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December 31, 2003
LYT'S best movies of 2003, part 3
I tend to think I see most of what comes out in any given year, but reading some other critics' lists puts me to shame. It also reminds me of some other films I thought were quite good, but for one reason or another did not make my list. Among these: Chi-wah-seon (painted fire), Friday Night, All the Real Girls, The Rundown, Matchstick Men, and The Magdalene Sisters.
In my next entry, I'll deal with the duds of the year. But this final ten should be short, since I've already said my piece on many of them anyhow:
10. Big Fish. And Tim Burton redeems himself. I admit it -- I totally lost faith after Planet of the Apes. The trailer for Big Fish looked terrible, playing up the more traditional love story angle and Ewan McGregor's fake Southern accent. But Tim Burton's tragic toys gave me hope, and Big Fish itself got back to delivering that old "Tim Burton feeling," with a much better use of existing songs (Buddy Holly's "Everyday" in particular) than Burton had ever demonstrated prior. Ewan's accent overall wasn't that bad, and Albert Finney's was great, as was everything else about his performance (Steve Buscemi, however, should not play Southern again, though he needs to work with Burton more often). Alison Lohman's resemblance to Jessica Lange within this film still blows my mind.
"Contemporary fantasy" is a term I use most often to describe the kind of stuff I like to write, and it isn't done very often. Big Fish is a call to film-makers, like all story-tellers, to feel unconstrained by the rules of reality in the service of a good tale.
9. Peter Pan. Universal's tight-fisted screening policy bit them in the ass on this one. Had they shown it to critics sooner, it might have made more lists -- I certainly didn't see it in time to add it to my New Times pieces. Anyway, with everyone else raving about that other English fantasy adaptation, P.J. Hogan's loving recreation of Never-Neverland got unfairly passed over, and rather prudishly chastised for having the gall to depict 12-13 year olds in love. Look, it's not like Wendy wants to give Peter a rim-job or anything -- IT'S JUST A KISS! Now, I'm unique in that I didn't get my first kiss till I was about 26 (after technically losing my virginity the year prior; and yes, that is true; watch The Magdalene Sisters, remember wher I grew up, and you might understand), but I had my first fantasies about the opposite sex at age 12, and Peter Pan is all about the transformation of childish fantasies into more grown-up ones. Criticism of the effects is equally beside the point -- the film looks like a storybook by design (as opposed to "reality"). Minor quibbles: Wendy's a bit too wide-eyed all the time for my liking, and her brothers get next-to-no character development. But Jason Isaacs, as Hook and Mr. Darling, is Oscar-worthy, giving Johnny Depp a run for his money as the year's most entertaining pirate. I never liked the Disney Pan, even as a kid -- too much of an arrogant brat. Jeremy Sumpter is unusually American, but he works.
8. The Backyard. As this list goes on, I imagine I may get accused of favoritism to my friends in the industry, or even people I just briefly met (please note, before thinking such a thing, that Blue Car is emphatically NOT on my list, mostly for script reasons). Also note that I saw The Backyard and gave the film-maker a favorable quote before I had ever met him. That we would become friends is perhaps inevitable given our common interests, and those interests are reflected in this documentary on backyard wrestling. Over the last few years, I have actually met more than one person interested in filming the subject, and had a chance to watch some of the "sport" myself, so the idea was clearly one that was due, and Paul Hough grabbed the opportunity first. Fans of wrestling, violence, juvenile delinquency or even just general "apocalypse culture" need to see this film -- it's more comprehensive than any other document on the phenomenon. Exploitative? No more so than the kids themselves already are.
7. Lost in Translation. It seems to me that those who love this movie identify strongly with one or other of the leads; those who dislike the movie do not, but those who love it are so personally invested that they react with fury to any criticism of it. Me, I can see myself being Bill Murray in 20 years. I've been in situations where I found myself in some unknown part of town at a late hour with no-one I knew, and Sofia Coppola nailed it.
6. Northfork. I very seldom agree on movies with my New Times colleague Robert Wilonsky -- as we live in different time zones, I could make the claim that we can't even agree on the time of day -- but he nailed it in his review of Northfork when he compared it to a Neil Gaiman comic book. Many will find this film pretentious, as it meanders between dream and reality, telling of a Depression-era town that's about to be flooded, and a flock of angels looking for their missing member, but I was hooked by it. Dreamlike is the Polish Brothers' style -- sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't (their last film, Jackpot, absolutely did not work for me). James Woods used the interview circuit for Northfork to plug his views on George Bush (pro) rather than promote the film, but that shoudln't take away from his understated performance -- actually, given the pace and tone, every single performance in the film is understated, including Nick Nolte's wonderfully caring priest. And if you sat through the Cremaster Cycle, there's no way Northfork is pretentious by comparison!
5. Finding Nemo. The one movie this year I felt comfortable recommending to anybody and everybody. There's something primal about the deep ocean, and combined with the visual wit of Pixar and the sense of comic timing some people forgot Ellen DeGeneres had...pure gold. Eschewing the mawkishness of Monsters Inc and the predictability of A Bug's Life (gotta love the way Nemo starts super-cutesy, only to turn around and hit you with MASS INFANTICIDE), Pixar found a way to suck in cynics like me again, in a flick that rivals even the Toy Story films. I can't believe I could like a movie with Albert Brooks in it this much. Kudos also for ditching the tired "fake outtakes" gag.
4. May. Favoritism to friends? Possibly. But consider: I hadn't seen the director in maybe a year when I got to watch this, at his place, with running jokey commentary from folks who had seen it many times already, yet the ending still floored me emotionally -- I thought I knew where it was going, and it zigged at the last minute. You're obligated to watch a friend's film once out of courtesy -- I went on to watch it 3 more times. I've only come to know Angela in real life since my first two viewings of the film, and it makes me appreciate her performance even more, because to my perception she isn't like May at all. Anyway, in case you just got to this site and haven't been following, May's a scabrous dark satire of the L.A. dating scene that ends in blood, tears, bloody tears, and a gouged-out eyeball. Bonus: Listen to the DVD commentary tracks, and hear my college friends acting exactly the way they did in college. No lie.
3. Buffalo Soldiers. Did you like Fight Club? Same sensibility, different story. Click on the official New Times Overlooked Films list (link four posts down) for more on this. It's coming out on DVD this month.
2. Spun. If you've ever been to a house full of drug addicts, Spun will feel uncannily familiar. A wild, mixed-media drug tale (that neither endorses nor condemns, a tough line to walk) which incorporates animation and varying film styles, it's the first flick to make me believe that Mickey Rourke and John Leguizamo can be absolutely brilliant if they want to be. It's a little too obvious that Brittany Murphy won't show tit, despite playing a stripper (actresses: please don't tease us like that), but that doesn't kill the effect. Spun is a truly wild ride, and like nothing else I saw this year.
1. The Matrix Reloaded. I've already said all I have to say on this subject. I think you guys have too.
Y'all is fags! Heeh heeh heeh!
A North Carolina take on cinematic Southern accents.
What, a man?
I was going to say something about Time magazine's Man, er, Person of the Year. But Tony Pierce said it better and more abrasively than even I could.
Addendum: I did hear the aptly named right-wing radio host Joe Crummy go off on this issue. He actually called Time "racist against George Bush." Didn't know Time Warner was run by black people.
Posted by LYT at 1:14 AM | Comments (0)
December 30, 2003
My New Year's Resolutions:
1. Tidy up my fucking apartment.
2. Get back to the gym I've been neglecting
3. Drink less alcohol
4. Make a movie (more on this later)
The official New Times end-of-year stuff
For my year-in-cinema column, featuring opinions from Angela Bettis, Vadim Perelman, Rob Zombie and others, CLICK HERE
For the New Times film critics' collaborative Top 12, CLICK HERE
For the New Times film critics' "Overlooked films" list, CLICK HERE (ignore the "Jason Bracelin" byline; whoever he is, he didn't write any of the content)
Shut up, Beavis! Don't make me kick your ass!
Plastic action figures usually emerge from flooded apartments in OK form. Unless, that is, they have electronic components. Darth Vader still talks, but his saber doesn't light up, and he can't swing it any more.
But strangest of all is the case of my M.A.C. Beavis action figure. His talking base doesn't work at the touch of a button any more, but it does activate at random, throughout the day. I never know when I'm gonna hear, out of the blue, "This rules!" or "Shutup fartknocker!"
Reminds me a bit of life with my old room-mate Colin!
Posted by LYT at 1:13 AM | Comments (0)
December 29, 2003
LYT's best movies of 2003, part one
As the year in cinema progresses, I keep a running tab from the start of the year of every movie I see that's worthy of best-of-year consideration. At year's end, I have traditionally narrowed it down to fit the standard top ten mold, but this year, New Times will not be running individual lists. So, I figure, why narrow down the list?
In 2003, I saw 30 films that, at the time, seemed like they could be among the year's best come December. This is not a comprehensive list of every film I liked this year, but it does cover all of those that fully satisfied me. You won't see Bad Santa on this list, for instance, because the tacked-on happy ending and the unnecessary grossness of the kid's snot and urine stains made it less than totally satisfying for me, even though moments of the film were as great as anything onscreen in 2003. Which is not to suggest that the films selected don't have any flaws, just none significant enough to mar the overall joys.
30. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. I was hard on this film when it came out. Initally, I carped that it was overlong, and that the sea battles didn't excite (Master and Commander's Peter Weir totally schooled Gore Verbinski later in the year). But I had the chance to watch it again on DVD over the holidays, and found it totally charming. The big sea battle still didn't excite me, but the initial duel between Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom certainly did. Depp, as you know, gave possibly the most entertaining performance of the year, regardless of its "realism." And the ghost elements were handled well enough to give youngsters a bit of a fright while being restrained enough to be suitable for family viewing. I'm still hoping the sequel focuses on the adventures of ghost monkey (this is a reference you may miss if you didn't stick around for the post-credits final scene).
29. Everybody Says I'm Fine. It has to be difficult to market a movie about a psychic Indian hairdresser, and thus I imagine few of you even heard of this movie. The danger of whimsy overload is omnipresent, but this comedy-drama sneaks up on you. To quote my own review earlier this year: "Sounds like awfully light stuff, but first-time director Rahul Bose is actually engaging in some amazing sleight of hand, and when all the seemingly unrelated strands finally do come together, they do so with a suckerpunch that leaves you reeling. This is no mere Bombay Barbershop -- director Bose gives you only as much information as you need, and even the most annoying, over-the-top character is ultimately deconstructed."
28. Dark Blue. It plays a whole lot like Training Day and L.A. Confidential, which is no surprise, as it comes from some of the same people. But hey, if you liked those films, it doesn't mean you have to dislike this one -- it's all good, or rather, all bad, as Ron Shelton looks at the LAPD during the Rodney King riots, with Kurt Russell back in antihero mode, which was always his strong suit. Dark Blue is not a classic by any means, but it's a solid entertainer about corrupt cops, when you're in the mood for that.
27. 28 Days Later. Shoulda been number 28, but anyway. I first saw this Danny Boyle zombie flick on an airplane, in a seatback TV screen, and I liked it, but felt the ending wasn't grim enough. Saw it again on the big screen, and liked it a lot better. Boyle was in a slump for a while, but it seems that digital video has revitalized his creativity. Cillian Murphy is already reaping the benfits of his star turn, but it's the smokin' Naomie Harris I want to see more of. Oh, and they added an alternate grim ending just for people like me. That's knowing your fanbase.
26. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. For the first time in an LOTR movie, I felt that (a) I was actually in another world, as opposed to some field in New Zealand with big props in the background; and (b) I was in a Peter Jackson film, as opposed to the work of some by-the-numbers studio guy. Jackson busts out all the monsters and zombies he can muster, and Gollum actually looks real this time around. I do have a few nits to pick, though. First, Liv Tyler as Arwen -- can we all agree Aragorn would be better off with Eowyn? Tyler's a weak actor to begin with, but her case isn't helped by the fact that her every appearance in this film is heralded by white light, slo-mo, and irritating choir music. And her flash-forwards to her unborn child? Needless. Cut 'em.
Another problem I have, and this is a Tolkien issue, is the way characters insist on naming every single thing in casual conversation. For example: Let's say I'm taking a trip to Tijuana.
-In the real world, I might say "Yeah, I'm gonna drive down the 5, park this side, walk across the border, then take a cab to TJ's main street where I'll get wasted."
-If I were a Tolkien character, here's what I'd say, even to a good friend: "I, Luke son of James, descendent of Thomp who settled in the Land of Virginia in the region known as Appalachia, shall board my trusty vehicle Fordmercurius, and ride like the wind down the Freeway of San Diegicus, also known as the Pentaway. Approaching the Border of Borderos that leads to the Land of Mexicador, I shall leave my steed, then on foot traverse the Path of Pathioninca until I reach the Taxicab of Thoreo-Hur, which will be in the hands of a Latino from the people of Latinerica. Under his guidance I shall reach the Street of Cheapwhore-Whiskeydrink, whereupon I shall look for the sign of the Prancing Pony and drink Elven Ale till my brain enters the Shadowlands."
Nonetheless, it's a fun flick. And the hobbits are totally gay (see them bounce about on Frodo's bed, as Sir Ian looks on approvingly)
25. Freddy versus Jason. I knew few others would take to this flick, and I was right -- it's basically the slasher film equivalent of WrestleMania, and those hoping for a "serious" horror film were dismayed, though neither character's franchise has been "serious" for some time. Points deducted for replacing Kane Hodder as Jason -- it's a noticeable difference. Points also lost for Monica Keena not showing hooter. Good to see Freddy back, though, and the kills were all pretty cool. A drunken party flick, which is not a bad thing to be.
24. The Shape of Things. Having satiated his chick-flick desires, Neil LaBute goes back to being mean, and it's a riot. He previously made his name with films showing women manipulated by men; here he reverses the genders, with similar results. Rachel Weisz has never been better.
23. X2: X-Men United. I enjoyed this sequel a lot, much like its predecessor, but both lack that extra oomph that makes a classic superhero movie for me. I guess what I really want is to see the X-Men fighting in a city, or at least somewhere that isn't rural Canada, or a room in some soundstage. Seeing Wolverine finally sink his claws into the bad guys was hugely gratifying, and Hugh Jackman is the best match of actor with superhero role since Christopher Reeve as Superman. More Mystique is always a good decision, and the way Magneto escaped his prison was truly imaginative and badass. The ending was a blatant crib from Wrath of Khan, but presumably it sets us up for an epic part 3.
22. Pieces of April. Katie Holmes needs to keep the goth look in real life, but that's not why I rate this film highly. What's most impressive is the way digital video is used -- its portability and in-your-face voyeurism makes the flick play like a home movie, and makes you forget you're watching famous actors, as you think "Surely they can't really be famous actors in something that looks this homemade?" Passive-aggressive family feuds are captured with hilarious honesty, and Patricia Clarkson's performance as the cancer-stricken mother is one of her best, which is saying something. This movie made me believe that low-res DV can sometimes be the best format for a project, and I was highly skeptical of that notion previously.
21. Head of State. So many critics missed the boat on this one. I understand why: Chris Rock is known for acerbic and issue-oriented stand-up. But to focus only on that is to miss the other side of his sensibility, the side that loves surreal humor like that of Louis C.K. When I interviewed Chris a few years back, he said he hired Louis because black comedians really don't know how to be weird, and that was a sensibility he wanted to bring to his show. Anyway, those who criticized Head of State for not being political miss the point -- it isn't supposed to be. It's set in an alternate, absurdist universe, and the fact that Rock explicitly references Pee-wee's Big Adventure TWICE during the film should clue you in. Head of State also happens to be the funniest of the 500 or so movies Bernie Mac appeared in this year.
LYT's best movies of 2003, part two
I expect these choices to get more controversial as we reach the top.
20. Divine Intervention. This is the one that wasn't eligible for the Oscar last year because it's Palestinian; this year, Oscar relented and allowed it. A surreal, episodic comedy, Elia Suleiman's film takes a look at the lighter side of life under Israeli rule. Zealots on either side of the issue may have a problem with the film -- either it's not militant enough, or it's too militant -- but the movie has a dreamlike quality that defies absolutist, literal interpretations. Whether or not you agree with it, check it out as an expression of the artistic, moderate Palestinian perspective, and perhaps you'll learn something.
19. Willard. A remake better than the original, and a character-driven piece tailor-made for Crispin Glover (and R. Lee Ermey, for that matter). Glover lets his freak flag fly, and in the end proves to be more sympathetic than one might have anticipated. James Morgan and Glen Wong, creators of the original Final Destination (I was nonplussed by the original but loved the sequel) outdid themselves here (the cat named "Scully" is a bit of a gratuitous X-Files reference, though). Crispin's Willard would make a perfect prom date for Angela Bettis' May. Strictly for fans of Crispin and creepy movies, but I'm firmly in both camps.
18. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World. This is being included for one very basic reason. I've been to film school, I've been on sets, and I think I could make some pretty damn good movies. But I watch Master and Commander, and I think that I wouldn't have the first idea how to make this film. Short of taking two ships out to a real battle, how the fuck do you put this together? Give Peter Weir credit also for not condescending to the audience: we may be lost at first, but we catch up, without the aid of any gratuitous scene structured to explain nautical terms to us. In essence, it may be the big-screen version of South Park's "Russell Crowe Fightin' Round the World," but it's the best movie of its type we could possibly hope for.
17. School of Rock. Ohhh, it's deceptively simple, but you try to make a crowd-pleaser in this mold that actually pleases. Funny, inspirational, and suitable for all audiences, this was possibly the perfect formula film. Director Richard Linklater often bores me, and screenwriter Mike White rubbed me very much the wrong way with The Good Girl, but it all came together under the larger-than-life persona of Jack Black. If you saw this movie and disliked it, I feel bad for you. The simplest joys are often neglected in assessing art, and I won't do that here. To quote my incessantly chattering Beavis toy, "This rules! Heh-heh!"
16. The Triplets of Belleville. Unless you're a whole lot more cosmopolitan than I, I feel secure in saying that this movie is like nothing you've ever seen. A French cartoon that looks nothing like either Disney or anime, and relies almost solely on visuals with next-to-no dialogue, Triplets will remind you of the free-form anarchy that is possible in animation. Always pulling out some absurd device you least expect to further the plot, Slyvain Chomet's classic-to-be will linger in the head for ages, though possibly not as long as the insanely catchy title song.
15. OT: Our Town. I've been praising this documentary for so long that my quote actually appears in the movie's trailer and on the DVD, which is only available through the distributor, filmmovement.com. Technically, it's not the tightest film ever, and certainly it isn't objective, as the director lives with one of the subjects. Nonetheless, as a former high school drama geek, I was totally sucked in to this true tale of kids in a Compton high school putting on a play. As a veteran of an underfunded drama program, I feel their pain, and the movie made me feel it intensely. Fortunately, you get to share their triumphs as well. To cop a Kevin Thomas cliche, it's a bravura high school theater picture.
14. City of God. I only finally saw Godfather II this year, but when I then saw City of God, I was struck by how similar they are. A Brazilian epic, based on a novel, that shows the rise and fall of a notorious drug dealer in the favela (projects), this is one movie that really takes you on a journey, making you feel for the downtrodden without ever preaching at you. And I stand by my assessment: it's a crime drama worthy of comparison to Scarface and Godfather. Don't let the fact that it's foreign and features no name actors scare you off -- many of the cast really are poor kids from the projects, who bring an authenticity no actor could match.
13. Bubba Ho-Tep. Someone read my friend Zach Passero's mind, and turned it into a movie. An aging Elvis (Bruce Campbell, in his best acting performance ever) teams up with a black man claiming to be JFK (Ossie Davis) to take on a redneck Mummy that's sucking souls out the asses of their fellow rest-home residents. Sounds like a one-joke movie, and the film's surprisingly slow-paced as such, but it actually turns out to be a poignant meditation on the aging process and the nature of imagination -- what Shakespeare called "second childhood" is very much in effect. For at least a brief moment, you'll believe Elvis lives.
12. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. I expected a by-the-numbers sequel; I got a surprisingly respectful follow-up to two of the greatest sci-fi flicks of my era. Those who say that T1 and T2 are complete in and of themselves are wrong -- if the nuclear war is averted, John Connor cannot exist, as his father will never be sent back through time. As for T2's promise of free will -- if the future is not set, why is it the machines keep on losing, despite superior technology? The ending is one of the ballsiest I've ever seen in a big-budget event movie -- points off only for not giving us a good look at Kristanna Loken's nudity, and for letting Arnold go on to run for governor. The Terminator films reflect their respective eras well -- Terminator has the doom of the cold war, T2 the optimism of the Clinton era, and T3 brings us back around to armageddon fears with the war on terror. James Cameron himself liked the movie, so don't go calling it an insult to him.
11. Beyond Re-Animator. So who knew this, uh, "franchise" was still around? Maybe you saw a butchered version on the sci-fi channel, but if so, you missed a lot -- chief among this film's pleasures is the ongoing feud between a mouse and a severed, re-animated penis. Jeffrey Combs once again steps into his trademark role of Dr. Herbert West, now behind bars; for those that don't know, Combs is to mad scientists what Bruce Campbell is to square-jawed heroes. By movie's end, we know the prison will be a mad-house filled with zombies -- the only question is how soon? The gore effects, by Screaming Mad George, are refreshingly retro: it's all practical, and the actors respond accordingly. A must-rent for fans of '80s "splatter" movies.
Note: Feel free to post your own lists on the message board. Top ten coming soon.
Posted by LYT at 1:11 AM | Comments (0)
December 28, 2003
Tune in, turn on...you know the rest
Isn't it about time more Democratic presidential contenders dropped out?
Look, fellas, the longer you stay in, the longer you have to spend huge amounts of cash. And at this point, you should have some idea of your chances, realistically.
Carol Moseley-Braun should drop out. Yes, she diversifies the race, but none of her issues are getting out. I have no idea what she stands for that's different than what anyone else stands for.
John Edwards should drop out. He will be a presidential candidate, but not this year.
Al Sharpton should stay in, for as long as possible. He keeps things entertaining, and what's more, he knows it.
Dennis Kucinich should drop out. I agree with him more than the others, but as I've already stated, no-one's gonna vote for a gnome in a toupee, no matter how much they like him.
Dick Gephardt should stay in. He's boring, but he seems to be giving Dean a run for his money among centrists.
John Kerry... who knows. Seems sunk at this point, but he was the frontrunner once.
Joe Lieberman should drop out. He's a sanctimonious prick, and realistically speaking, no non-Christian will be elected president. I wish that weren't so, but in Lieberman's case I'll take anything that works against him.
Wesley Clark should stay in. He hasn't embarassed himself yet.
Howard Dean...duh. He'll more than likely win.
Parker Posey's oral talents
I just recently read that, of all people, Parker Posey is going to be the villainous vampire queen in the movie Blade III.
Those of you who've heard my commentary on the Ed and his Dead Mother DVD know where I'm going with this. I think she's perfect.
In fact, I'd like Parker Posey to suck my...neck.
What, you thought I'd say something else?
Doggone it
MSN.com asks: Are hot dogs the new sushi?
My answer: No. No. Hell no.
Lucky McKee's answer would be different, I think.
Check, Cashed
So on Christmas day, I drove down to Carlsbad to see my uncle. This in the midst of torrential L.A. rainy-season rain. Scary drive. Many L.A. roads aren't blacktop, just gray concrete, and in thick water, the lines become nigh invisible. If a car in front of you should hit a pothole, the ensuing spray hits your windshield with the force of a stone.
Long drive. Mapquest directions got screwy at the end. But made it there finally, to some great pork chops.
Kip's fiancee Elaina not only has a great house, but she's exactly the sort of host you'd want to meet in such a domicile. Likewise, her children are very warm and open. Also they have digital cable.
Kip wanted to get me the Johnny Cash Unearthed box set for Xmas, but we soon learned a harsh lesson : It's sold out everywhere, and may not be restocked. Though I never heard this mentioned at any point, it was apparently a limited-time release.
Let's let that sink in. 4 discs of never-before-heard material, from a recently deceased icon. No longer available.
If this is true, fuck Rick Rubin in his beardy weirdy ass. The man in black was a man of the people. Let his music go. Also you'll make more money by making it more available, RICHARD.
I met some really cool English friends of Kip, with whom I could reminisce about the Empire while eating stilton. Then I made my uncle take me shopping. Scored a new Matrix APU sans broken arm (here's hoping TRU takes back the broken one), half-price Soul Calibur Voldo figure, and the Tomb Raider 2 Lara Croft movie figure, sold out most places. This is the one with removable jacket that I got Jaye for her birthday.
Rented Midnight Cowboy. Seems kinda dated, badly, to me. Nothing happens to the protagonists, and there are endless flashback/hallucination sequences that scream "60s." Jon Voight's lips do look like his daughter's, though.
Anyhow, if you see that Cash Unearthed set, BUY IT. Bottom line. I should have, sooner.
Posted by LYT at 1:08 AM | Comments (0)
December 25, 2003
How to make a movie that will last forever
Make it about Christmas.
Seriously, I actually saw "Jack Frost" on TV the other night. This is the movie in which Michael Keaton plays a man actually named "Jack Frost" who dies and is reincarnated as a CGI snowman.
It seems to have killed Keaton's career -- he hasn't starred in any cinematic features since then.
Sample dialogue exchange:
"You da man!"
"I'm da snowman!"
On the other side of the coin, I always make a point of watching A Christmas Story on TNT. It's pretty much the perfect holiday flick.
I was supposed to see Black Christmas (horror movie by the director of A Christmas Story) last night at the Nuart, but the print didn't make it -- instead we saw something called "Mark of the Witch," which ironically enough reminded me both of The Woods and my own sold-but-unmade Corman flick Witchfinder. Only it sucks. But in a good way.
My Christmas haul, purchased mostly by me:
WWE Elimination Chamber playset
Matrix Sentinel
Matrix APU, which broke right out of the box, as has apparently been happening a lot.
Tim Burton's tragic toys for girls and boys set #2 (of 4): Toxic Boy, Mummy Boy, and Hideous Penguin Boy
Underworld Raze figure
Kubricks KAWS set (two graffiti-inspired block figures with bus-shelter playset -- weird as hell)
Final Fantasy X-2 Paine figure
WWE clothing: Brock and Austin hooded sweatshirts, "Believe the Hype" shirt, "Hit it strong, hit it fast" shirt, "Have a nice day" shirt (smiley face wearing torture mask)
From my Mom: A PDA and a rattlesnake T-shirt (she's finally figured out my taste, I think)
As I was typing this, I remembered my uncle and aunt (Mike and Jill, respectively), sent me a package I didn't open. Here goes:
A "Far Side" day planner. Nice.
Posted by LYT at 1:06 AM | Comments (0)
December 24, 2003
Merry Xmas kids
Or, if you can't bear any kind of reference to the J-man, Happy Thursday.
I'd love to be with all of you, but there's only one of me to go around. With luck, I'll get around a bit more next year. I think big changes will be in store for '04, and I hope they're for the better (changes usually are, in my experience). Maybe we can change our president too.
For the holiday season, I wish everyone the best. Believe it or not, I wish the best for Mr. Bush too. The job seems to be stressing him out, and I just want him to have a long, long vacation while someone else fills the position!
Here's what I wish for, this season:
For President Bush, a stiff challenge from Colin Powell in the Republican primary
For Dennis Kucinich, a miracle. Failing that, the courage to keep speaking from the heart after his inevitable loss in the primaries. Sorry, Dennis, but the American public these days won't vote for a guy who looks like a little gnome in a wig. Love ya though.
For Osama Bin Laden, cancer
For zealots on both sides of the Israel/Palestine issue: The realization, once and for all, that the government of Israel does not represent all Jews, just as suicide bombers do not represent all Palestinians.
For Kim Jong-Il, his own people rising up against him and succeeding
For my mother, a higher paying job commensurate with the amount of studying she's done in her lifetime
For Tech Guy, certification
For Lucky McKee, things to keep going the way they're going
For JBL, platinum or gold certification of The Woods soundtrack album
For ReJeKt, start the damn blog up again dammit!
For Peggy_C, that the women of the world will take your advice and make you famous for it
For Bill Goldberg, a little humility
For offpat, an "average" weekend of alcohol consumption, preferably at some future date when I'm there
For sean, total self-confidence. Also Masterpiece Optimus Prime.
For ZP and jez, a distribution deal for the likely masterpiece they're just about to finish
For Kevin Ford, or K.Fo as I call him, the budget to make something on a grand scale, and a distributor who respects what he's already done on a small scale
For Angela and Joe Bettis: see above
For my dad, the confidence to remember that he can draw
For my brothers, complete ignorance of geopolitics until they're much much older
For my sisters, acceptance to that college in Montreal
For the great people of Montreal, ditto
For my stepmom, an occasional moment's peace
For all the producers in this town, recognition of LYT
For Bgone, a swift recovery
For JFJ, a job
For Lauren Birkell, the lead role she deserves
For everyone else -- everything you desire. And now the Osbourne's Christmas special is starting, so I'll sign off.
This ain't no party, this ain't no disco
Just heard on the news that L.A. has been specifically mentioned as a terrorist target. What fun to spend Christmas Eve thinking about that. France seems to be a suspected source -- I wrote last week that the postal service wasn't accepting packages from France, and now a whole bunch of flights from there have been cancelled. Al Qaeda like to revisit targets they failed at before (WTC), and they were thwarted at LAX in '99.
I thought we were supposed to be safer now that Saddam's been caught? I just got done shooting a movie called Lost in the Bush, set a coupla years in the future in an America under martial law. I fear it may not be too much of a stretch.
In the spirit of the season...
Posted by LYT at 1:04 AM | Comments (0)
December 23, 2003
The Next G.G. Allin?
Check out this SF Weekly article on the naked fat man known as Extreme Elvis.
Czechs and Balances
In today's L.A. Times:
"Czech Republic trade unions demanded that stores stop playing Christmas carols incessantly or compensate sales clerks for emotional trauma.
Some stores play the same song all day and employees say shifts have become unbearable.
Alexandr Leiner, a union leader, said unions have written to major chains and demanded extra pay or time off. They have received no response."
If FAO Schwarz weren't already going out of business, I'd suggest something similar. Even as a customer, that "Welcome to our world of toys" song is like torture.
What Would Ted Say?
If you haven't followed THIS LINK on David Poland's page, and you're a movie fan, do it now.
(it's a Quicktime movie, and may take a moment to load)
Posted by LYT at 4:45 PM | Comments (0)
December 22, 2003
Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa, men have named you
I wasn't planning on seeing the Julia Roberts flick Mona Lisa Smile...
...until I read the movieguide review:
"Very strong Romantic worldview with very strong feminist and politically correct viewpoint, including revisionist history about the “repressive” 1950s (a liberal lie), pro-homosexual content, and subtle but very strong pro-Communist ideology mocking anti-Communists, traditional morality, marriage, traditional families, and conservatives, with Christian Cross shown on bell and wedding ceremony in church starts, but movie cuts away before any more Christian references can come; 14 obscenities, one strong profanity, and three light profanities; no violence; significant sexual immorality including implied fornication, scenes talking about sexual promiscuity, discussion of birth control, movie strongly sympathizes with minor lesbian character, female student seems to paw another female student during horseplay, and married men date and kiss single women; upper male nudity and women in underwear; alcohol use and drunkenness; smoking, and, lying, jealousy, name-calling, moral relativism, and references to male teacher’s one night stand with a female student."
(I know, I link to their reviews a lot. Sorry, but they're so consistently either funny or disturbing -- or both -- that I can't help it.)
Marrily we roll along
My friendster friend "Shizzle" writes:
"original message from my gay friend nuckily:
Want to put a cramp in the (antigay) American
Family Association's style? They are conducting
an online poll about gay marriage, and plan to
show their results to Congress. When I took it,
it said 80% oppose same-sex marriage and civil
unions, and that 17% are in favor. Of course, it
begs the question, who are they polling? Well,
some friends and I decided they needed some
OTHER input.
Go here: http://www.marriagepoll.com
Help us skew their results! It takes a few
seconds of your time. Repost on your Bulletin
Board
support gay things!
we love our gay friends!"
I voted. Maybe you might feel like it, or not. So far, the skewing appears to be working.
Of course, if you do oppose gay marriage, you can say that too.
Posted by LYT at 4:44 PM | Comments (0)
December 19, 2003
Bushed
I'll be off this weekend working on K-Fo's new flick Lost in the Bush. Happy weekend to all, and happy holidays if you're not back reading by then.
In preparation for this war movie, I just gave myself a buzz cut, Full Metal Jacket style. It's a change, but don't worry, the fag rainbow hair will be back soon enough.
Posted by LYT at 4:43 PM | Comments (0)
December 18, 2003
So Su Me
I was just recently lamenting the lack of a good sushi restaurant near me. Then lo and behold, I find one. One so good I've eaten there two nights in a row. Just watching the chef make radish shavings is awe-inspiring. And they have beer.
It's in a really seedy looking strip mall at Santa Monica and Highland (also in the strip mall is a check-cashing place and adult bookstore, hallmarks of poor neighborhoods), but, damn, Sushi Ryo is a solid place to eat. LYT sez check it out.
Chamber Made
Parents, are you looking for toy suggestions for kids this Christmas? I've got one, because I just picked it up yesterday: The WWE Elimination Chamber
Normally, any toys I buy for myself in Nov-Dec get opened on Christmas only. In this case, I held off so long on buying the toy that the only available ones were in damaged boxes, so I opened it to make sure it was all there.
It is, and it's a beaut. When Jakks Pacific make playsets this good, it makes me wonder why their figures are so mediocre. Most WWE figures use the same body parts, all except for a laser-scanned head.
Anyway, the toy works with any 6" figures, and is basically like Mad Max's Thunderdome around a wrestling ring, with two "glass" chambers on each side (the real chamber has 4, but adding two more would have raised costs too high). The chambers have sliding doors that can be opened from outside the cage, and also a break-away pane so you can throw opponents through the glass, as Goldberg did at Summerslam.
For those curious as to how a match like this works, two wrestlers start the match, with an additional wrestler in each chamber. Every five minutes, a chamber is opened by remote, and the new guy enters the match. There are no disqualifications.
Anyway, the toy's bad-ass and very huge. And unlike some of the toys I've been showing you guys lately, it's available now.
Posted by LYT at 4:42 PM | Comments (0)
December 17, 2003
Pardon my French...please
My stepmom, living in Paris, writes, "I went to the post office yesterday to mail you a package, and they said the
U.S. is accepting no packages from overseas."
This seems like overkill on our part, huh? Is this just France? Those of you out there with relatives living abroad, has this kind of thing happened to you too?
Posted by LYT at 4:40 PM | Comments (0)
December 16, 2003
How to answer the pro-war taunts
I'm reading it all over: "Is the world a better place now that Saddam's been caught? Hah! Well if you'd had your anti-war way, then the world would be a worse place!"
You can fall into the trap if you say the world's not better off with Saddam caught -- that just makes you look bad. As always, the question and answer are more complicated than yes/no.
Let me give you a hypothetical -- not quite analogous, but so be it:
Without a warrant, cops in riot gear break into a man's house looking for drugs. They find none, but in the process end up shooting the man in the head as he runs from them. Turns out later that that man raped and murdered his family ten years ago.
Is the world a better place with him dead? Probably. Do you want to set that sort of precedent for police behavior, though? Not I.
Howard Dean's response to Saddam's capture
is HERE. This guy's a damn smart politician. I don't agree with him on everything, but already I think he can better read an audience than Gore ever could.
I was listening earlier to right-wing talk radio, and was surprised how many of the callers were angry liberals calling in to proclaim that Saddam's capture means nothing.
Then I went to WWE.com, where there's a poll about whether or not you think Bush will be re-elected. Wrestling fans are traditionally more conservative, but the poll's split almost 50/50.
This surprised the hell out of me. Have I become so conservative relative to the left?
Posted by LYT at 4:39 PM | Comments (2)
December 15, 2003
It's OK
This post is for all my fellow lefties.
It's OK to be glad Saddam is captured. Really, it is. Doesn't make you a Republican, or a Bush-lover. I know you may hate the U.S. government, and it might be tempting to support any enemies of it, but fight that urge. Saddam's a bad guy. He's not the only bad guy, nor is he the most dangerous bad guy, but many people in Iraq and elsewhere are sleeping more soundly tonight knowing he's in custody as a criminal.
Will this ensure Bush's re-election? Not necessarily. We still have almost a year to go. If we find Osama during that year, Bush will be re-elected. That sucks, but if it's a choice between having dangerous terrorists in custody versus a president I despise, I know which one I'd take.
Does this sink Howard Dean? Again, not necessarily. Dean is smart. He has applauded this news. Our capture of Saddam does not make our reasons for going to war any more correct -- two wrongs don't make a right.
An indisbutably awful human being was taken alive, and will be brought to justice, probably among his own people. Surely we can all celebrate that.
Posted by LYT at 4:38 PM | Comments (0)
December 14, 2003
Joey Green Giant
Just talked to my brother Reuben on the phone. It's good to know he enjoys the classic superheroes, notably Martian Manhunter and Green Lantern (who reminds him of the Hulk).
Reuben was disappointed in the Hulk movie because it didn't have enough Hulk in it. He's only 4, but his criticism is astute.
He'd love to see a movie-accurate toy of the Hulk that swings a tank around and jumps as high (proportionately) as the movie Hulk. He suggests that putting a baby kangaroo inside each Hulk action figure might achieve this, though he's not sure what to do with the kangaroo's ears.
My brother seems to have a thing for green. He's also a fan of the "Turtle Ninjas."
I tell him his cousin Arthur was similarly obsessed at the same age. At one point, I had an audio recording of 3-yr-old Arthur singing the Ninja Turtle theme song at the top of his lungs. (He's now 17)
Right about now, I'm betting Arthur's hoping that tape got destroyed in my apartment flood. Could be.
Holy shit
Looks like we captured Saddam Hussein alive.
For all my partisan bickerings, hey, I just wanna say congrats to all involved. I wish we hadn't backed out of that whole world court thing, though.
No-one argues that this guy is fucking scum. So no harm in giving him a fair trial, then watching him self-destruct, like Slobodan Milosevic.
I still think Bush sucks. But the soldiers who did this kick ass. Way to go, guys. Dunno if my buddy Eric's out there yet -- I know he was hoping to be involved somehow.
Dunno if this makes Iraq any safer, but I hope it does.
The sad thing is this -- I found put about this news the same way I first heard about 9-11: on a website about toy collecting.
Screenwriting again
And it feels good, even though I'm just doing it on Word right now (I have Final Draft somewhere, but not yet installed on this machine, and the disc is nowhere to be found).
Right now, just for fun, I'm writing a new Masters of the Universe movie. I know getting the rights would be damn-near impossible, but I need to get the story out of my head, by putting it on the page. And I must say, I'd forgotten how much fun creative writing can be. I'm on an adrenaline surge.
If you know who has the rights to this property, or you have them, I'd love to show you this script o' mine when I'm done. If not, it will have to remain "fan fiction."
Posted by LYT at 4:36 PM | Comments (0)
December 11, 2003
Calling all old-school fans
A lot of times when I talk about my love for wrestling with other folks my age (the non-condescending ones, anyway), they'll say that they haven't watched it since they were kids, but they used to love the Ultimate Warrior, Andre the Giant, etc.
Those people should CLICK HERE RIGHT NOW. It might just be a dream come true.
Oh My
I believe I now have my most anticipated movie of next year (other than THE WOODS, of course!).
CLICK HERE. Once it's done loading, click anywhere.
Posted by LYT at 4:31 PM | Comments (0)
December 9, 2003
Slam! Duh-dunuh! Duh-dunuh! Let the boys be boys!
So tonight was the announcement party for Slamdance, at some Spanish Grill or other in west L.A. I got there way too early, as is my wont, went to the Beverly Center to look at X-men toys, then came back fashionably late to find that the beautiful lady I was supposed to meet had arrived in my absence. Faux pas by me.
The promised free cocktails never materialized, though I got at least two free shots of blue Tequila. A bunch of movies were anounced; best title I recall was "Away in a Trailer."
Some free hors d'oeuvres were fun -- Mexican style eggrolls, chicken skewers, and taquitos in blue corn shells. I made more of a mess than my companion, a dubious honor at best. When a fabulously good-looking lady (who has tragically eliminated a certain piercing, but looks great nonetheless) keeps pointing out the remnants of food on your face, it probably doesn't confer stud status upon you.
Anyway, I spoke to Don Franken of Method Fest, and Chris Gore, briefly -- he's always polite to me, but never seems to want to converse in any detail.
Part of the decor was a large ball and chain. Wonder if the proprieter has been married once too often.
Oh, and Deirdre the waitress is a princess among women. Great service.
Harmony Korine is back
As one of the few fans of Gummo, I'm likely one of the only people who finds THIS good news.
(link courtesy of Movie City News)
heeeufff ya smeeeelalalalalala...
Ah, live WWE Raw. Good friends, one of whom's a live wrestling rookie. Follow the motto of the T-shirt that's selling like hotcakes at the stands: "Fuck fear...drink beer." The rookie's driving ya home, after all.
Witness the surprise return of the Rock, here to debut the trailer for his remake of Walking Tall. Consider the irony that the original Walking Tall actually inspired one of the more famous wrestling gimmicks of all time -- Hacksaw Jim Duggan.
Note the Rock's new official catchphrase, emblazoned (natch) on a new T-shirt: "How's your lips?...because they're gonna get slapped off your face!"(TM). Better than slapped out from between your legs, I guess. Not a real winner, certainly not on a par with Trish Stratus' "Blow me...into the Stratus-sphere."
About that Walking Tall trailer...Johnny Knoxville is the Rock's sidekick. Is it a demographic rule that Rock now has to have a wisecracking white sidekick? I guess back in the 80s it was often a white guy with a wisecracking black sidekick. However...Scorpion King (big black sidekick) did better than The Rundown (wisecracking white sidekick). Pay attention.
Eat at Carl's...No. Wait. Too full. Eat at Denny's.
Come home drunk, tired, and horny. At least one of those three will be sated.
It's a beautiful day. Don't let it get away.
Posted by LYT at 4:29 PM | Comments (0)
December 8, 2003
Mean but Funny
A hilarious parody of Ain't It Cool News.
Wow
I always used to think that hatred of the U.N. mostly stemmed from an America-centric, right-wing worldview. Alexander Cockburn, however, issues a scathing critique from the radical left side of the spectrum.
I wonder: If both extremes hate it, might that mean it's doing something right?
Posted by LYT at 4:27 PM | Comments (0)
December 6, 2003
"Wrestler" Nathan Jones announces retirement
Boy, this guy was a real winner. He nearly injures Sting on the WWA tour, gets picked up by WWE, given a huge amount of hype due to the fact that he's 7 feet tall and an ex-convict who once ripped a prison door off its hinges.
Then he gets injured right away. Finally comes back, and appears in skits as The Undertaker's protegee. Scheduled to tag with Taker at WrestleMania, but officials decide he sucks too much even for that, so they give him an injury angle, and have him only show up at match's end.
Gets injured again. Finally comes back for Survivor Series, now as a bad guy with no explanation for the turn. Wrestles some tag matches with Big Show, rookie Matt Morgan, and A-Train. Barely does anything in said matches -- actually looks bad even when compared to A-Train, Big Show, and Morgan (Morgan, we hope, at least has the potential to get better).
And now he's decided the whole thing's too stressful. Boy, that old cliche the commentators always use is true here. "It ain't the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."
Posted by LYT at 4:26 PM | Comments (10)
December 3, 2003
Bob Dole remark makes Bob Dole look bad
email from Bob Dole, to columnist Howard Kurtz (thanks to Martin Devon for the heads-up):
"I thank God F.D.R. was my commander in chief in WWII. Had it been Howard Dean we would have not participated. This would have saved lives and none of us would have been wounded. Just one little problem: we would have lost our liberty and freedom."
Wrong. Do I need to point out why?
Probably, because there's this very prevalent myth that the U.S. entered World War II to defeat Adolf Hitler. That goal did ultimately come up, but as anyone who watches Ben Affleck movies could tell you, the primary reason we entered World War II is because we were attacked militarily by the Empire of Japan. Hitler had been at war with western Europe for two years by that point.
Dole is thus implying that as president, Dean would do nothing if this country were attacked. Utter bullshit. Dean opposes the Iraq war precisely because we were NOT attacked, nor was there any indication that we would be, by the Iraqi military.
I might even go so far as to speculate that if FDR, being a liberal Democrat, were alive today, he'd likely oppose the Iraq war too. He'd certainly oppose George Bush in most other areas.
Addendum: We would have lost our liberty AND freedom? I'd sure hate to have just one of those without the other (because, you know, they mean the same thing, so one without the other is a logical impossibility).
Does Dean make you wanna Ralph?
Ralph Nader is preparing for a possible presidential run in 2004. I don't think it's a great idea right now.
Hey, I like Ralph more than most. I think he's an American hero, and I think he has more integrity than most. I voted for him in both of his previous presidential runs.
In 1996, after Clinton signed welfare reform and both Clinton and Dole were flip-flopping on issues based on the latest polls, I determined that there was no substantive difference, and voted Nader.
In 2000, when Gore and Bush spent most of their debates agreeing with each other, and Gore promsiing to outspend Bush on the military, I again determined there was no substantive difference, and voted for the guy whose platform I actually agreed with: Nader.
As hard as it may be to recall given the partisan adulation they command now, it's worth a reminder: very few people were enthused about either Bush or Gore in 2000. Republicans said, "Well, at least Bush is better than Gore." Democrats said vice versa.
Subsequently, of course, Bush got elected (sort of), and became more right-wing than his campaign had indicated. As if to bring balance to the universe, Gore suddenly started publicly speaking out in favor of left-wing issues he never embraced on the campaign trail.
Now, I've been a registered Green since around 1996. But if Howard Dean is the Democratic nominee, I will probably vote for him, even if Nader, or any other Green, runs. I can't begrudge the Greens running somebody -- they're a political party, and they're entitled -- but if it's Dean versus Bush, there will be major substantive differences. Neither man is a huge flip-flopper. Neither man will fill a debate with platitudes about how much he agrees with his opponent. Dean is as progressive a president as we could possibly get in this era. And Bush is now adored by Republicans.
Now, if it's Lieberman, or some other loser like that, I dunno. Jury's still out, big-time, on Wesley Clark for me.
Slave 4U
Anyone hear about this new political correctness controversy? Apprently there are types of computer plug traditionally labeled "master" and "slave." In the interests of diversity, there have recently been objections to this name.
Am I naive? My first thought was, "Oh, sado-masochists filed a complaint. Jeez, that's oversensitive." Then I found out it's a black guy who complained.
Duh. Slavery. Guess I should have thought of that. But I didn't.
So am I dense, or is some guy being a tad too touchy? Does this mean we also ban songs like "Slave to the Rhythm"?
Posted by LYT at 4:22 PM | Comments (0)