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September 29, 2003

Short (Temper) Bus

So there was some press club party tonight. Good people and all that. But I'm not here to talk about that, though I could go on and on about the obscenely overpriced drinks that I nonetheless imbibed many of. And I should thank Tim DeRoche for the ride home, and mention that Eric Almendral was there, thus making it a real party.

No, I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here to talk about the bus ride over. A new old car should be showing up soon, and maybe this will soon be a thing of the past. But not yet.

I pay the fare with a token, the bus nearly leaves without me, but I raise my hand, and the driver lets me in, token, seat taken, bam.

A few stops later, I realize I will need a transfer. So I go up to the driver, and say "Sorry, I forgot earlier. Can I get a transfer now?" and I drop in a quarter.

He shakes his head.

"No?"

"I don't remember what you did when you got on the bus"

"I put a token in."

"I don't remember what you did when you got on the bus!"

What is this, a mantra?

"I paid my fare."

"I don't remember what you did when you got on the bus, that's what I'm telling you."

"I can't get a transfer for a quarter?"

"That's not how it works. You take care of your bidness when you get on."

"What if I put in another token, can I get one then?"

"That's up to you."

I realize it isn't worth it, since I'm going to Westwood and can get a Big Blue Bus for 75c, less than the cost of a 90c token.

Exactly how many possibilities could there have been for this bus driver to contemplate? Either I paid the fare when I got on, or I did not. If I did not, I must have either had a pass (and if so, why would I want a transfer?) or I snuck on, and given that I'm 6'3" with orange-streaked hair, that seems kind of unlikely.

Maybe he was a Republican. I had on my "Fuck Bush" shirt.

Luke Ford used my middle initial in his write-up tonight. He probably has no idea how happy that makes me. I hope more people follow suit.

Reason:

Internet searches for "Luke Thompson" turn up lots of people. Searches for "Luke Y. Thompson," however, only give you me.

Photos were taken. Some may surface. All are lies, damn lies.

Addendum: After I wrote the above, Mr. Ford wrote more regarding my Bush shirt. This is an expansion of what he actually said to me directly, which was, "Oy Vey!"

"How can someone sink so morally low so as to wear such a T-shirt in public, polluting the moral atmosphere, dirtying others souls, fouling the climate of decency, and just generally defecating on everyone who has to look at such a thing? This kind of soul pollution is a bigger threat to America than air pollution or water pollution, says Dennis Prager.

Cathy Seipp prances around with her pagan fake tattoos, like a Hittite priestess on the way to an orgy combined with human sacrifice. Such fun! Bring back Aztec civilization. Let's all desecrate our bodies, piss on the sacred, wear obscene T-shirts, support obscene movies and music, drink ourselves silly and act like apes. Love that secular culture."

Hell, sounds good to me.

Posted by LYT at 1:50 AM | Comments (1)

September 28, 2003

Ann then there were none...

I was flipping through the new paperback edition of Ann Coulter's Slander in the bookstore. It features a new foreward by the devil himself, Rush Limbaugh, who basically argues that (a) liberals just don't get Ann's "sense of humor" (she has one?) and (b) she must be right about everything she says, because it makes liberals mad.

Anyway, that speaks for itself. What's interesting is when he deals with Coulter's infamous post-9/11 remark that "We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity." Via Rush, we get Ann's explanation, which (roughly paraphrased, since there's no way I'm actually gonna buy that book) is that the first two points became official U.S. government policy, and as for the third, Christianity is a transforming power for good.

I won't argue with her on the third (though I question her credentials to speak for Christianity -- if she knew much about it, she might have read something about not bearing false witness, and turning the other cheek), but as usual, she's wrong on the first two. It never became offical U.S. policy to invade Saudi Arabia and Egypt, and as far as I know, we're still cozy with their leaders.

Cop(pola) a Feel

"Hit the beat now...

Lost in Trans-la-tioooon...

Que sera, que sera"

If you catch any reference in the above text other than the title of the Sofia Coppola movie, you're my generation. Anyhow, I finally got to see this flick everybody's talking about. Lots of critics love it, a few vehemently go against the grain.

Me? I liked it. However, I get the feeling that any viewer's opinion of the film will be based upon the degree to which he/she can personally relate to either of the two lead characters. And when a movie depends on that, critics who can't relate will come off as particularly condescending to the devotees, whether they mean to or not.

Don't quote me out of context on this, but I relate to Bill Murray. I can imagine myself in 20 years, alone in some fancy hotel room in a strange town not making any meaningful human connections, and drinking every night.

In a weird way, I think Chris Sivertson's Sweet Pickens films are trying to get at the same thing.

I think criticisms by the contrarians about it condescending to Japan are beside the point. I really feel this story could be told anywhere. Set it in L.A., make Murray's character 20 years younger, and my life wouldn't look all that different. I think perhaps the people who don't like the film have happy families and don't feel this kind of isolation on a regular basis.

Not that my family's unhappy. But most of it is well over 3000 miles away.

Is it the best film of the year? No. I take the controversial stance that The Matrix Reloaded is. Oscar watch? Who gives a flying fuck about those awards? (Oh, right, everyone but me. Let's say an Original Screenplay nod, possibly acting noms for the leads but those may be longshots).

But I'm very glad Lost in Translation exists.

Posted by LYT at 1:46 AM | Comments (0)

September 27, 2003

Sweet and Lowbrow

Thursday night reminded me of college -- I coulda stayed home and done my homework, but instead stayed up until the wee hours with some old college friends, plus a couple of new ones who just feel like they were somehow in college with me in a parallel universe.

This after watching an advance screening of Radio, that new movie in which Cuba Gooding Jr. basically plays the retarded Crank Yanker puppet. I think Gooding must be retarded, given his choice of movie roles.

Thus, the way to cleanse my palate was to see the newly edited version of Chris Sivertson's half-hour movie "Sweet Pickens 2," starring Lucky McKee, me, Zach Passero, Lucky's ex-girlfriend Tracy, unsuspecting homeless guys, and a split second cameo by Jaye Barnes-Luckett.

The Sweet Pickens movies are essentially Chris and Ed's version of a Dogme film. The structure is never predetermined beforehand -- they may spontaneously decide to shoot a scene when inspiration strikes, and it's never scripted. I was added into the movie when Chris decided he liked watching me eat turkey wings. Chris is such an amazing editor, though, that he's managed to create a story out of many hours of random footage.

The first Sweet Pickens was mainly just Lucky wandering around his neighborhood. This one has that, but also many more characters, focusing mostly on Lucky (as Sweet Pickens himself) and Tracy. Tracy is fairly shameless -- she allowed the guys to film her in a urination scene and a rape scene, all fairly harsh given the verite vibe of the thing.

It was shot over such a long period of time that both Lucky and I vary wildly in our appearances, but there's never confusion over our identities. It also adds to the vibe that all of the story may be in Sweet's head.

I'm a little biased, obviously, but very happy to have it on my resume. I think it's way cooler than part one.

Here's what another friend thought of it:

"probably the most wrong thing I've seen in long time, but it was well made and the friend part of me enjoyed the movie. If anyone else besides Chris made it, I'd probably be cussing up a storm about how degrading and wrong it was. But I think I understand why he made it. Part of my soul disappeared for a second seeing people I love thinking of the most disgusting things to do and say that were well beyond the means of what I see as healthy liberation. But at the same time, I know the people involved and I feel wholeheartedly assured that there IS a difference between film and reality. Film, here, is just like kids playing 'war' and 'action figures' in the backyard. They would not really want anyone to be hurt and would be up in arms if someone did the things in reality that they do on film. Very interesting and posed many moral dilemmas within myself and questioning of said friends, but I conclude everyone's okay and I don't fear any pychopathic unleashing."

Every moviegoer should be this empowered

Jaye Barnes-Luckett encounters one of the many who annoyingly put their feet up on the seat in front of them.

"I figure if I'm going to pay to see a movie (and in this case, I paid $14, forgetting it was a Friday at that over-priced theatre, but too lazy to leave to return tomorrow morning instead - when it would be $11(!!!!)), I don't want anyone putting their funky brogans on the back of my seat and stirring me out of the theatrical experience. Hello, there's a person here! This is not a pool hall, it's a sacred House of Illusion, show some bleepin respect, will ya?

First couple of times, I waved my hand over my head so they would have no excuse of not knowing someone was there. The backs of the seats are pretty tall, so you really couldn't see my head, and especially since my hair is so dark, as are the navy blue seats. Next time, I snapped my fingers. It continued. Once more, I threw my body against the back of my seat to jar his feet.

And the wise apple did it again, so I reached around and in between my seat and the empty one next to me and simply smacked the guy's feet down to the ground. I then stood up in total anger because the fact that I had to go there... and in the middle of a movie I desperately wanted to see (and again enough to pay $14 for) really sent my breasticles through the roof. I climbed into my seat facing him and talk-whispered as to not disturb the other viewers as much as possible. I figured either that or I was gonna end up ruining the entire screening by leaping over and having a mid-movie brawl,

'Look. I paid money to see this movie and I can't concentrate on it with you knocking your feet against the back of my seat like a hyperactive monkey. You can either put your feet on the ground like a normal person, move over to the next seat and put your foot up on an empty seat or I can come back there and shove your feet up your ass so you don't have to worry about it either way.'

A couple of people shushed me and I was so pissed already that I was admittedly an ass and told them to fuck off (but quietly, at least I did it politely... you've gotta give me that... [uncomfortable silence]), but the guy said nothing. I guarantee you his feet stayed squarely on the ground for the duration of the film. During the credits I looked up as they were leaving, to find that his girlfriend was staring me down on their way out. I looked at her wide-eyed and she hurried her head back in the other direction."

More HERE

Random thoughts on the two major parties

Why are Republican states on electoral maps designated red, and Democratic states blue? Given red's assoication with Marxism and/or the working class, and the phrase "true-blue conservative," shouldn't it be the other way around? It is in England. I dunno, just sounds funny when people say "So-and-so's so right wing, he should move to a red state." Those who lived through McCarthy must see the irony.

Would it provoke an impossible paradox if a bill were introduced allowing illegal aliens to smoke in restaurants?

i.e.

the Dems will vote for virtually any pro-illegal alien bill, but against most smoking "rights"

while the Reps will reflexively vote exactly the opposite way.

(this is what passes for "humor" on this site right now. Forgive me.)

Posted by LYT at 1:43 AM | Comments (0)

September 23, 2003

I do a favor for Kevin Thomas

Saying I'm not generally that fond of L.A. Times critic Kevin Thomas would be accurate. But tonight, I was nice to him when I didn't have to be.

I'm in the front row of the screening, and Kevin starts walking his way in my general direction. This confuses and worries me: is he planning on sitting next to me? He's usually a back-row kinda guy.

No, but it turns out he did come over just to talk to me, wanting to know where I got the press kit. I tell him it was at the desk upstairs. He sighs. "You mean I have to go all the way back upstairs?" Normally, he might say this sort of thing in a righteously indignant tone, but tonight he just sounds weary.

"Tell you what," I say. "Why don't you take my notes. I'll pick some more up on the way out."

"Thank you, that's very kind of you, " he responds.

To reiterate: Kevin Thomas. Was polite. He needed the notes more than me -- my review will be limited to 170 words, which won't allow me to name many of the cast and crew anyhow.

The movie we were there to see was Duplex, in which a young couple spend the whole movie trying to get rid of an annoying old person.

Bill Me Later...

Here's something odd...In Los Angeles, to the best of my knowledge, Kill Bill Volume 1 will not be screening for reviewers until the day before it opens.

That'd be Quentin Tarantino's new movie. Not showing in time for anybody to get a review in by deadline for opening day.

Yes, the fourth film from an auteur so popular that his fanbase hardly deserves to be called a cult any more. A movie whose script was the talk of the town a year ago.

What are they thinking?

This isn't sour grapes. I don't particularly care that I don't get to write about it. It is screening in a timely fashion in other cities. Just not here, as far as I can tell.

This sort of thing rarely bodes well for a film's quality. Maybe it just isn't finished yet?

Robert Scheer gets hysterical

I often agree with liberal columnist Robert Scheer, though I'd prefer it if he'd generally provide more evidence to back his statements up. But this week he sounds very un-liberal, as he gets all freaked out by an Arnold Schwarzenegger interview in which Arnie expresses glee about shoving the evil Terminatrix's head into a toilet bowl.

Quoth Robert:

"Most important of those is whether Schwarzenegger makes any connection between the incessant depiction of extreme violence in his films and the astonishing violence of our society. If he pushes an "evil" woman's head in the toilet and laughs, does he bear any responsibility if some guy goes home and does it to his girlfriend the next time he gets angry?"

Wasn't this Bob Dole's argument way back when? Aren't you committeed to freedom of expression, Robert?

Oh, right. Except when it's a Republican.

Newsflash: The Terminator movies have a left-leaning, anti-nuclear theme. Railing on them to bash an actor in them who in real-life runs as a Republican is stupid, petty, and partisan.

No, it's not Arnold's responsibility if some dumbass decides that behavior exhibited by a killer robot from the future should be imitated. That should be obvious.

I think Arnold's a lousy candidate, myself, but this ain't the way to bash him.

It's fun to speculate

Most of you probably know that Todd McFarlane has just put out a toy line called Twisted Land of Oz, which loosely adapts the L. Frank Baum mythos into an R-rated, sex and violence laden torture fantasy

I've speculated before about other possible lines Todd could corrupt -- think I'm gonna work on the "Todd McFarlane's Jesus" concept before going into more details here -- but it's very easy to have fun with the possibilities of what could be next. If I were Todd, I might choose to go with....

Twisted Winnie the Pooh!

figures in this line include:

Pooh Bear: No longer a simple stuffed toy, this Pooh Bear is a seven foot American grizzly! Foaming at the mouth with rage because he got stuck not in a rabbit hole but in a humongous steel trap, Pooh has a swarm of bees surrounding his hindquarters, and the severed head of Owl in his right hand! And talk about being a bear of very little brain -- it's because half of it is leaking out his massive headwound!

Eeyore: This donkey has reason to be depressed -- someone ripped his tail out of its socket, leaving a big bloody gash just above his hind legs. Tears of blood stream down the cheeks of this apathetic ass -- he's literally coming apart at the seams, but in a twist from the original, it isn't his tail that's nailed in place; it's all his limbs!

Kanga and Roo: Roo was one anxious Joey to be born, so the youngster exited Mom's pouch a wee bit early! Hairless, skinless, and dripping with afterbirth, Roo remains attached to Kanga via the umbilical cord (with bungee-bouncin' action). Kanga has big hooters, and one foot bigger than the other, covered in spikes.

Piglet: The little guy's finally hitting puberty! Now equipped with growing tusks and a pot belly, Piglet comes with a sty in which to wallow around in his own filth. Also, the side of his chest has been cut open, and the wounded, exposed ribcage infested with maggots. The only articulation on this figure is in the neck, which can be posed to make Piglet appear to be eating his own bloody, dirty flesh.

Christopher Robin: Young Christopher will eternally be a child -- mentally, that is! Physically, he's grown up to be a fat, 50-year-old man in a diaper who still plays with stuffed toys! Comes with six butcher knives, chopping block, and a chainsaw.

Heffalump: A giant demon-elephant with fangs, bat wings, and little gargoyles riding on its back. For no good reason, the gargoyles are all wearing strap-on dildoes.

The sad part is I'd buy these toys in a heartbeat if they were real.

Posted by LYT at 1:41 AM | Comments (0)

September 21, 2003

And the award for "Busiest Overweight Fact-Fudging-But-Funny Liberal of the Year" goes to...

Michael Moore. His next book is already imminent.

And for those who frequently try to make a connection where there is none, NO, Michael Moore is not the Left's Ann Coulter. If he were, he'd accuse all conservatives of treason and recommend that we adopt Roman law and start throwing Christians to the lions again.

Also, he'd be thin and attractive.

(Note: Moore repsonds to some, though not all, of the criticisms about his fact-fudging HERE. Though I don't believe the most significant arguments he uses are wrong, I still think he gets sloppy from time to time.)

Posted by LYT at 1:39 AM | Comments (0)

September 19, 2003

Who's the real revisionist?

It's probably pointless to argue logically with the fanatics at Movieguide.org. But one complaint they had with the anime Millennium Actress stands out. Dr. Ted Baehr and Dr. Tom Snyder (not the talk show host) complain that the film contains a "politically correct, revisionist history comment about fascists being right wing when, in reality, national socialism is left wing"

Fascism is right wing. Totalitarian communism is left wing. The irony is that both have pretty much the same result. Most people know this.

Nazism, a.k.a. National Socialism, neither resembled anything like the kind of socialism hippies espouse nor was in any way Left Wing. Doctors Baehr and Snyder would have found Hitler a kindred spirit on one major issue -- hatred of communism. Commies went to the gas chambers alongside the Jews. Dr. Baehr's reviewers loathed The Majestic because it dared to suggest that Joe McCarthy might have been overzealous. Not the same as killing anyone, I know. But pathological fear of communists is a right-wing trait, not left-wing. Hitler's attitude toward homosexuals was also remarkably similar to that of the religious right.

And rabid nationalism? That's a right wing trait too, and a major characteristic of all stripes of fascism. Banning perceived immorality is right wing too -- ask John Ashcroft.

But wait -- the Nazis didn't believe in personal gun ownership! Gosh, they must have been liberal!

Who's the real whiner?

Eric Alterman can't let go of his Nader fixation:

"Speaking of people who need their (metaphorical) butts kicked, but good, Ralph Nader whines, 'Old-timers years ago would have wondered what the Mayor means by marketing NYC. Cities were viewed more benignly when they were more livable, more employable at good wages, more replete with public institutions like good libraries, good public transit, good schools, good hospitals and clinics and good recreational facilities in the neighborhoods. New York City is crumbling on these measurements.'

Hey Ralph, no one, and I mean no one on the planet, is more responsible for the deterioration in the quality of life of my city than you are, bud. All you had to do was say, 'I ran a great race and thanks for your support but this guy Bush is scary. Vote for Al, not me and we’ll we what we can get at the bargaining table….' But no, you wanted to elect Bush. And you did. Congrats. "

Notice how Eric doesn't engage anything in the substance of what Nader said, but rather implies that he has no right to express an opinion on anything because he ran against the beloved Gore-Lieberman ticket.

If I argued like Eric, I'd blame Gore for running a shitty campaign every time Bush does something I dislike. But no, I actually blame Bush. At the root of Alterman's logic seems to be the concept that the buck somehow doesn't stop with Bush, because Bush, being evil, simply doesn't know any better. So he blames the one guy who actually tried to introduce new ideas in the 2000 campaign. And anyway, what does Bush have to do with the condition of NYC? Unless you're planning to argue that Bush knew 9-11 would happen... Seems to me it was a Republican mayor with his shit together who made New York strong again in the aftermath of tragedy.

Nader would not have gotten a foothold at any Gore-Lieberman bargaining table. Gore and Lieberman publicly dismissed him any time his name came up, as I recall. If you can prove me wrong on that score, I'll eat my words.

Posted by LYT at 1:35 AM | Comments (0)

September 17, 2003

McGovernor

Press Club held a gubernatorial debate today. Since it was free, in my neighborhood, and might afford me the usual opportunities to promote myself, I went. I was pretty kickass in my deer camo pants (the only deer hunter to kick more ass is Chris Walken). The four leading candidates except for Ahnold Duckandcover (rightly berated by all) were in the house: Arianna, Peter Camejo, Cruz, and McClintock.

Michael Collins was running security, so I berated him for interviewing me for the last 8-Ball and then not running any of it. Michael's not a big guy, so he's doing what I used to do back when I was skinny, which is to make people think you're nuts. He's trying to convey the image of a reformed drinker who's pissed cuz he can't indulge any more. I believe he could go psycho, but no way in hell is he "reformed" -- I've seen you at parties, Michael! Other than me, Michael is the best-dressed guy in the house.

Back east, I got to hear NPR's Daniel Schorr tut-tutting about how California's a laughingstock. One more reason to hate NPR. The recall itself may indeed have begun as a Republican power grab, but I love the actual election. Candidates from more than just the big two parties -- fancy that! Non-career politicians! People from all walks of life in the running!

Newsflash, Danny Boy: this is what democracy is supoosed to look like. Schorr's comments, and those of many others back east, also exemplify the American voyeur/prude dichotomy, or to quote Wally George any time he had a stripper on the Hot Seat "OHHHH! That's despicable! Show us some more....That's sick! You're perverted! And what else can you do?"

Cruz opens by proposing that when the scripted debate with Arnie comes up, everyone walk outside to hold their own unscripted debate, leaving Arnie alone inside looking like a punk (my words, not his). I'd love to see that happen.

The audience, all journalists, clapped for almost everything Arianna and Camejo said. Reinforces a liberal media stereotype. So why is it so hard to find favorable coverage of Greens like Camejo in the "liberal media"? Probably goes back to that old saying about liberals being so fair minded that they won't even take their own side in a debate.

I tried to be objective and not clap -- seems out of place for a journalist to cheerlead at a politically charged event -- but I'm sorry, Camejo just rocks. Instant Runoff Voting! Fair tax rates! Publicly financed campaigns! (Bustamante expressed his support for the latter for the first time, which surprised everyone) Yes, I am a bit of a partisan Green. Camejo has the charisma Ralph Nader lacked. I admire Ralph and all, but he never seemed at ease with the whole campaigning thing. If Camejo doesn't win the governorship, he could run for prez in '04.

Camejo got big applause for saying that companies like Wal-Mart should be forced to pay fair wages and more worker's comp. I heard one loud "boo," and I think it was uttered with a familiar Australian accent, though I can't be sure...

And yeah, I know you guys all wanted me to endorse Larry Flynt, but I'm not gonna. VOTE CAMEJO.

Tom McClintock came off as a typical conservative Republican -- slash taxes, cut spending, don't make corporations do anything they don't want to, and keep homosexuality in the closet. I think he probably opposes homosexuality on religious grounds, but was afraid the crowd would eat him alive if he said that. He was a good sport to come and get beat up on by all the other candidates, and most of the crowd, though a small but vocal contingent gave him some loud applause as the debate progressed.

I actually agree with McClintock on one issue. He opposes giving illegal immigrants California drivers licenses, on the grounds that California already recognizes the validity of foreign licenses as granting the right to drive. Everyone else disagreed with him, but I think this is just an example of liberals automatically saying yes to almost everything illegals ask for. Look, I don't support Prop 187, and don't think anyone should be denied basic rights (health care being one in my book). But driving is not a right -- it's a privilege. I use public transportation -- let them, if they don't already have a foreign license.

I look at the right to drive and the right to bear arms as being somewhat equivalent (I know they're not both in the bill of rights, but I suspect if cars had been around in 1776 the right to drive might have been written in), yet you don't see the NRA stumping for the rights of illegals to bear arms, do you? Really, do you? I don't, but maybe I'm just unaware.

Cruz clearly got a read of the room very quickly as being liberal, so he played to the Left. He said the right, er, left things, but let's not forget this is a man willing to execute 13-year-olds. And Arianna nailed him good when he said we need a progressive president -- she correctly noted that he chairs a Lieberman-for-president campaign. Cruz's excuse: "Joe Lieberman is a friend of mine, and I'm not going to desert him when he's running for president." That didn't wash with the crowd, and doesn't with me either. I have several good friends who are conservatives, but if they ran for office, in most cases I'd have to say "Sorry, can't endorse ya." I'd endorse Jill Stewart, perhaps, but she's only conservative on certain issues and really liberal on others.

Arianna's very good at public performance, but it's hard to tell just how much is a performance. Lines like "Everyone makes mistakes -- I used to be a Republican!" get big laughs, but she came off as vague on specifics, usually saying something like "I wouldn't eliminate that bill, but I'd change it a bit." How? I like that because she's a woman, she can dress better than the blowdried, stuffed-shirt uniform that's mandatory for male politicians. She did make the great point also that Republicans somehow act as if "morality" is a word that only applies to sex, and not to fair treatment, compassion for the poor, or corporate responsibility, which are bigger issues.

After the show ended, I went back to the food table, but all the cheese was gone. Who moved my cheese? I ate some raw veggies instead, and picked out some Sun-Chips from the big mix bowl.

Diana says hi. I tell her it's great to see a debate with more than just two parties. She wishes the Schwarz would have come. I tell her I'd like to have seen Larry Flynt. She says that would make it a freak show. I didn't have time to discuss further, but I heartily disagree. Larry has a larger-than-life image, but so does Arnie, and Larry also has a track record as a successful publisher. The so-called freak candidates might have some good ideas if we'd only listen. They also might not, but how will we ever know? Mary Carey, for one, seems smarter than you'd imagine.

Jill says a quick hello, but is busy working. Matt Welch, whom I never saw enter, waves from across the room. Various people who should know me walk right by me several times. Must be the stupid black hair that makes me incognito, despite the big "LYT" on my chest. As I type this (for the second time -- thank you sooo much, blogger and hypermart!) I'm experimenting with orange streaks. Not as blatant as some previous concoctions, but it's stylin'.

Posted by LYT at 1:33 AM | Comments (0)

September 15, 2003

Survey time:

So I showed my Dad the Tattoo Connection DVD. No immediate comment, but he seemed to like it.

Then last night we were at the launderette. He had assumed it was 24 hours, but it ain't. We got there at 8:10, and closing time was 9. We figured wet clothes would have to do, but the guy running the place was nice enough to let us go 15 min. overtime.

We played the deer hunting video game. Neither one of us was any good, but I did slightly better.

Anyway, ABC was showing the Sandra Bullock flick Hope Floats, and it was introduced by two really annoying Aryans.

"When did they start doing this?" my Dad asks.

"I dunno, but I think they should stop" I respond. "They should have me and Gregory do it instead, don't you think?"

Here comes the sum total of his comments on my DVD work: "I think if you keep yelling 'Hooters!' every time a bare breast comes onscreen, you're not going to get very far."

"They don't allow bare breasts on TV" I shoot back. I didn't bring up Jerry Lawler on Raw with his "Puppies!" But I have to say that I can cite one occasion when I got to see real hooters in large part because a certain person had seen the DVD.

So now it's over to you. Is it good, bad, or neutral that I call out the hooters?

If you've watched any of the DVDs with my commentary, you've heard me do it at least once.

Rasslin'! Heeh heeh heeh!

I know that some readers are immediately going to skip this post because of the subject matter suggested in the header. I'd like to send a preemptive "fuck you" to them.

Just kidding, heeh heeh heeh. Yer fags.

Oops, now I guess I can't run for governor, can I? It's a joke, people. Click on this site's "Comix" section for enlightenment.

Anyhow, one thing I learned by going to a wrestling show in Asheville is that "fag" is no longer the epithet of choice for rednecks. It has been supplanted by "bitch."

It's been a while since I've been to a WWE house show (non-televised event). Wherever I go, I seem unable to catch the Smackdown roster. Raw has come to Staples twice this year; Smackdown, never. What's the big deal? Well, both have totally different rosters, and Smackdown boasts my main man Brock Lesnar.

Anyway, the Asheville show was the Raw roster. Because I was flying solo (as is the norm for me and rasslin'; every time I try to bring a friend, they just about always stand me up), I got a third row seat! This being Asheville, there are no metal detectors or super-anal security peeps in the house.

The one T-shirt that sold out was one for the bad-guy gang "Evolution," with the slogan "Paid, made, and laid" on the back. Vince McMahon is a genius: no-one else could possibly induce a bunch of Southern Baptists to wear a T-shirt saying "Evolution" on it. I'll buy one as soon as they kick Triple-H out of the gang -- he's boring and I'm sick of him.

Triple H versus Goldberg was advertised as the main event, but Goldberg was a no-show (note: every wrestling event I've ever been to in Asheville has had no-shows). Shame: I've never seen Goldberg wrestle live and was looking forward to it. Instead, we got a special North Carolina event: Triple-H's manager Ric Flair, an NC resident and state hero, turned good guy for one night to battle Triple-H for the world title. Flair's old running buddy Arn Anderson backed him up, and when Arn interfered to hit the spinebuster on Triple-H, it got the biggest pop of the night. Flair's best line: "Arn Anderson has stepped over bigger guys than Randy Orton to go to the restroom in Asheville."

As best I can remember it, here's the card:

Hurricane and Super Hero In Training (S.H.I.T.) Rosey beat Tommy Dreamer and Steven Richards (with Victoria). They seem to be testing a bad guy role for Dreamer, which I think is a mistake. He has a big following -- just push him harder. He insulted the crowd, blaming them for ECW's demise. But then, on the way out, he gave his T-shirt to a handicapped kid in a wheelchair. I'm not saying he shouldn't have done that, just that it shows being a bad guy doesn't come naturally to him. Rosey's new catchphrase is "I'm the S.H.I.T.!" Expect to see that on a T-shirt soon, and expect me to buy it.

Lance Storm beat Rico (with Miss Jackie)

More signs of the times. Rico is flaunting a gay gimmick, which at one time would have gotten him the most vehement hatred of anybody on the card. He got booed, but mostly laughed at. Playing homosexuality for laughs as opposed to hatred is an improvement, I think. Lance, whose new gimmick is that he's no longer boring, came down to the ring to the Raw TV show theme, presumably a placeholder for new music to be unveiled on TV sometime. No sightings of Lance's advisor Goldust. Coach was the ring announcer for the whole night, and did a good job, all told. Rico grabbed Coach's ass while Jackie was tempting him, which was funny.

Evolution interview, setting up the Flair versus Triple-H match.

Mark Henry and Rodney Mack beat Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak

Good to see Teddy Long back as an evil manager; I used to see him here all the time as manager of Ron Simmons (Farrooq) and Mark Callous (Undertaker) back in WCW. He really helped get the crowd into the match, because the good guys were useless. Mark Jindrak has some personality, but Garrison Cade is boring, and looks boring. The guy needs to a get a gimmick or get out.

Maven beat Test (w/Stacy Keibler)

I suspect Maven was subbing for Scott Steiner; I can't believe they'd let him win otherwise. He's in great shape, though. Test has sufficient acne marks on his back that I think he must be doing 'roids. He's come a long way -- quite effective at getting the crowds riled up. Mick Foley used to make fun of Test matches for being boring, but they aren't any more. After the match, Stacy started to give Maven a lap dance until Test dragged her away.

Molly Holly beat Trish Stratus

Trish may be the absolute most stereotypical looking made-up, plasticized bimbo, but I gotta admit it works. I'd do her in a second.

Christian pinned Val Venis in a three way IC-title match also involving Chris Jericho.

Jericho gets good heat -- my fears about him turning good seem unfounded. He and Christian actually brawled amongst the fans briefly. Val Venis seemed like a placeholder -- I guess the fans like him, but he hasn't been on TV much and doesn't merit a title shot.

The Dudley Boyz beat Rob Conway and Renee Dupree in a tables match.

Lots of "USA" chants. WWE has a new Kurt Angle shirt on shopzone that has a US flag and the phrase "You suck," which I would get, except that on the back it lists "America's enemies." In the picture, I can't read who they are. I'm fine with dissing Saddam, Osama, and Kim, but if they list "the French," for example, I will not wear it. Anyhow, after the match, Spike came out in a neck brace. He took a savage bump Monday that looked like an accident -- I wonder if it really was or not. The Dudleys brought a little kid from ringside in the ring with them afterwards.

Triple-H beat Ric Flair after hitting him with the title belt.

Rob Van Dam beat Kane in a steel cage match by going over the top of the cage. Kane gave an angry interview afterwards, and that ended the show.

Crowd was not very large -- arena was half-full at best. But wrestling truly is best enjoyed amongst rednecks.

Parking was a major bitch in Asheville, and the line to get out of teh garage was massive, so I decided to eat dinner while I waited. Sushi place called Akumi, where one of the sushi chefs was a wrestling fan, so we talked "shop" while he made me a dragon tail and a spider roll while downing two asahis. I know, I know, so much for my "no alcohol on vacation" bit. But I only had two, which proves I can be moderate.

Coming 'round the mountain when I come

Fear not, faint of heart, there will be nothing about orgasms written in this post.

Still in NC. Will return home tonight.

Man, when I lived here, we always used to complain about having nothing to do. Yet this weekend, I found no shortage of stuff.

Friday night was the Bubba Sparxxx/Petey Pablo show, at WCU's Ramsey center, where my prom and graduation were held, and where I saw C+C Music Factory back in high school. Petey Pablo gets to headline because he's a North Carolinian ("the Carolina Bird-dog"). Many cheap pops for mentioning NC. He's got a distinctive voice, but like a lot of rappers these days, also has about ten people on stage with him to back him up.

I liked Bubba Sparxxx better, maybe becxause he reminds me of my ex-roomie Greg. Both are fat white rappers from West Virginia, and have similar vocal styles. I think Bubba may be a better rapper, but, as good a showman as Bubba is, I think Greg may have more natural charisma. Greg can make you like him even if you're furious at him.

Bubba also integrates country music into his rap, like Kid Rock's newer stuff. It's not a bad fit, actually: listen to Hank Jr., and some of the content feels like gangsta rap, all about what you have to do if you want to be considered "down" by the performer, i.e. drink whiskey, go huntin', say your prayers, don't be pretentious.

Bubba has a guy on stage who he claims is his dad -- looks kinda young, but rednecks breed early. "Dad" sings back up and plays country style guitar while Bubba raps. It works.

I was sorry to see no merchandise stand -- I'll bet Bubba has some fun shirt designs. His motto, tattooed on his arms, is "New South," which basically seems to mean "I love the south, but not our tradition of racism."

Apart from the security guys, one of whom looks like Tom Green, and one mom taking her high school daughters, I seem to be both the oldest and the tallest person there.

Smoking is permitted, but the facility is huge and the crowd small, so it makes little matter. One thing that is a pain, though, is something that appears to be a new hip-hop trend (both Bubba and Petey encouraged it) -- removing your shirt and twirling it around like a helicopter. Makes a nice fan effect, but tall folks like me get repeatedly smacked in the face.

People complimented my outfit -- that's no surprise to most of you, perhaps, except maybe when I tell you that, except for my shoes, everything I was wearing had been purchased in Western North Carolina. Deer-camo pants and that Jack Daniels shirt, I knew I could make them cool.

Bubba's new album comes out tomorrow. I might just buy it.

Posted by LYT at 1:31 AM | Comments (0)

September 12, 2003

Fade to Black

It's the end of an era. Johnny Cash has left us.

I have to admit I was a latecomer on the bandwagon. Back when my grandmother used to try to impress me by mentioning his name, I asked her who he was, and she was amused, I think. In return, she'd proudly exclaim, any time I would talk to someone in her presence about Smashing Pumpkins or the like, "You all might as well be talkin' Chinese or Japanese!"

When I heard U2 were going to do a song with Cash on their Zooropa album, I thought, "Oh no, they're getting some country singer -- this is gonna suck." Like many before and since, I made the mistake of applying a label to Cash that never quite fit. So when I actually did hear the song, "The Wanderer," I was amazed. That voice, that presence, wow. When he made his American Recordings debut, I got the album immediately. Sometime in college, Junior year I think, I got to see him live. Pricey as all hell, but worth it.

The greatest compliment I could likely pay to Johnny that he probably would have appreciated more than any other is that when I listen to his music, he makes Christianity cool. Not like any of these calculating, proselytizing bands in the DC Talk mode. Cash simply preaches from the heart, while at the same time refusing to shy away from his other tales of murder and dark deeds. The sum total is that if Jesus can forgive and hang with this Man in Black, he has to be a cool guy.

My post yesterday about anger management applies in some way to religion as well. My grandfather's a minister, and I remember being somewhat surprised when, in one sermon, he said it was important to express anger with God. Many fundamentalists would call that blasphemy, yet if God is omniscient, wouldn't he know that you're mad, and isn't it better not to try to conceal the truth from one who will discern it anyhow? God's supposed to forgive if you want it badly enough, and that's a guarantee you won't get from most anyone else. Johnny knew this, I think.

And if he was right, he's probably doing pretty well for himself right about now. Reuniting with his wife oughta do it. Even all these years along, it was clear that they were still very much in love. We all should be so fortunate.

I don't really have much to say about John Ritter, but I'm sure some of you do, and that's why there's a message board.

Posted by LYT at 1:29 AM | Comments (0)

September 11, 2003

Miscue: 911

Right then. Moment of silence for the dead, on both sides of the Atlantic starting two years ago.

It occurs to me that treating terrorism as war is stupid. It should be treated as crime. The reason that not everyone in the civilized world supports Israel (primarily) is that (a) they likely have WMDs, in violation of UN resolutions, and (b) they react to terrorists not with the equivalent of an FBI manhunt, but with retaliatory killings and stray missiles. Maintaining that there's no difference between terrorists and those who support them is also stupid -- accomplice to murder is not the same thing as first-degree murder.

War on the Taliban was fine by me. But we need to frickin' charge the captured Al Qaeda suspects with something. We theoretically stand for truth and justice, and need to act like it. Two years ago, I felt a brief spark of joy that we had John Ashcroft on our side, thinking "He's an asshole, but he's OUR asshole, and now we unleash him on them!" Too bad he only seems to be interested in being a dick to us.

back to more positive things....

Mountain Dew seems to be trying to make another go of a caffeine-free variant. I can't imagine it'll succeed. It didn't last time they tried, about ten years ago. Mello Yello, inarguably the greatest soft drink on earth, tried a diet variant about the same time, which also failed. They should bring that back, though, for the Atkins era. I know Matt would approve.

Instead, they're chasing Mountain Dew by adding two new flavors: orange and cherry-citrus (a la Mt. Dew Livewire and Mt. Dew Code Red). Neither one is actually "yello." I've only seen them at one gas station so far.

Bubba Sparxx is coming to the small town of Sylva tomorrow, and WWE is in Asheville Sunday. My vacation is clearly rockin'.

Did a shopping trip to Asheville yesterday. Toys R Us was tremendously frustrating -- I could tell they had just gotten new cases of WWE and Masters of the Universe, but the only figures I wanted from those cases (Evil-Lyn and Goldberg) were already gone.

The Biltmore Square Mall goes through annual cycles -- seems to be in a "crap" one right now. Lunch was at Long John Silvers, the fast food chain that actually serves fried cholesterol bits on every plate alongside your food. More redneck heart attacks have likely been caused by Long John's than anywhere else. I can't even finish a meal there anymore.

At K-Mart, I found a new Boba Fett figure, and bought a pair of deer-camo pants -- I will make these the next big thing in L.A., just you watch.

The Asheville mall has come a long way -- it used to be the crappy one, but has revived in recent years. The Suncoast had almost all the new Lord of the Rings toys, but I have no interest in any of them, really. I like the crossbow Uruk-hai, but past experience with this line tells me he'll be a pegwarmer. Hot Topic had Spawn and Matrix toys for half price, so I picked up Kin, which is basically a Todd McFarlane interpretation of the "squeal like a pig" scene from Deliverance, I kid you not.

Spencer gifts had a somewhat-dressy Jack Daniels shirt on sale for $30, and along with that I bought a barbed-wire design belt. This qualified me for a coupon for $25 off my next $75 purchase. Two possibilities there. They have the 18" Hellraiser figure for $50, and the Metallica action figure box set, a ripoff at $70 plus tax, but a fair deal at $50 with the coupon.

Grooved on over to the Beaucatcher theater, Asheville's best, which probably ingrained the whole front row thing in me way back when. Its front rows are a good 20 feet from the screen at least. Saw The Order (flawed, but not bad) and Freaky Friday (very entertaining. For real).

The Asheville Brewhouse, a restaurant/movie theater combo, was supposed to be showing Creature From the Black Lagoon in 3-D, so that was my next scheduled stop. Finding the place sucked, though. You forget, when used to a reasonably gridded system like L.A., that mountain cities have to work around the topography, and aren't necessarily structured in logical fashion. Make one wrong turn, and you may find yourself in the middle of dark nowhere, with no lights or signs to guide. I finally got on the freeway...in the wrong direction. About a half hour later, I found the place, only to find that the listings were wrong, and Creature was only showing at 4 and 7, NOT 10. There was a free kung-fu movie showing in the gameroom, but there was also lots of smoking. I knew if I stayed I'd want lots of beer, and I've been keeping this vacation alcohol-free since Monday (I drink enough when I work, dammit!). Plus I had an hour drive ahed of me through mountain roads. No thanks. So I left, and it being 10 p.m., almost everything was CLOSED.

A samll ice cream place called The Hop was not quite closed, so I got a sundae, and damn, their home-made ice cream is really good. Anyone in WNC needs to check this place out. Very nice people, they could see I was stressed out and didn't make any effort to push me out even though they probably all wanted to go home.

The manager of Hot Topic had given me props for my Metallica shirt, but said she didn't like St. Anger. How could she not? I told her I have issues with alcohol and anger management, so I could probably relate.

And on that subject (another tangent coming, yes it is), I find it interesting that, as coarse and vulgar as our culture is (not that I'm complaining), people have real trouble expressing anger, except maybe in the form of emails (I do not exclude myself here). Twice this year, I've gotten quite mad at friends, and without calling them mean names or anything, made my anger clear. Each time, they responded as if I'd ended the friendship, and seemed surprised to find that that was not my intention.

In general, all of you who know me, there may be times when I need you to know how I feel. It may possibly be unpleasant at the time. However, I've had friendships in the past where every minor irritation was left unacknowledged, and before we realized it we simply couldn't be around each other, yet couldn't talk about why. I recently saw two good friends I hadn't seen for five years -- we had drifted apart over unacknowledged and only-partially acknowledged things, and now that stuff all seems so irrelevant. Time does heal all wounds, but you have to admit the wounds exist first.

I may be wrong. You may be wrong. Chances are both eventualities will ensue if we know each other long enough. Communication is the key, I think.

Posted by LYT at 1:28 AM | Comments (0)

September 9, 2003

Mountain Madness

SW Virginia was a good time. My favorite restaurant in the world (Cuz's) now serves just about my favorite food in the world (seared rare tuna). Short of getting it from a sushi chef who specializes in sushi, this is pretty good stuff.

Random related question: Does anyone actually really like wasabi? It seems like we just put it on our sushi because it's there, then go, "Ow, goddamn, that kinda hurts." We keep dipping in it because it seems like the thing to do, but it doesn't add a lot of flavor, just a little pain. I keep doing it like anybody, though.

Sunday was spent drinking beers by the pool at Cuz's, with Mike grilling burgers, and Noodle the dog getting wet. Noodle's getting on in years now -- I remember when she was utterly uncontrollable and undisciplined, and now she's slow and has more of an aura of sadness to her. I can't really touch her due to my allergies, but I did feed her a little bit.

Here in Western North Carolina, I looked the town of Sylva over, checking in on the Boyds and my old prom date Megan Moore, currently working in the local bookstore and married to a man who makes replica anime props. I don't have the URL of their site to hand here in the library as I type this, but we'll get back to it, never fear.

Good dinner with my old friend Nan at a place called Soho, with a waitress who looked like WWE's Stacy Keibler. Amazing how many gorgeous women are around here, actually -- there were never this many when I lived hereabouts.

At the University Center I ran into my old English teacher David "Big Dave" Fox, now retired from academics and working as a janitor, where he feels he does more good for the world. We discussed Westerns and film vs. literary criticism, and then I went upstairs, to find Monday Night Raw had started on TV. My dad has no TV signal, cable or otherwise, so I stuck around, and David, who hadn't been into wrestling for many years, checked it out with me and his janitorial associate who's name I never caught. Downed a Mello Yello while watching Stone Cold chugged beers. That's the life.

Things are slower here. For the week that I'm in the area, that'll be useful.

Posted by LYT at 1:25 AM | Comments (0)

September 5, 2003

Freaky Friday

OK, NOW the tech glitches should be fixed. Hypermart finally corrected their server switch, and it looks like updates are happening again.

Meanwhile, I'm writing this from Southwest Virginia, where I've arrived after a whole muthaload of travelling.

First, L.A. to San Diego. Cheaper somehow. But the catch is that in SD, you land in the bumfuck terminal, have to pick up suitcase even though it was checked all the way through to Asheville, and take a bus to the REAL terminal, where you check your bag again, get it X-rayed again, and get the thorough security treatment again, through a maze of tape and stansions that they expect you to automatically know how to navigate. And now they insist on X-raying shoes too. Their penalty for that is my foot odor, tee hee. Took a Benadryl to make me relax; tension with a longtime friend was giving me indigestion.

In San Diego, I had a Thai chicken pizza and a double margarita. This ensured that I slept the entire next stretch of the journey. But once in Atlanta, a two-hour wait lay ahead. At 5:30 a.m. So I got some Powerade from a vending machine, did push-ups and crunches on the floor, and read the Joe Conason book "Big Lies." Mostly good, except he picks on Republicans who are alcoholics by calling them drunks and mocking them for it. That's fair if they're drunk on the job, but he presents no evidence for that. He also misses the chance for a really cogent analysis of why Republicans can paint themselves as friends of the working man even though Democratic policies better serve the lower classes: Uh, it's the religion, stupid. Democrats are (rightly, in my view) more into separation of church and state (Lieberman excepted, but then, he's not exactly a representative Democrat), whereas many working folks are Christians and want Christian politicians. Joe doesn't make that point, and he should. But otherwise, a fine book -- easy to read and scores some good calls.

About an hourlong flight to Asheville after that. My dad meets me on time, and we do breakfast at Waffle House, where I overhear a local complaining about some kid having a nose ring and black lipstick. A brief stopoff at Toys R Us (scored the Nick Nolte action figure from the Hulk movie, woohah!) and we're off on a three-hour drive to Virginia. I manage a couple quick naps of a few minutes each. My dad's stories are mostly ones I haven't heard before, which is cool. I awaken from the second nap to find myself at the best goddamn restaurant in the world -- CUZ'S UPTOWN BBQ. The proprietor happens to be my uncle Mike, but it's not like I'm biased or anything. Many of my relatives suspect that the onloy reason I ever come back east is for Cuz food.

Cuz's has been redesigned since a fire gutted much of it a couple years back, and one of the new wall decorations is made almost entirely of my old collection of Hasbro WWF action figures. It's a thing of beauty. Mike, whose manner of speaking somewhat resembles that of Stone Cold Steve Austin (I believe they also share the "F*ck Fear, Drink Beer" philosophy), chides me for wearing a sleeveless shirt and my dad for wearing a cap -- both violations of the dress code. He gives us lunch nonetheless, then shows us his badass new car, which looks like a contender for the next Fast & Furious movie.

I'm currently in a fully-sleeved shirt, ready to return for the evening meal. My laundry tosses around in a machine in the background -- because I literally worked up until about half an hour before I had to leave yesterday, I didn't have time to check for clean clothes, or even matching socks, so I brought some dirty laundry and just have to hope. My cousin Arthur has the greatest computer chair -- it's a coverted NASCAR seat that form fits to your body, making fidgeting impossible.

Blogging may or may not be sporadic.

Posted by LYT at 1:24 AM | Comments (0)

September 4, 2003

Interview with PAUL HOUGH, director of the new backyard wrestling documentary film THE BACKYARD

I first heard of Paul Hough through Beyond the Mat director Barry Blaustein, who told me I really needed to see this new documentary The Backyard. At Barry’s suggestion, Paul sent me the tape, which after many emails from Paul, I finally watched and was blown away. No wrestling fan, or fan of extreme pop culture in general, should miss this. I gave him a positive quote before he had any distribution, and now, having done the festival circuit, The Backyard is set to open nationwide, and come out on DVD shortly thereafter. Paul and I have since become friends, but I loved the movie before I ever met the man.

This interview was conducted via email. One or two errors have been fixed, but otherwise this is as originally written.

LYT: When I watch The Backyard, some dude with an American accent pretending to be you is narrating. Yet in person, you’re very much a Brit who sounds nothing like that guy. I think the question on all our minds is: What tha dilly, yo?

PH: Two reasons. I didn't want the movie to be about a brit looking around the backyards of America because I think that would appeal less to American audiences. Originally however I did try and voice it - but I can't pronounce my Th's - and there's a lot of THREE STAGES OF HELL in the movie which came out sounding like FREE stages of Hell.

For those who haven't yet seen the film, how about explaining the Three Stages of Hell concept. Also, how exactly does one find out about that sort of thing?

I received an email over the internet to go see it. It took place in the middle of the Nevada Desert, inside a ring made of barbed wire. Two brothers were battling it out and came up with the idea. The first stage, they would beat each other into submission. The second stage, they would bury the loser alive. The third stage...they dug a grave and put a plank of wood on top of it. Then on top of that they put coils of barbed wire and then a ton of lighter fluid - and set the whole thing on fire. This was THE PIT OF HELL into which the loser of the third stage would be thrown...

Back to the accent issue: Won't the jig be up when audiences hear your DVD commentary track?

Yes - and in it I give the explanation that I gave to you.

So how does one get these email invites to such spectacles? Did you advertise, or is this just some secret Clive Barker-esque subculture that one has to know where to look for?

I went onto yahoo and typed in "backyard wrestling" and found thousands of federations across the USA with names like Suicide Wrestling, Fucking Extreme Wrestling and White Trash Wrestling. It was these names that actually hooked me -- and so I emailed about a hundred of them just wanting more info. About a week later I got an invite to come see this 3 STAGES OF HELL match up near Reno so grabbed some friends and some cameras and we had a 9hr road trip not knowing what we'd find.

Was this before or after you'd decided to make a movie?

Before. I took cameras along just in case. Was mainly going there just to check it out - since I had no idea what backyard wrestling was until then. It was an amazing spectacle. They used lightbulbs, barbed wire - and they were interesting characters. But it wasn't until I was in the Emergency Room and when I heard their mom was gonna turn up...that I got hooked. I was expecting her to start yelling and screaming at her kids...but she didn't. She was more concerned as to whether or not they'd had a good match. It was at this point I knew we had the makings of a cool movie.

Some folks on wrestling websites -- many of whom don't seem to have seen the movie yet -- have been talking smack on The Backyard because it allegedly "glorifies" backyard wrestlers. Do you think that's true, and if so, is it necessarily a bad thing?

I think glorifying backyard wrestling is a bad thing. There's no doubt that if someone wants to go pro they should go to wrestling school. Really - in my mind there's no good excuse not to go if it’s really your dream.

I have a lot of friends in the wrestling industry who've seen the movie and liked it - including RVD [Rob Van Dam]. You'd hope that people would watch the movie first before commenting on it right?

You would indeed, but that's not where the discourse in this country seems to be going. Your film does make it clear that there's a difference between, say, the guys who like to smash lightbulb tubes on themselves for fun versus those who actually practice a carefully choreographed match, and I think you're the first person, at least in the major public eye, to make that distinction.

eh...nothing to add

Do you know if [WWE owner] Vince McMahon has seen the movie? He tried to kill Beyond the Mat because he didn't get a cut of the profits, and you have RVD in your movie...are you, for instance, barred from using RVD to promote the film?

Yes - I can't use RVD to promote the film. I don't know if Vince has seen it - but I assume he's heard about it.

There was an incident recently in which [Backyard star] The Lizard tried to get RVD to sign some Backyard merchandise. Tell us about that.

Well RVD was in Modesto recently signing autographs at a comic store. The Lizard lined up to get an autograph and pulled out a mock cover of The Backyard VHS tape to see if RVD would sign it. Security told him there was no way in Hell Rob Van Dam would sign it - or even be in such a film -- and they kicked him out of the line. So Lizard went home - put on a hat (disguise) and came back and joined the line. He got to RVD, took off the hat and handed him the video cover. Security again leapt at him but RVD, being the really cool guy he is, told them to back off. He recognized The Lizard and was more than happy to sign it for him.

The Lizard's clearly the most memorable character in the film, and after seeing him work the room at the Silver Lake Film Fest, it feels like he's learned his craft even more since filming ended. How did you come to choose him as the focus, and what do you think his chances at stardom are?

I came across him by accident in Modesto. Initially he kinda scared me - because of his look - but as I got to know him his heart and dedication blew me away. Also he has this great non-traditional charisma which really endears people to him, which all great wrestlers and personalities need. I truly hope someone gives him a break...

Speaking of breaks, how did you get yours? Tell us a bit about your film-making background.

I'm hoping this movie will be my break. I started making films when I was really young - on 8mm when I was eight. Every week I'd go to a park with my dad who played football - and instead of just watching, me and my friends would go off and make mini-horror films. It was always the same topic...friends would turn up at the location and get killed off one by one. I then got really lucky when I was 16 and sold a script to an English producer which enabled me to go to NYU Film School. That's where I made a student film called END OF THE LINE - which got a lot of attention. There's a movie that just came out which is really similar called PHONE BOOTH - which kinda sucked because now when I show it to anyone they think I ripped off PHONE BOOTH - but mine was made before the Fox Movie was written. I've done a few tv things ranging from a small wrestling show to a gameshow - but really wanna get into making action/thriller/horror films.

Have you ever wanted to get involved in the wrestling business, as a behind-the-scenes kinda guy or maybe even a manager? How long have you been a fan?

I've been a fan since right before Wrestlemania 6 - and was a major fan of The Ultimate Warrior. I'd love to get in the wrestling business because it has all the potential elements of a great movie: great characters, storyline and action.

Does that mean you’d want to be on the creative team, then, sort of a Vince Russo type? [Ed’s note: Russo was head writer for WWE during its most successful period in the late ‘90s that made The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin household names -– he now works for upstart promotion NWA:TNA]

Hell yeah

How does wrestling in the UK compare to here? We get a taste of that in the film, but if, say Big Daddy had wrestled Dusty Rhodes in the early ‘80s, could they have had a good match?

Honestly I've lived out here too long now to know that much about wrestling in the UK - but I always remember liking Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks. They were the two giants of wrestling in England (which was aired on Saturdays), kinda the equivalent of Hulk vs. The Warrior.

OK, on a different topic – you’re a wrestling fan, and yet you seem to have no problem with the ladies. This to me does not compute. Please explain how it’s possible, that I may follow your example.

That's funny - I never had any luck with women! I was always - and still am - a complete film nerd. I don't generally tell people I'm a wrestling fan because there's a stigma attached...although here in Hollywood I've met a lot of closet fans! But I do have a lot of female friends if you want me to set you up with any...

We'll work on that. But shame on those fans who feel the need to stay in the closet. I thank you for your time on this interview, and now offer you the final space to plug the hell out of your movie, its website, when it opens, whatever.

The website is www.thebackyardfilm.com. The movie opens in Hollywood Sept 5th and then in about 10 other cities over the next two months. Unfortunately there is absolutely NO advertising budget - so it’s all word of mouth - so I just ask anyone to spread the word to wrestling fans because if fans turn up to see this - theaters may be more willing to put out other wrestling films (and I know of a few trying to get out there). Also, there's nothing like seeing wrestling violence in a crowded theater with fellow fans!!!

Incestuous link of the day

I offered Jeffrey Wells some feedback on one of his recent columns, and he prints my letter in THIS ONE. Shame on me for all the typos in the movie titles -- it was late at night when I wrote the thing.

Posted by LYT at 1:01 AM | Comments (2)

September 2, 2003

Whiskey bent and hellbound

Today I finally bought a T-shirt I've been wanting for a while -- the Jack Daniels logo shirt. Cost a pretty penny, too: at a store on Melrose, it was $22 plus tax, which isn't much less than WWE shirts bought at the event.

Made me think, though. I've generally found the promotion of personal drug use to be obnoxious -- think of any rap song that promotes weed, or 40s. Yet I'm doing it with this shirt. Though most songs about hard liquor -- think Family Tradition by Hank Jr., or Metallica's entire St. Anger album -- are ambivalent, embracing the pros of alcohol while fearing the cons.

The Indians introduced us to smoking. In return, we gave them drinking. Who got the better deal? (VOTE by clicking HERE)

I worte a review of the Sandra Bullock rehab movie 28 Days (nothing to do with Danny Boyle's 28 Days Later) a couple years back. I commented on the irony of reformed drunks turning to chain-smoking. One reader sent me a very eloquent letter about his own battles with alcoholism, and how he knew that being a chain-smoker would likely kill him, but being a drunk had very nearly caused him to kill others. I guess in that context, smoking is better. Drinking has never made me go nuts, but I'm not a real addictive personality type. About a week ago, I did get suddenly mad after drinking a lot, without much explanation. Guess it's time to cut back.

I've generally considered smoking more offensive, because it's just about the only drug with direct secondhand effects. It also seems like a wuss drug, because most any narcotic worth a damn would impair you to the point of precluding driving, yet there are no laws against smoking in the car. Also, let's face it, rolling dried leaves in paper and setting them on fire seems nuts, whereas downing cold drinks comes natural.

Am I being obnoxious?

Another, most important birthday shout-out

To Reuben James Thompson, my absolute favorite person in the whole world, who turns 5 today. Just spoke to him on the phone -- it's also his first day of real, non-kindergarten school today. He's anxious to learn how to read so that he can beat his cousin Evan at the Yu-Gi-Oh! card game. So much for toys being bad for kids.

Since he can't read, there's no sense posting birthday wishes. I hope you all get to meet him some day.

Posted by LYT at 12:57 AM | Comments (0)

September 1, 2003

Happy Labor Day!

I hope those of you who work the thankless hours get some well-deserved rest -- of course you probably won't, since I know from experience that minimum-wage workers are needed the most on holidays.

People often ask me who my heroes are. In the world of entertainment, there are plenty of people whose careers I admire, and in politics there are some honorable folks fighting for principle whom I endlessly respect.

But heroes? There's nothing heroic about seeking fame and fortune the way I am. It's what I am, and it's what I do. But what's truly heroic is working a back-breaking job day in and day out because it's necessary for society. Sewer worker, say. Or coal miner (a job that virtually guarantees crippling repiratory illness in your later years). Manual laborer. Janitor. Farmer. These are people we can't live without, but they'll never be put on pedestals. Special-Ed teachers, like my friends Dave Roche and Bryan Thornton. Hell, any public school teachers. People who do what they do knowing full well that the greatest glory they're likely to earn from it is the satisfaction of a job well done.

Those are my heroes. And as an entertainer, I hope someday that I can brighten their lives a bit.

Posted by LYT at 12:55 AM | Comments (0)