns and lobbying of Arabs, would people be as offended?
If he said that Democrats couldn't succeed without the black vote, would that be racist? (from a statistician's point of view, it's true)
Those of you who find what he said offensive, please, tell me why. I will not get mad at you. I really don't understand the flap, and I'd like to.
This explains it, kinda:
Here's what Reuters says about Moran: "Rep. James Moran of Virginia, under fire for saying Jews were behind the buildup toward war with Iraq, should not seek re-election next year"
In the quote I saw, he didn't quite say that. But if that's how people are interpreting it, then I do get why they're mad. It seems to me there's a difference between saying that the support of the Jewish community strongly influences the war than saying "Jews are behind the war." Like, many of us Lefties are saying that the support of the Religious Right strongly influences the war, but none of us (I think) has actually said "Christians are behind the war." If it turns out that, like Trent Lott, Moran has a track record of supporting discrimination, then by all means make him resign. But making someone quit over a sound byte that seems to have been slightly misinterpreted is not fair. He'll probably resign nonetheless.
And let's be fair to conservative Jews -- when peace marches feature their share of nincompoops chanting "Long live the Intifada!" (as LA's big march did), I can't really blame anyone Jewish for wanting to distance themselves from that, and run to the other side of the political fence.
Quinn-tastic?
Caught Colin Quinn's new show again last night. It's already getting better. This time, the obligatory skit was he and Sarah Silverman answering letters to advice columnists in other magazines. Sarah is, of course, amazing. Damn Jimmy Kimmel for taking her off the market. Anyway, even without her, Colin already seems more relaxed, like I predicted he would. I think this is a show that deserves a chance. Also, there wasn't really a monologue this time out -- like I suggested. I think they know what they're doing with this show.
And incidentally, I'm very impressed with Comedy Central all around these days. I never thought the Daily Show would get over the loss of Craig Kilborn, but I have to say that in tense times, Jon Stewart's comedic take on the news is invaluable. Dave Attell's show "Insomniac" has a brilliance all its own, and I just caught an episode of the animated "Clerks" series for the first time. Not that it's saying much, but I'd call it the best thing Kevin Smith's ever done. The animated movie might actually be good.
Bush Sr. to son: Don't be a dumbass
Well, not quite. But close. CLICK HERE for the story, naturally reported in the UK rather than here.
Posted by LYT at 11:23 PM | Comments (0)
March 11, 2003
Remember, you can't spell "Sinbad" without "sin"...and "bad"
Been reading a few advance reviews on this DreamWorks Sinbad animated feature (the mythological sailor, not the tall and unfunny comedian). Seems the villains in it include the Sirens and Eris, Goddess of Strife.
Here's an IQ test: Anyone see the problem there?
Answer: Eris and the Sirens are from Greek mythology. Sinbad is an Arabian myth.
All you wrong-headed protesters who thought The Siege was offensive (turned out to be fairly accurate, in fact), are you guys gonna set DreamWorks straight on this? The last thing we need is more bungling of Arabian culture. It is interesting, though, that DreamWorks are putting out a movie with an Iraqi hero (voiced by the very Arabian Brad Pitt, of course) right now. Sinbad, for those who don't know, is always trying to find his way back home to Baghdad.
REALLY, REALLY STUPID REPUBLICANS OF THE WEEK: Reps Walter Jones and Bob Ney
(click on the link above. I dare ya.)
Mick-numb, P.I.
Did anyone else check out Colin Quinn's new "Politically Incorrect" ripoff, "Tough Crowd," last night? I miss PI. I always wanted to be on it (my friend Amy Alkon knew one of the bookers, but never introduced me). Now I understand Bill Maher has an uncensored version on HBO, but shit, I pay almost $50 for basic cable, and see movies when they come out -- HBO is a needless luxury right now.
Tough Crowd has a rotating panel that consists solely of comedians, which makes it more entertaining on average. On the first episode at least, many of the comedians were willing to resort to saying tremendously offensive things for laughs -- perhaps they may be genuine views, but unlike with, say, Ann Coulter, the "it was just a joke" defense holds more water here.
Where it misfired was a non-panel segment, with Colin taking an actual temp worker and giving him a primer on how white guys in the office treat new black hires. It wasn't offensive, just weirdly tangential and not very funny.
And Quinn himself has never seemed very comfortable on TV. On SNL's Weekend Update, and this, he does that thing that most nervous public speakers do, which is to talk too fast, not breathe properly, and inadvertently bury the punchline. When Quinn is relaxed, he can be very funny (see him in the Jerry Seinfeld documentary Comedian for proof), but he only loosened up a little on this show. I think as he gets more used to the format, he'll ease into it, and in fact this could be the perfect vehicle for him.
I'll keep watching, if I can remember to do so. Much like PI, the show needs to lose the opening monologue. Quinn even kinda pointed that out, noting that the opening credits got more applause than his jokes.
Posted by LYT at 4:08 PM | Comments (0)
March 9, 2003
Eating Crowther
Hal Crowther (remember, my friend who equated Eminem with actual torture?) puts the march to war in perspective in a cover story this week for the North Carolina Independent. It's articles like this one that make me remember why we're still kindred spirits.
Da na na na na na na na na...Man Made Tunnel!
So yesterday, me and some friends went walking through Griffith Park in search of the original TV show Batcave. After much discussion of beetles crossing the road, and espying a large metal drum full of slots that looked like a low-rent Tower of Orthanc, we found it.
Of course, the actual Batcave interior was a soundstage. The exterior cave is simply a hole blasted through a hill. In a case of Hollywood ironies, they have this wonderful looking natural rock face, but when we were there they had filled the interior with fake movie rocks. For what, you may ask?
Tremors 4, according to the security guard. (I suspect he must mean Tremors: The Series, debuting on Sci-Fi Channel this Fall).
Tonight there's a TV movie starring Adam West and Burt Ward, in which they search for a stolen Batmobile while reminiscing about their TV show in flashbacks wherein they get played by other actors. Sounds genius. Check local listings.
Posted by LYT at 11:41 AM | Comments (0)
March 8, 2003
The conscience in me
I shouldn't even really dignify it with a response, but as I was flipping channels last night I came across Pat Robertson's 700 Club, doing a piece on former Black Panther sympathizer David Horowitz who has long since become a rabid right winger because a Black Panther killed one of his friends or something. He blames every liberal in the world for that, and in the past few years has made a habit of going to university campuses and making provocative statements and being a general pain in the ass so that when he's finally and inevitably banned for doing so, he can claim that liberals have run amuck and are censoring all conservatives on campus while teaching students to hate America.
Well, boo-frickin-hoo, David. Your pals have all three branches of government, every major corporation in our capitalist society, and a large number of major news outlets, despite your smokescreen talk of liberal bias in the media that no thinking person believes.
Go speak at USC. They welcomed Oliver North when I was enrolled there. You'd be the campus hero.
As a follow-up to this story, Pat Robertson came on and said something like "You never saw these antiwar protesters oppose Clinton's war in Bosnia, or the treatment of women under the Taliban." Probably because you weren't looking, Pat -- we were talking about it back then, and when Bush gets creamed by a Democrat in 2004, I'll give that Democrat a hard time too. I briefly lost friends over how harsh I was on Al Gore.
But a more valid point to take is that, hmm, maybe you only notice the protesters on this one because it's more than just liberals? People who don't usually oppose war are against Dubya's moronic scheme. Plenty of conservatives know it'll wreck the economy. Libertarians know we don't need another quagmire like Afghanistan. The public doesn't really belive we'll install a democracy, and they don't want to invest their time and tax dollars to find out if that's true or not. Also most of us are a shitload more scared by North Korea and Osama.
Liberals will oppose war on principal, and I respect that, though for the first time ever in my life I was in favor of military action when we overthrew the Taliban. Not only was that regime Nazi-like, but not responding to 9-11 would've emboldened other countries to strike at us, I think. Some on the extreme left alienated a majority of Americans by saying we deserved 9-11, but Noam Chomsky and co. have nowhere near the audience of Robertson and his buddy Falwell, who, uh, did the exact same thing.
I was going to wait until war broke out to reprint these rock lyrics from 1991, right about the time that my high school classmates were listening to Hank Jr. sing "hey Ol' Saddam, you figgered wrong, when you thought the whole world would back down...You can take your poison gas, and stick it in your sassafras."
OH SAY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT THE CONSCIENCE IN ME SAID GO BACK
WHEN THE CLOUDS IN THE SKIES AND THE TEARS IN MY EYES TURNED TO BLACK
THERE'S A FEAR I MAY DIE IN A CHEMICAL WEAPONS ATTACK
IRAQ - NAPHOBIA
- Pro-Pain, "Iraqnaphobia," from the album Foul Taste of Freedom (which I highly recommend, btw)
Posted by LYT at 1:25 AM | Comments (0)
March 7, 2003
WWBD?
The following is from Media Whores Online (see link on my links page). Good stuff, and it almost makes me ignore the fact that on the same page, they claim that all the blood in the upcoming Iraq war is on Ralph Nader's hands.
We have heard more than enough lately about Bush's "deep faith." The parallels between Bush and Jesus are certainly remarkable. Consider, for example, the similarities between Bush and Jesus in their treatment of condemned women at their mercy:
And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto Jesus a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, smirked and sneered, and said unto them, "Oh, please, Mr. Jesus. Don't let them stone me to death!" The crowd erupted in laughter with Him.
And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went about stoning the woman one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone. When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, "Woman, I condemned thee."
(John 7)
Bush, Jesus, and Public Prayer:
And when thou prayest, do not be like the liberals, for they love to pray in private, away from the sight of men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.
But thou, when thou prayest, leave thy closet, pray to thy Father not in secret; and thy Father which seeth not in secret shall reward thee openly with the votes of the equally sanctimonious and articles by Howard Fineman and Nicholas Kristof about your Godliness, and comments by Wolf Blitzer about your "deep faith."
And when thou prayest, go to the Capitol steps and scream "UNDER GOD" as loudly as you can, shaking your fist righteously. Force other people's children to pray in public schools. Engrave prayers on your coinage. Declare yourself over and over to be a follower of mine, even more loudly and frequently while simultaneously planning the unnecessary murders of tens of thousands of innocents.
(Matthew 6)
The Bush Evangelicals, Jesus, and the Money Changers
When Jesus arrived and saw this, He decided to help the 700 Club and Thomas Road Baptist Church's money changers and sellers of animals. Jesus gave a hearty thumbs up as he moved among the buyers and sellers. There were many of them, and Jesus was but one man, but they saw that He had power and asked him to work the phones with them. Jesus got on the pledge phones and helped bilk desperate, elderly people out of their life's savings, and turned all the money over of the money changers. Then He said to them, "Take these things hence; buy yourselves lots of expensive homes, cars, and clothing. Get on TV and spread the message of hate far and wide, and urge your followers to vote for George W. Bush, a man of God. He'll reward you with hundreds of thousands of "Faith Based Initiative" dollars, stolen from the taxpayers.
Tell your audiences that hurricanes will devastate places like Orlando, Florida because Disney World holds Gay Days. When those hurricanes instead devastate Virginia Beach, home of the ACLJ, say nothing and hope nobody notices."
(John 2)
Bush, Jesus, and Wealth
If you desire to be perfect, go, sell your belongings to the poor for as much profit as you can; enrich yourself and your wealthy friends by using the proceeds to hire more desperate poor people at lowest wages possible; let them produce additional belongings for you to sell, and you shall not only be rewarded with healthy profits to pocket but you shall have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me."
(Matthew 19)
Posted by LYT at 12:06 AM | Comments (0)
March 6, 2003
If only he would ACTUALLY resign
A recent cover story in the LA Times proclaimed that the U.S. is "resigned" to the idea of a nuclear North Korea. Bush continues to say that diplomacy will solve things, though he hasn't actually tried diplomacy. For a brief moment, this uncharacteristic thought occurred to me, "Hey, maybe a missile defense system is a good thing."
That was rapidly replaced by a more sobering thought. What if Bush is allowing North Korea to become a threat in order to get his pet system deployed? More disturbing still is the recent story that a special exemption has been asked to allow this system to be put into place without any testing. Given that all tests so far have been blatantly rigged, this means that the system likely doesn't work.
And yet, while we have a chance to prevent one of the world's most awful regimes from getting nukes that they could either use or more likely sell to terrorists, we don't take it.
Why do I think that if Japan were mentioned in the Book of Revelation, things might be going down differently?
Fruit 'n nuts
Talk about political correctness gone amuck. I was just at the grocery store, in the produce section, observing their selection of the large citrus fruit known as the Ugli.
Did I say Ugli? Apparently, I meant "Uniq." As in "You are a beautiful, uniq snowflake." They changed the freakin' name of the fruit to make it sound more positive.
Wouldn't want to hurt the feelings of a piece of produce.
Posted by LYT at 4:10 PM | Comments (0)
March 1, 2003
B-day for JT
Today is my Dad's 56th birthday. I don't know if he reads this site much, but if anyone wants to post a birthday greeting, do it in the "Family" section of the message board.
Devil May Cry
According to a survey in today's LA Times, 68% of Americans believe in the Devil. Most of those, some 75% I think, are Republicans. Don't stop me here; I'm gonna go on a roll --
Of course Republicans believe in the Devil. It only makes sense to keep track of who you sold your soul to.
Of course Republicans believe in the Devil. After all, they got him elected president last time around.
Of course Republicans believe in the Devil. Unlike liberals, they're rational people with real-world solutions to America's problems, all of which are caused by a red supernatural figure with horns and a tail.
Of course Republicans believe in the Devil. They also believe in the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, and an alliance between Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden.
Of course Republicans believe in the Devil. Unfortunately, they've never managed to convince any sane person that his name is Bill Clinton.
Of course Republicans believe in the Devil. Why, if they didn't, Jerry Falwell would be nothing but an unscrupulous, conniving shyster who preys on the prejudices and miseries of others...Oh, waitaminute!
How about it, people -- these are fun! Come up with some of your own!
Posted by LYT at 7:32 PM | Comments (0)