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February 28, 2005
Catching up
OK, I caught about 10 minutes of Oscars between takes on MAD COWGIRL. Looking at the results, it seems that this year was a lot more predictable than usual. I might have done better than my usual 60% had I gone on record, though I did think Thomas Haden Church might upset for supporting actor.
I think the only one no-one saw coming was the Motorcycle Diaries song for Best Song. Non-English numbers don't usually win.
Funny that Hilary Swank has two Oscars, for two great performances, but her work in most other movies SUCKS ASS. The Core, Affair of the Necklace, The Next Karate Kid...need I go on?
MIllion Dollar Baby is a great movie, though. Even if you think you've been "spoiled," check it out anyway. It's the kind of movie, like Old Yeller, that guys can cry at and not feel ashamed.
Posted by LYT at 1:31 AM | Comments (0)
February 27, 2005
Just Dropping In
We're shooting for four days on MAD COWGIRL this weekend instead of two. One of these days wiull feature the first appearance in front of the camera of my major character, Lenny.
So pardon me if I don't write about the Oscars, or watch them. I don't have time. Some film critic I am, huh?
I'm rooting for Million Dollar Baby, though. It's rare that one of my favorites gets nominated, so I'm going with it. The Aviator was a bore.
I actually would like to watch Chris Rock host. If any of my readers watch, please quote some of his best lines for me in the comments below.
Posted by LYT at 2:01 AM | Comments (1)
February 26, 2005
Six less minutes of Jesus-flesh
Coming soon to theaters: THE PASSION RECUT
The official site is HERE
Basically, 6 minutes of violence are trimmed. Will that do the trick?
Posted by LYT at 1:21 AM | Comments (1)
February 24, 2005
Review Update
"Seemingly successful couple Helen (Kimberly Elise) and Charles (Steve Harris) are revealed to be anything but, and he kicks her out of the house on their anniversary, to take up with a spoiled white woman (Lisa Marcos). Mad as hell and not gonna take it anymore, Helen moves in with her sassy, gun-toting grandmother Madea. And this is where the first warning bell goes off, for while everything thus far has played like a passable drama, Madea is ludicrously played by Tyler Perry in drag."
The rest HERE
"That the movie is set in the '60s is of little significance; ditto the fact that the film itself is now 14 years old. Unlike many American period pieces that obsess over the details, Wong Kar-Wai's picture could be set any time, and feels just as fresh now as it must have in 1991 (the rights just became available) -- although Hong Kong fans will know that Leslie Cheung took his own life not so long ago, which gives the whole thing an additional layer of poignancy (not that it needed one). "
The rest HERE
#SON OF THE MASK#
In John Arcudi’s original comic-book telling, “The Mask” turned its wearer into a serial killer with a sick sense of humor, yet somehow that got translated into a mambo-dancing Jim Carrey. Though entertaining in its own way, the 1994 movie forever branded the franchise as a kiddie one, which is a shame.
“Son of the Mask” opens promisingly with a dark and funny sequence in which the Norse god Loki (Alan Cumming), who created the Mask, confronts historian Dr. Neuman (Ben Stein, the only returning actor) in the Viking wing of a museum. Unfortunately, the focus quickly shifts to struggling animator Tim Avery (Jamie Kennedy), whose dog discovers the Mask. Donning it for a fancy-dress party, Avery impresses the boss and impregnates his wife, who shortly gives birth to an infant with super-powers. Then the dog puts on the Mask, and spends most of the movie trying to kill the baby, Tom and Jerry style. Such cartoon hijinks are a lot more disturbing when a real dog and a real baby are being placed in jeopardy (there’s also a domestic violence gag, tee-hee). Meanwhile, Loki continues his quest to retrieve his property, all while being harassed by father Odin (Bob Hoskins).
Cumming is well-suited to this kind of material, but Kennedy, while decent as a henpecked husband, is unbelievably awful when he dons the green face-paint. No doubt he wanted to make the role his own, but even the worst Jim Carrey impersonator would have been better. The manic ‘toon antics will likely please kids, but best for the parents to wait until video so they can pop in and out just to see Cumming’s bits.
Posted by LYT at 12:36 AM | Comments (1)
February 22, 2005
Something left in the air
Air America Radio is back on the dial in L.A., at 1150 a.m. It's not 100% Air America content -- there was a sports game on the weekend, and they also have syndicated host Ed Schulz (a liberal redneck, if you can imagine that).
No more KABC in my car.
Posted by LYT at 10:28 PM | Comments (0)
The biggest story of this year's Toy Fair: Todd McFarlane got OWNED.
(complete with cool pictures and stuff)
For those who don't know, Todd McFarlane revolutionized the action figure industry in the early '90s in several ways, first with his line of SPAWN toys based on his own character, then with several others:
1. He significantly upped the ante on the level of detailed sculpting and likeness on individual figures.
2. He brought the irritating "variant" strategy, so popular among comic book collectors, into toys, so that for years afterward, and still today, toy fans are annoyed by impossible-to-find "chase" figures with slight variations in paint or sculpting.
3. He shattered the taboo, dating back to Kenner's 1979 Alien figure, against making action figures based on R-rated movies or adult material.
and later on,
4. He redefined "action" figure as a toy that didn't necessarily have useful articulation provided it's in an "action" pose. Many toy collectors would not have accepted this back in 1994, but now a surprising amount of them do (myself included).
While his biggest contribution overall may have been his sports figures -- the first to truly look like the people they're based on -- as far as toy collectors are concerned, it was probably Movie Maniacs, the first line to give us action figures of Freddy Krueger, Leatherface, Jason, and many other contemporary horror icons. Companies like N2 followed the lead with Mad Max and Matrix figures, while SOTA pushed things even further with Plastic Fantasy porn star toys.
Todd pushed the envelope further with a Clive Barker line, but not long after that there was a sense that he was becoming cliche. His "6 Faces of Madness" line based on real killers sounded controversial, but then the toys were actually revealed, featuring such deranged and unrealistic augmentations as a cyborg-style peg-leg on Jack the Ripper. Lately, it's become clear that to Todd, "twisted" means "zombies, spikes, and tattooed chicks with no clothes."
I happen to share his love of such things, so I have no complaints about the now-fully-revealed Twisted Fairy Tales: Candy-tat Gretel, tortured Hansel, maggot-eaten Humpty Dumpty, Bondage-rape Miss Muffett, Goth Queen Red Riding Hood, and Undead Pumpkin Eater
However, they do show a one-track mind at work. Now, imagine a company with sculpting on a par with McFarlane that actually used their imagination to come up with cool monsters.
Why, that'd be SOTA's Nightmares of Lovecraft line!
Behold Cthulhu,
and Ghoul
(anyone for sushi?)
Not content to own Todd's ass that way, they've also got their own line called "Now Playing" that competes with Movie Maniacs, and have snapped up two licenses Todd already had as well as several fans had begged him for. In addition to the previously announced Darkman, Toxic Avenger, Jeepers Creeper, Nightmared Demon, Killer Klown, and Imhotep the Mummy, they just now showed...
and Kurt Russell versus THE THING
Now, a bit more backstory: As part of the Movie Maniacs line, Todd initiated the idea of 18" action figures with sound. Then after a couple fo years, he dropped that scale completely, deciding 12" was better. Fans were bitter, and other companies heard them.
SOTA's first venture into the scale involves a character Todd had the rights to once:
Tim Curry as Darkness from LEGEND
However, the company that totally owns the 18" figure-with-sound category is NECA, featuring former McFarlane employees. They've even announced Robocop in that scale, which has to hurt because Todd actually has a Robocop license, just not for that size.
Also on the slate is an 18" Terminator
and announcements of Willy Wonka (Johnny Depp), American Psycho, FvJ Jason Voorhees, Sin City Marv (Mickey Rourke), Iron Maiden mascot "Eddie," and Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig).
Not that they won't take on McFarlane in his own scale as well.
They already have that DONNIE DARKO license everyone told Todd to get. The Tall Man from PHANTASM is finally coming too, as is a boxed set featuring HIGHLANDER (Christopher Lambert) versus KURGAN (Clancy Brown). Also more Freddy, Jason, and Leatherface.
What has Todd announced?
THE SIMPSONS
and a line based on the U.S. military.
Has Todd become too corporate?
Posted by LYT at 4:45 PM | Comments (3)
I thought I was all out of political outrage...
But then, the Swift Boat Veterans people put out ads accusing the AARP of being anti-soldier and pro-gay marriage, as part of a discrediting operation to push the Bush social security plan.
Yeah, those Republicans sure are the party of tolerance, all right. (Note: Only Republicans who have never lived in the South ever actually do claim that, but there are a lot of 'em out here)
Now back to the regularly scheduled talk about toys.
Posted by LYT at 1:50 PM | Comments (0)
Best Toy Fair Report Ever
...even if you don't care much for toys, Vitamin Steve's look at the lesser known brands is genius.
Posted by LYT at 12:15 AM | Comments (0)
February 21, 2005
Lost Review: This So-Called Disaster
[Every once in a while, a movie doesn't open as wide as it should, or at all, and a review I wrote for it never runs. When that movie resurfaces on DVD, I retrieve the review for your reading enjoyment -- or lack thereof -- right here]
Their So-Called Life
Michael Almereyda’s Disaster is anything but.
Recommending movies can at times be a tricky business, especially with a niche film like This So-Called Disaster, a documentary by Michael Almereyda (best known for the modern-day Hamlet movie with Ethan Hawke) about the directing of a play. For many, the play is the thing and the rehearsals of little interest, even when the actors involved are Nick Nolte, Sean Penn, James Gammon, Woody Harrelson and Cheech Marin. The writer and director of the play is Sam Shepard, well-known as an actor but not so often thought of as a writer outside of theater circles. In other words, this isn’t quite Looking For Richard -- many people have at least a passing familiarity with Shakespeare and Richard III, but the average filmgoer probably couldn’t tell you much about Shepard’s play The Late Henry Moss.
Regardless, if Henry Moss itself were made into a movie starring these same actors, it would likely be a hit; the play, we are told, sold out its entire four-week run in winter 2000. But the movie at hand is no stage drama -- it’s the making of a drama, of a production we’ll never even get to see that closed nearly four years ago. If that turns you off, well, consider yourself warned. If you’re a fan of the theater and theatrical process, however, the rewards of Almereyda’s film are copious and very much worth your while.
Shepard isn’t always as articulate in person as he is on the page. The film opens with him being asked what the challenges of writing and directing are, and in response he hems and haws and basically says nothing. While directing Penn and Nolte, there often seems to be something psychic going on, as the actual words coming from his mouth can be extremely vague, yet the actors somehow comprehend what he means. It’s gotta be a method thing.
As the film continues, however, Shepard gradually opens up. We learn that a great deal of his plays are about his alcoholic father, and often feature two estranged brothers, representing the dueling sides of Shepard’s own personality. His real dad died in 1984, and Shepard expresses hope that The Late Henry Moss -- which he says is about 75% to 80% autobiographical -- will be his last word on the subject.
For the benefit of those of us unfamiliar with the play, a little bit of background is given, but nothing is spoon-fed to us. Therefore, the following description could be a little off, but it seems that the play deals with two conflicting brothers (Penn and Nolte) who come together down in Mexico when they hear that their father Henry (Gammon) has died there. In Act II we get a look back at Henry when he was alive, and in Act III Henry is forced to realize that, although we see him up and about on the stage, he is in fact dead.
Shepard’s parental issues may be coming to a form of closure, but for Nick Nolte, they take (metaphorical) center stage when his mother dies during the course of rehearsals, and he comes down with pneumonia. When he called Shepard to try to bow out of rehearsal the next day, Nolte remembers the director responding, “Why don’t we just pretend none of it happened?” Ever the method man, Nolte complied and the show went on.
Not everything is so somber, however, despite the inherent gravity of the material. Watching these great actors do a “speed-thru” in which they deliver their lines rapidly and occasionally with absurd inflection, feels like a treat. At another point, Penn mocks Woody Harrelson’s performance in White Men Can’t Jump, prompting the latter to respond by praising Penn’s acting in Shanghai Surprise. And Penn recalls that he was first inspired to become an actor when Anthony Zerbe visited his high school on career day -- Zerbe’s zip-up boots so impressed the youngster that he decided he wanted to be in the same line of work to score some for himself.
These are the kinds of casual recollections one doesn’t normally hear on run-of-the-mill television interviews, which are normally conducted en masse in some hotel with the stars answering the same questions over and over. Almereyda (and Shepard, who shoots some of the footage himself) are a part of the gang, and bring the viewer into the fold to get the goods that a no-name reporter would never be privy to.
The pleasure of seeing great actors prepare for a play may not be everybody’s cup of tea, but if you have any kind of interest in that sort of thing, it’s a thrill and a half. So why does the movie have the word “disaster” in the title?
You’ll find out at the very end. Until then, the preparation’s the thing.
Posted by LYT at 7:16 PM | Comments (0)
Toy's Fair in love & war
As I claw my way back into the land of the living, I've been following the New York Toy Fair online, as I do every year. I'm actually quite happy that there's less and less stuff I want these days.
I think there's a bigger editorial to be written on the way McFarlane Toys is rapidly becoming irrelevent, but I'll save that for when I have more energy. In the meantime, enjoy some pictures of the new WWF/WWE wrestling lines due out later in the year. Plenty for old-school fans to enjoy.
Doink the Clown (I wouldn't call him a "Classic," but whatever. Can a Gobblygooker figure be far behind?)
ECW-era Rhino and WCW-era Ric Flair
ECW Stevie Richards and Four Horsemen Chris Benoit
Old-school tie-dye D-Von Dudley
WCW-era "Lionheart" Chris Jericho
ECW Rey Mysterio and classic Mullet-headed Eddie Guerrero
WCW Halloween Havoc Rey Mysterio in "Phantom" attire
History of the Undertaker 3-pack
Classic tag-team champions 3-pack, featuring Tito Santana, Nikolai Volkoff, and Marty Jannetty (this should really be called the "crappy sidekicks" pack, since every one of those three had a vastly superior partner -- Rick Martel, The Iron Sheik, and Shawn Michaels, respectively).
Classic champions 3-pack, featuring Bret Hart, The Rock, and Shawn Michaels.
CONTEMPORARY WWE:
New more articulated figure body, with ball-jointed hips, double-jointed kness, and mid-torso bend; possibly more added later.
Face-Flippin' fighters, with heads that flip out from inside the torso, done in a more urban vinyl style
Paul Heyman (who has NEVER, EVER been that thin) and Heidenreich
Posted by LYT at 4:17 PM | Comments (0)
February 20, 2005
RIP HST
Hunter S. Thompson, no relation, just shot himself.
Though I haven't read his stuff, I know I ought to. I did act in a student film, directed by one Justin Stone, that was loosely interpreted from Fear and Loathing.
His existence always struck me as a good thing. His loss, yet another suckage point for the Bush II years.
Posted by LYT at 10:28 PM | Comments (1)
Thunder all through the night, promise to see Jesus in the morning light
Thunderstorms for two straight days. Never seen that before.
Nothing else to report because I'm still sick, have difficulty focusing, and end up staring at the ceiling while fading in and out of consciousness.
Posted by LYT at 2:37 AM | Comments (2)
February 18, 2005
Even dream jobs like mine have bad days.
After a double-feature of kick-ass Asian action films yesterday, I was feeling good and thought my cold was ready to go into remission.
It wasn't. Quite the opposite, in fact. I woke up with a voice ten octaves lower than usual.
As a critic, you don't get to call in sick. I tried. I called every other critic I work with in hopes that they had either seen the movie I had to go watch at 11 a.m., or could see it today.
Those who were by their phones were either leaving town or hadn't seen it. Damn.
I called the publicist to see if I could get a tape. She said no, absolutely not. Distributors can be weird about this: They all are of the opinion, mostly justified, that a film plays better on the big screen. But this particular movie is an adaptation of a stage play, bereft of visual spectacle, and I was pretty damn sick. Still no dice.
I could have seen this movie a week ago, but I hadn't been assigned to review it at that point. And it was raining hard outside. And the screening was on the other side of town.
Keep in mind that when it rains, no car in Los Angeles is capable of going above second gear. And more cars come out, because even those few who actually walk in this town give it up.
So: 10 Freeway. Bad. Exit 10 Freeway at Robertson, drive to Pico. On Pico they've closed off a few lanes in order to cut down some trees. Also I was running low on gas by now.
It took an hour to get to Santa Monica. And then I went to the wrong screening room. Had I remembered that Artisan is now Lions Gate, I might not have messed up. But I went to the old MGM screening room instead. Asked the guy in the parking lot if it was Lions Gate.
"MGM" he said "They the same, right?"
No. It took several nos to convince him they weren't.
So I get to the movie, finally, a bit late. Certain other critics -- and I won't name names but Angelenoes probably know very well who I might mean -- would (a) demand the film be restarted and (b) be so pissed that it started before they got there that it would automatically get a bad review.
I asked politely if there were any chance I could watch the first five minutes again when the movie was done. It didn't happen, but I talked to some other viewers and they said I didn't miss much, describing everything that happened.
And I tried to like the movie. It has stretches of about 5 minutes or so that are decent, but it really isn't good. No missing five minutes could have made it better.
Insult to injury: The convenience store on my block was closed for yet another change-of-management party. So I can't get food unless I walk further or drive, and I don't feel up to that.
No-one ever takes care of me when I'm sick. I survive every time, but it makes me mad sometimes.
I'm not telling you what the movie is, sorry.
Posted by LYT at 10:57 PM | Comments (5)
February 17, 2005
Trailer for THE WOODS already done?
Just got word from Lucky that Fangoria linked to my WOODS review.
But if you follow that link, you'll find another tidbit -- apparently there's a trailer that's finished and will be included on the AMITYVILLE HORROR DVD (I assume this is a rerelease of the original, to build hype for the remake).
[UPDATE: Note that this is does NOT refer to the currently available Amityville DVD, but a special edition due out in April]
I've seen a rough cut of a trailer Lucky put together that was killer, but also too long for a trailer. Last fall, I also saw a proposed trailer that was totally cheesy and featured lots of "Mr. Voice" narration. I believe that one was mercifully rejected.
Judging by what the Fango piece says, this doesn't sound like a cheesy trailer. And the fact that it's been put together means it can't be too long now before the rest of you get to see it.
Posted by LYT at 2:02 PM | Comments (1)
Review quick take
Posted by LYT at 1:49 AM | Comments (0)
Neo Fight
A review of CONSTANTINE.
It may not be the first great movie of 2005, but it is certainly the first really entertaining one.
Oh, sure, if you have any friends who are comic-book geeks, you’ve heard the complaints. John Constantine as depicted in the Hellblazer comic is blond and English. His bleak worldview is a product of the Margaret Thatcher ‘80s. The movie will probably even have him give up his trademark cigarettes, much like the Nick Fury TV movie with David Hasselhoff had its hero quit cigars (unfortunately true, in both cases).
I’ve never read a Hellblazer comic, though I’ve enjoyed Constantine’s cameos in other DC/Vertigo books like Swamp Thing. I hate smokers, yet will admit that having Constantine quit the habit is like Superman ditching the whole cape thing. But the fact is that Constantine the movie works extremely well on its own terms. If you’re totally married to the comic book, I’ve got one word for ya: Elseworlds. For those not in the know, that word signifies a complete restructuring of a character into an alternate reality without affecting current continuity one iota. Besides, the George W. Bush decade here in the U.S. is starting to look a whole lot like the Thatcher ‘80s in England.
The rap on Keanu Reeves is that he’s a bad actor, which isn’t quite true -- he’s a pretty good actor within a very limited range. No-one questions the notion that he can play “spaced out.” Here, he plays pissed-off, and it works well; the only other time he’s done that that I can recall was in The Gift, and he was saddled with an unfortunate (but hilarious) Southern accent there. Perhaps after reading the Matrix Revolutions reviews he got into character. Or maybe he just listened to the comic fanboys complain about him.
As John Constantine, he’s basically an R-rated version of Van Helsing, exorcising errant halfbreed demons not to protect humanity, but because he sees it as a numbers game that might ultimately redeem his soul from the mortal sin he committed a few years back. Among his weapons are a crucifix shotgun and Jesus-brand brass knuckles. All he’s missing is the Holy Hand Grenade.
As is par for the course for most religious-based supernatural thrillers, little mention is made of redemption through Jesus, nor does he appear, though Satan does. Most likely this is because screenwriters hate to put words in Christ’s mouth. No-one’s going to complain if Satan gets maligned, however. Interestingly, many supernatural characters seem to have English accents -- among them Tilda Swinton as an androgynous angel and Bush singer Gavin Rossdale as a demon (like, duh!) -- which only serves to rub it in that Constantine isn’t, at least in this telling.
There are many nice scenes throughout, which one might not expect from a first-time feature director like Francis Lawrence. A possessed man walking through a field of cattle, which promptly drop dead as he approaches. A demon made up entirely of bugs. Constantine’s trip to hell via the eyes of a cat (cats, apparently, have aspects of both heaven and hell in their very DNA). Fans of Clive Barker will find much to appreciate here, especially those disappointed by the movie version of Lord of Illusions.
On the negative side, Shia LaBeouf is out of place as the wise-cracking sidekick, much as he was in I, Robot. Like Keanu, he’s a decent actor but only in the right circumstances, which these aren’t. And the movie’s very last scene (pre-credits; there’s one more after) rankles; it smacks of Hollywood ending in a film that’s otherwise been pretty balls-to-the-wall (though not as balls-to-the-wall as the average Vertigo comic; baby steps).
Here’s hoping that in the sequel, Constantine becomes a major ass again. He’s no fun as a nice guy.
Posted by LYT at 12:05 AM | Comments (1)
February 16, 2005
Peppered beef
A review of the new soda, Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper.
This has to be the first time I've had a Dr. Pepper and known what flavor it's supposed to be approximating. Ever notice the best sodas are like that? Coke, Mountain Dew, Dr. P...they may be based upon something in theory, but they don't really taste like anything that occurs in nature, which is why they kick the collective ass of Sprite and 7up, which are flavored like actual lemons and limes.
Urban legends have suggested that Dr. Pepper was originally concocted as a type of suicide mix (several flavors mixed) or that it's supposed to taste like prunes. All I do know is that Diet Dr. Pepper is the best diet drink for impersonating its sugared cousin, and this new one is supposed to taste like cherry vanilla.
Funny thing is, it tastes just the same as normal Diet Dr. P to me. Granted, I have a cold, but my nose isn't blocked -- it's an aching/sore throat cold. I challenge anyone to do a blind taste test and tell me what's new about this.
Posted by LYT at 9:35 PM | Comments (1)
Screnwriter-turned-blogger Roger L. Simon says plays are harder than journalism
Having done both, I heartily disagree.
Here's what Roger says:
"I think there is an unwritten story in the present blog/MSM controversy regarding Eason Jordan. Journalists are jealous of bloggers. Some of them very jealous. And I am not saying this just because if you type "Jeff Jarvis" into Google you get 397,000 links and if you type "Steve Lovelady" (the Dorothy Parker wannabe who recently called us "salivating morons") you get 804. Many of the more prominent bloggers are people who could have been journalists but chose not to, going into professions that took more professional training and/or were more remunerative. Now they can afford to blog at their leisure and, not surprisingly, they're pretty good writers and journalists. And, also not surprisingly, many journalists are pissed off."
-Actually, I'd say the only thing Roger really gets right here is that bloggers do their thing at their leisure. Because hardly anyone's gonna pay somebody to vent partisan opinions online, where anyone else can do so. "Many of the more prominent bloggers are people who could have been journalists but chose not to"? Actually, most of them are legit journalists that I can think of. Kaus, Alterman, Welch...Reynolds is a law professor, of course. I think Roger is projecting his own motivations onto everyone here.
"I have my own story in this regard. I thought about being a journalist, even about attending Columbia "J" School, but decided to pursue playwriting, although I knew it was far more difficult (hey, get serious!). After I graduated from Yale Drama without really learning how to write plays (truly difficult indeed - and can't really be taught anyway), I wound up writing novels and screenplays for a living (both difficult enough). When I was still starting out, I wrote a couple of journalistic pieces for West Magazine, a defunct organ of the LAT. Wow, this is easy, I thought (compared to what I was trying to do), but then I saw the check. It was miniscule next to what I was getting, admittedly intermittently, from Hollywood. Why even bother?"
-I wrote a full-length play in high school. I trained to be a film-maker, and sold a screenplay right out of college. Later, I ended up in journalism. Why do screenplays pay more? Because they're 90+ pages long!. Actual journalism stories are like 1500 words. Duh.
As for scripts being harder, other than the length involved, I disagree. Scripts can come from your head. Journalism has to have sources. Roger's been writing opinion pieces too long to remember how hard actual journalism is. No shit, Hollywood pays more. Hollywood is worldwide -- the LA Times is not.
"Please understand- I am not disdaining non-fiction writing. It is a great craft and presents its own problems. But they are on a different level. There is a reason David E. Kelley makes a gazillion dollars and you never heard of Steve Lovelady until he attacked blogs."
-Yes. It's called "TV has a bigger audience than print journalism." Double duh. Most Americans don't read any more.
Salary is not always commensurate with importance of job. If it were, teachers would get paid the most.
Posted by LYT at 3:56 AM | Comments (0)
Whooz Nuts? Deez Nuts!
Lucky McKee and Kevin Ford shill for Corn Nuts
Posted by LYT at 1:50 AM | Comments (0)
Change is coming, sometime
It was always my plan for an updated website to debut soon, but the archival fuckup has accelerated the process.
Suffice it to say that it is my solemn hope that by the time March comes to a close, LYTrules.com will have a facelift, a new blog program, an RSS feed, a photoblog, possibly some blogads, and more.
I'm being tremendously optimistic given the business of my webmasters' lives, but I guess what I'm basically saying to all you fine readers is "Hang in there."
(If anyone tech-savvy wants to aid and abet the process, e-me)
Posted by LYT at 12:46 AM | Comments (0)
Because talk radio isn't right wing enough...
Michael Moore has a copy of the latest want ad from Fox News -- they're starting a radio network now.
Granted, Moore has an agenda -- but this is a real ad, far as I can tell.
Posted by LYT at 12:00 AM | Comments (0)
February 15, 2005
Superman is a Dick
A National Lampoon writer assembles an exhaustive collection of actual comic book covers featuring Superman being an asshole.
There's A LOT TO LOOK AT, but it's worth it. Some great laughs to be had.
(Thanks, Mr. Plow, for the heads-up!)
Posted by LYT at 5:02 PM | Comments (0)
MTV doesn't think suicide is painless
(Warning: This post conatins "spoilers" regarding the Fozzy video "Enemy." If you have not seen it, you can watch it on ifilm or yahoo launch. I'm in it. I've told you this. So I have no sympathy if the spoilers bother you. Nyah.)
My colleague Paul Hough is upset. He watched the premiere of his music video on MTV2 only to find out they'd snipped off the ending.
The plot of the video is as follows: A one-legged man enters a tall building to find that the elevator is broken. He hauls his way up the stairs, and as he does so, is haunted by visions of the woman who betrayed him. He makes it to the top (where Fozzy happen to be performing), crawls to the edge, and throws himself off the roof.
Unfortunately, it seems that MTV has a policy against showing depictions of suicide. So now he only crawls to the edge. There's no point to the journey, and the story has no arc.
One must presume that MTV has this policy as a result of some of the heavy metal lawsuits in the '80s. Judas Priest, Metallica, and Ozzy Osbourne were among the rockers accused of promoting suicide in their lyrics, and causing actual suicide in their listeners.
Still, is it MTV's job to be a babysitter? If Fozzy want to risk similar suits (which would be unlikely to be filed nowadays, and even less likely to succeed), shouldn't it be on them? MTV has the right, and the mandate, to ensure that their programming is FCC-safe, but suicide hasn't been a taboo topic on TV for as long as I can remember.
Technically, one could argue that Jesus committed suicide. By most accounts, he could have saved himself but didn't. Judas is certainly described as killing himself, and Judas has been portrayed on TV.
MTV is a private company that can do whatever they want, but it's still kinda asshole-ish to trim a video without consulting its director.
As I told Paul, though, posterity will preserve the director's cut. As will ifilm and yahoo launch.
Posted by LYT at 4:50 PM | Comments (0)
February 14, 2005
Respecting the Fans
I've added a new category to the links page -- fan sites. Two and a half years ago, when I started this site, none of my friends had fan sites. Now they do, and more are likely coming. Plus I'm getting more famous friends, too.
If you have a fan site for a friend of mine, let me know and I'll most likely add it. Candidates for fan sites include, but are not limited to...
-me (not that there could be a bigger fansite than the one you're reading right now)
-UNTIL THE NIGHT/MAD COWGIRL peeps, e.g. Norman Reedus, Devon Odessa, Douglas Dunning, Gregory Hatanaka
-The Lucky McKee circle, e.g. Kevin Ford, Chris Sivertson, Jaye Luckett, Marc Senter, Angela Bettis
-Journo-colleagues, e.g. Amy Alkon, Mickey Kaus, Matt Welch, Cathy Seipp
Posted by LYT at 6:01 PM | Comments (3)
For Valentine's Day, two beautiful girls
Zeta and Jaz
Posted by LYT at 1:00 PM | Comments (3)
Cupid's Mistakes
3,000 hits a day and I still can't get a date. Today sucks.
As a means of marking time, it reminds me that it's been exactly a year since my last great date. 15.5 months since I last got laid.
I wasn't expecting to be this bothered by the whole thing. But working on a movie set with gorgeous babes in both cast and crew just seems to emphasize how I am not intimate with one. The Speed Dating failure was the crushing blow, though. I thought that if women who might normally not talk to me were pushed into a situation where they did, they'd see that I'm all right.
Instead, their filters remained absolutely intact.
The most common "advice" I get is "be yourself." The second most common advice I get more or less boils down to "don't be yourself." (change your interests, change your appearance, etc.)
Third most common is "It'll happen when you're least expecting it." This is absolutely true -- at least as regards my very limited experience -- but it's really hard to get in a situation where you don't think about it.
I don't even have any single friends to have mutual bitchfests with any more. All the hardcore holdouts seem to have finally found salvation. Except me, of course.
I won't be that surprised if, when all the projects I'm working on right now finally come to fruition, people come out of the woodwork wanting to endear themselves to me. Despite my integrity, I will probably indulge all groupies.
You're missing out on a catch right now, this shamelessly whining and pathetic post excepted. However high I may be on myself, I could be even higher on you.
But you don't care.
i know mine are the tears i never cry
i know mine is the love i must deny.
Posted by LYT at 12:27 AM | Comments (5)
February 12, 2005
Photos from the party I was at last night
Photoblogger Swayframe, possibly soon to be an extra in MAD COWGIRL if she emails me, took THIS ONE of the new tat, now all done with scabbing.
And Emmanuelle Richard took THIS ONE of me with Swayframe and Amy Alkon. Note that I'm modeling the newest of my Cafepress tees.
Emmanuelle thought I didn't look happy enough in the picture. I think I look satisfied in a stoic kind of a way.
French TV cameras were there, so word to the French familie Parisien -- supposedly this footage will wind up on "the French version of 60 Minutes," whatever that might be called.
Almost everyone there seemed to be in couples. This is more and more the way when I hang out with friends these days. Most were freaked out by the new tattoo, except Amy, who always loves shocking things as long as they don't involve people urinating on her property.
By the way, I'd like to clarify something, and I may add this to the FAQ. "LYT" is to be pronounced aloud as "ell-why-tee," not "lit" or "light" (though my fans are called LYTerati, and that would be pronounced "literati." And I can't stop you from saying it any way you want, but this is the right way.)
Same reason the patriarch of the Ewing family is called "J.R.", pronounced "Jay Are," not "Jurrr." They are my initials -- it is equally incorrect to write my name "Lyt.". The only reason I don't usually write "LYT" with periods after each letter is because URLs don't do that.
And that's "You-Are-Ell," not "Earl."
Posted by LYT at 9:15 PM | Comments (1)
February 10, 2005
Speed 2: Cruiser Control [updated]
Due to various admonitions not to be late, I arrived at WeHo restaurant/bar Lola's about 20 minutes early for the speed-dating deal. Forgoing the valet parking -- it's best never to park at a bar if you can avoid it, because that way if you're still not ready to drive at closing time, you can walk around a bit -- I found a good street parking space, and headed to the back room where the deal was gonna go down.
Three gorgeous ladies there already, but they were just HurryDate employees, not participants. Dang.
Drink specials for $5, and a bartender with a huge Wu-Tang Clan tattoo on his bicep. Cool.
Other guys started to trickle in. Mostly guys. They seem pretty careful about balancing the genders online, but here in L.A., RSVPs are no guarantee of attendance, even when people have paid in advance.
After three drinks my nerves were calmer, but I decided not to calm them all the way. A little nervousness can be quite useful.
The room was filling up now. We got name tags with an assigned number on them.
It was becoming easier and easier to stereotype the guys. Most were either (a) guys going prematurely bald, and sporting crewcuts to compensate; or (b) 30-ish, soft-spoken Asian guys. Only a couple of dudes other than myself didn't fit this group. I noticed one of the names on the list was Christian Ristow -- as that's not a common name, I assume this must be the L.A. avant-garde artist who builds giant robots that shoot fire at and have mechanical sex with each other. You'd think that guy would have no trouble getting dates.
The groudn rules are these: people pair off at 26 tables, each of which is marked with a different letter of the alphabet. After 5 minutes, a whistle is blown and all the men stand up and move along to the next letter. This proceeds until the first "A" guy ends up at "Z."
You are given a scorecard with everyone's number on it. There you can circle "yes" or "no." That was all I did with it, but it seemed like most of the women were actually writing down names on it as well.
There were less women than men, which leads to "dead spots" where a guy can be sitting for five minutes with no female at all. These allow for bathroom breaks or more drink orders.
The guy who was before me in the rotation seemed nice -- we had conversed prior to starting. The guy after me seemed a bit of a lothario, so that mgiht have helped my case.
As for the women -- frankly, I wouldn't turn down any of them. They were all both nice and attractive. I only circled no once on my card, and that was because there was no conversational chemistry happening. None of the ladies here seemed like the desperate or undatable type. The same cannot be said for the guys, I'm afraid, but again, maybe that's good for me, or just says something about me, not sure which.
Most of the women were like pros -- they clearly know that men like to talk about themselves. Even when I consciously tried to turn it back to them, they'd keep up rapid-fire questions on me rather than them. It generally seemed like just when I'd finally start to know the interesting stuff about them ("I'm an attorney for homeland security!"), time would be up.
A disproportionate number were L.A.-born, and in the legal profession. I guess male lawyers must make lousy dates. Or guys don't wanna date successful career women (I'd be totally fine with that -- I want my woman to be a success, however she defines it).
Nearly everyone asked "Where are you from?" I'm not good with this question, since by most people's definition of "from," I'm from Ireland -- but I'm not Irish, unless perhaps you trace the Thompson family waaaay back, and I mean way back, because there were Thompsons on the Mayflower.
Then they might ask where my parents live, and I have to get into "Well, my dad splits his time between North Carolina and France because my stepmom doesn't like living in America but my dad can't get a job in Paris..." I guess this is good practice for press junkets when I'm a big star an' shit. My family history bores me at this point, but maybe it entertains others. I just feel like I'm giving a long-winded answer to a question that's strictly a politeness question, like "How are you?" No-one really wants to know how you are -- they're just giving you a greeting.
Also you have to speak up to be heard over everyone else, which can be tiring -- only in one instance did I not hear much of what my counterpart was saying, though.
Amazing also how many women asked point-blank how old I was. I thought that was an impolitic question, unless you're dating a teen and want to be sure she's legal. I don't mind yet because I'm not super-old, but men know never to ask a woman that same question. Though I did, only if they asked first.
At 7:30 tonight the matches will all be posted and I'll see if anyone liked me.
UPDATE AS OF 7:30: None of them liked me. Fuckers. [maybe the one I didn't pick liked me -- but no-one else did]
Posted by LYT at 3:23 PM | Comments (7)
February 9, 2005
Review Update
"The filmmakers proudly boast that there were no wires, computer effects, or stunt doubles used, and if they hadn't proclaimed it, you'd never have believed it -- Jaa's hang time is akin to that of Michael Jordan circa 1987, or Carrie-Anne Moss in a Matrix harness."
the rest HERE
"The musical numbers are fairly infrequent, and the fact that most are in English rather than Hindi turns out to be a detriment. Watching a Bollywood film, one hears the exotic music and sees the erotic dance and assumes it must be saying something cool. Here, the lyrics are exposed as trite, and the attempt to Hollywoodize them yields a result no better than the most mediocre of show tunes."
the rest HERE
Quick take on THE WORK AND THE GLORY
CityBeat's website isn't quite up to date, so here are my reviews for them of a couple movies:
#BOOGEYMAN#
As a young boy, Tim Jensen sees, or thinks he sees, his father being sucked into the closet by a computer-generated shadow thing, never to return. As an adult (Barry Watson, of “Sorority Boys”), he’s been told that it was just his way of dealing with abandonment issues, but he maintains a fear of closets nonetheless, a fear he has apparently never told his fiancée (Tory Mussett), who is constantly left to wonder why she’s always finding him in a state of shock.
So when Tim’s mother dies, he starts to suspect the Boogeyman all over again, and decides to cure himself of his fears by spending the night...alone...in his haunted childhood home. Bad idea. This Boogeyman never got the post-”Monsters, Inc.” memo that laughs are better than screams, though his ability to warp time and space between closet doors is similar to that of Mike Wazowski and Sulley.
Produced by Sam Raimi, “Boogeyman” borrows a trick or two from the Japanese horror playbook (dark flowing water, white-faced spooks) along with some gratuitously cheap tricks (a crow hitting the windshield, which serves no greater plot purpose) to create an effectively creepy atmosphere. While the Boogeyman remains off-camera, the power of suggestion proves effective. Unfortunately, he has to show his face eventually...but by that time, Eric Kripke’s generally smart story has been chopped into incoherence in what feels like a forced attempt to just end things quickly. The movie’s worth a look for cheap thrills, but it’s no classic. By February-movie standards, that ain’t so bad.
#THE WEDDING DATE#
It’s amazing no-one thought of it sooner -- take “Pretty Woman” and switch the genders. Money in the bank, right? Not quite. The first problem “The Wedding Date” runs into is that the whole “converting a hooker” fantasy skews mainly male. The second is that the film-makers neglected the other aspect of “Pretty Woman”, which is that it also fulfilled the female fantasy of finding a rich man who also happens to be handsome, charming, and willing to live with you happily ever after. Debra Messing’s Kat gets a different female fantasy fulfilled in this movie, the one about making an ex-flame jealous by showing up to a wedding with a hot guy, and she co-opts the male fantasy of seducing a sex worker.
But what’s in it for the guy? How many men do you know who dream of abandoning a career seducing beautiful women for money in order to be with one who’s shrill, neurotic, and seemingly disliked by much of her family?
Then again, Nick (Dermot Mulroney) isn’t exactly a dreamboat himself -- for a man-whore, he looks a bit shopworn. Nevertheless, when he tells Kat “I’d rather fight with you than make love with anyone else,” one is tempted to remind screenwriter Dana Fox of Harrison Ford’s “Star Wars”-era admonition to George Lucas: You can write this shit, but you sure can’t say it.
Posted by LYT at 11:58 PM | Comments (0)
Watch LOST IN THE BUSH for free!
The entire movie, featuring me in a supporting role, alongside more famous friends like Eddie Steeples (TORQUE), Shelli Merrill (ALL CHEERLEADERS DIE), Jaye Barnes-Luckett (MAY), Chris Sivertson (THE LOST), etc. can now be downloaded HERE
This is a fully authorized and legal download courtesy of writer/director/cinematographer Kevin Ford. You are not "stealing" in any way by watching it in this manner, and it doesn't cost a thing.
Not recommended for dial-up connections, however.
Posted by LYT at 2:47 PM | Comments (1)
Technical meltdown
Don't bother trying to get into archived posts for the time being.
Also, if any of my readers are tech-savvy enough to deal with the Greymatter blog program, I really need your help. Webmaster #1 has exhausted all his options. Webmaster #2 -- not sure what he knows about Greymatter, but I await word.
All this because I tried to add one hyperlink and missed a quote mark while copying and pasting. Seriously.
Posted by LYT at 2:17 PM | Comments (0)
RING around the roses
I just watched the prequel and sequel to the Japanese version of THE RING, a.k.a. RINGU. All this in preparation for part 2 of the American version, which will not specifically be based on either. But if you're wondering if you should rent them, read on (no major spoilers, unless you haven't seen the first one)...
Firstly, you may want to know where I stand on RINGU and its Hollywood remake. While on balance I think THE RING has a slight edge, in that it's more consistently scary, I believe both movies complement each other well. THE RING has a cooler look to it, more shocks, and also cribs liberally from DARK WATER. RINGU, on the other hand, has a better explained plot (with some elements like psychic powers that play better in Japan than here), and doesn't make the mistake of ever showing us Sadako's face, save for that one fucked-up eye. THE RING's Samara is a lot less scary once you know that she used to be cute li'l Daveigh Chase.
As for the spin-offs: I'd say don't waste your time with RINGU 2. All the cool stuff is at the very end, but until then you're stuck with lots of talk, as a bunch of new characters figure out all the same stuff that was already deduced in the first film. The coolest sequence in this sequel appears, judging by the trailers, to be duplicated in the U.S. sequel. The opening sequence, set in a mortuary, was more or less ripped off for the ending of the American version of THE GRUDGE (whose poster also ripped off RINGU's).
RINGU 0, on the other hand, is well worth your time. I'd advocate an American remake if it weren't already so similar to movies like CARRIE and MAY. It achieves the near impossible, first by taking a character you've learned to fear and making her sympathetic and poignant; second, by twisting that around and walloping you with something you really didn't expect, which is especially hard given that it's a prequel and you ostensibly know how things turn out. It's both moving and scary, with characters the viewer can genuinely care about. LYT sez check it out.
Posted by LYT at 1:16 AM | Comments (4)
February 8, 2005
Need for Speed
I'm doing speed-dating for the first time tomorrow night. Basically, you get to talk to some 20-odd women, but only for 5 minutes apiece.
I'm not great at introductory small-talk. Anyone have some ideas on what to talk about in 5 minutes only?
Posted by LYT at 11:14 PM | Comments (4)
Hollywood star trek
It recently came to my attention that my MAD COWGIRL costar Walter Koenig does not have a star on the Hollywood walk of fame.
Granted, not everyone can have one. But his is a particularly grievous ommission since every other major cast member on "the show" has one but Walter.
Walter even showed up for STAR TREK GENERATIONS when most of the other cast did not or would not (only Shatner and Doohan joined him).
Help Walter get the star he deserves. Check out THIS SITE and see how you can help.
Posted by LYT at 8:20 PM | Comments (0)
In 3-Dimension
This is for all the fans of THE LOLLIPOP GIRLS IN HARD CANDY (I just ensured 50 more hits by typing that)...
The 3-d porn epic is playing at the Nuart this Friday night at midnight. It will be the fully uncensored cut, and not the bowdlerized version that appears on my commentary DVD as "M-3D: the Movie."
Bill Margold and Douglas Dunning are expected to attend. No WWE theme music is anticipated.
Posted by LYT at 5:48 PM | Comments (0)
LYT appearance in February's "8 Ball"
I've heard that some people in the Press Club think that I appear in their newsletter too often. To which I say, make yourself look distinctive and show up to a lot of events, and you can give me a run for my money.
Till then, SHAAAAAADDDUP!
Anyway, to sse me in the latest ish, CLICK HERE and scroll down (it's a pdf file, so you need Acrobat).
Posted by LYT at 12:45 PM | Comments (0)
February 7, 2005
The search
So, yesterday I was hangin' with my web guy, and in addition to making an extremely homoerotic short film during superbowl halftime, we logged onto this site and checked the stats.
The good news is I have a lot more readers than I thought.
The surprising news is that a majority seem to bookmark the message board page rather than any other (a surprise given how few people actually post there). Also, more people come here from Cathy Seipp's site than any other on my links page.
Now for the amusing news. Many readers come here using search engines. Wanna know what they were actually searching for?
1. kathleen robertson (not too surprising, that)
2. www.lytrules.com/weblog (why would someone search for this without knowing where it was?)
3. ex girlfriend (?)
4. god hates (yes he does, if you believe his major spokespeople)
5. govindini murty (congrats to the searchers that spelled her name correctly)
6. lollipop girls in hard candy (this always comes up. I swear, I get more hits just for having reviewed this film...)
7. lytrules woods (no surprise)
8. norman reedus (also no surprise)
9. snoop dog rape (Weird...I haven't written about that, but I suppose each word appears somewhere)
10. wwe theme music
11. 3-d porn (those lollipop girls again)
12. 7up gold (I miss that soda)
13. al qaeda action figure (yep, I posted on that topic once)
14. batista entrance theme (wwe reference)
15. female serial killers (Countess Bathory?)
16. how many wives did ray charles have (someone doesn't know how to narrow down search parameters)
17. the lollipop girls in hard candy (see what I mean?)
18. braided pubic hair (this had me confused for a while. But as far as this site goes, it refers to a scene in SCARY MOVIE)
19. buff carrot top ( a fetish, maybe?)
20. chris jericho on mtv2 (this I get)
21. chris mcgurk (who? sounds familiar)
22. erik instinski (Matt King's cousin in the marines)
23. grizzly bear sounds (???)
24. kane wwe music (doesn't anyone else write about wwe music?)
25. lollipop girls (notice a trend?)
26. lord of the rings crossbow uruk-hai -toy (minus toy? Can't imagine how else I'd have mentioned it)
27. lyt (yeah, baby!)
28. mad cowgirl sarah lassez (double yeah!)
29. tattoo and the beliefs (?)
30. thank you cutting board (yes, thank you cutting board)
LYTrules.com, your all 3-D porn and WWE theme tunes website, all the time!
Posted by LYT at 7:49 PM | Comments (3)
February 4, 2005
EXCLUSIVE: First review anywhere of Lucky McKee's THE WOODS completed cut (updated 2-7-05)
Never before in my reviewing career have I had the opportunity to follow a project from the earliest script and concept art stages to final produced film, but in the case of THE WOODS, I?ve watched from the beginning. I read the script before the deal was done, I saw tapes of the auditions, I visited the set for the final two weeks of shooting, and I?ve seen it evolve in post-production as the result of different edits and new dialogue recording.
As regular readers know, the director has been a friend of mine for ten years. Jaye Barnes-Luckett, who composed three of the songs you?ll hear onscreen, is not just a friend but also a former bandmate and room-mate. And since the shoot, actress Lauren Birkell has also become a good friend. So it isn?t exactly likely or possible that I would or could ever hate the movie, though I should note that MGM/UA have not paid me a dime to plant praise (my trip to the set was paid for entirely by me), and, as I write this review, I do so without the knowledge of anyone there.
Lauren Birkell, Jaye Barnes-Luckett, and Agnes Bruckner shortly after the shoot wrapped.
That said, I didn?t think this movie could possibly surprise me. But the new cut managed exactly that.
It?s okay to be suspicious of what I?m saying. I know that the only reviews to leak out of the test screening last year were pretty bad. Let me first address what has changed since then:
-The test screening featured a deliberately ?shocking? ending that wasn?t in the script, but rather, creatively assembled by re-contextualizing existing footage. That ending is gone now.
-The special effects are finished
-The sound mix is finished, which is a huge, huge thing. Throughout the film, the sounds of creaking and branches and wind blowing through the trees and creepy whispers that could almost be the voices in your head do not let up, and that?s extremely effective.
-Early hype for THE WOODS focused on Bruce Campbell, which in hindsight may have been a mistake. He is in the movie, but in a supporting role. Reading those early reviews, I got the impression that some people were angry because they expected to see Bruce kick ass against monsters again. Not only does he not...he pretty much gets his ass handed to him. This isn?t EVIL DEAD 4. Agnes Bruckner and Patricia Clarkson are the stars.
-the origin story behind those mysterious woods has changed a little bit, to be less needlessly complex.
-the editing is radically different. Events happen in a different order, and scenes are interspliced that were not before, significantly upping the tension and quickening the pace.
-scenes that didn?t make the first cut have been added back in, all for the good.
-the use of color timing also has a major impact on the new cut.
Now, what will fans of MAY think? My first reaction, on seeing the first dailies of THE WOODS, was how remarkable it was that cinematographer John Leonetti managed to capture the same kind of Argento-esque feel that Steve Yedlin did in MAY. Clearly Lucky McKee has a certain visual style that he favors. Plotwise, I was worried about THE WOODS? ability to connect with the fans when I saw the earlier cuts, but this new one leaves no doubt that there will be a rabid following for it. How big that following will be, I can?t say. But I think it will grow over time.
Director of Photography John R. Leonetti
Where MAY was an allegory for the difficulty of finding love, THE WOODS is an allegory for adolescence. Heather Fasulo (Agnes Bruckner) is no shrinking violet or cracked psyche; she?s a cocky wanna-be ?bad girl? who always has a sarcastic quip at the ready. Yet her world is anything but stable: Mom (Emma Campbell, who?s no relation to Bruce) is a shrewish social climber who seems to want nothing to do with the task of child raising, and Dad (Bruce Campbell) is an ineffective weakling. To top it all off, Heather constantly hears voices, and apparently has a penchant for setting fires. So she?s unloaded to boarding school, at a place called Falburn Academy, in the middle of the woods. Here, Heather is going to realize very explicitly that she is not in control of anything, and only after she?s been broken down will she realize that her apparent weaknesses are actually her biggest strengths. I think every creative type person can relate to that theme; how many of us were tormented or isolated in high school and college for the very things that now propel us upward? I guess none of us had to reckon with evil spirits, though we may have thought we did.
Agnes Bruckner encounters an evil spirit.
Patricia Clarkson, playing headmistress Miss Traverse, nicely straddles the line between substitute mother figure and possible monster, right up until the point that her allegiances are made absolutely clear. The other teachers, however, threaten to steal the show. I don?t recall all their names, but Marcia Bennett as Miss MacKinaw is likely to stick in most peoples? minds, with her quavery voice and drastic facial twitch.
Marcia Bennett, smiling as her character never does.
Regarding the other girls, well, Lauren Birkell is very good indeed as Heather?s nerdy friend Marcy, but in the current cut of the film, you don?t quite get the sense of the range Lauren?s capable of (expect a long and fruitful career from her -- you heard it here first). Rachel Nichols is hilarious as school bully Samantha, and whoever did her hair is a master coiffer. To reveal too much about Kathleen Mackey?s performance would be to spoil, but I?ll remind you that she was the nekkid vengeful ghost girl in GOTHIKA, and is way more frightening here.
I do have one or two minor quibbles. The film is set in 1965, but it doesn?t need to be -- all the date really does is explain why Mrs. Fasulo dresses like Jackie O, and that could be explained just by saying she?s eccentric. As a result of the date, I noticed two apparent anachronisms -- the first is that Marcy?s radio has tiny earpieces like those on contemporary iPods; where they really making them that small in the ?60s? The other is when Heather at one point utters the phrase, ?They totally lied!? Sounds more like modern slang than retro, though I guess one could make a case that it?s vaguely grammatical.
Another issue that may be just for me is that there?s one scene where new dialogue has been given to a particular character, so to get around lip-synch issues she has her hair hanging over her face in almost every shot used. I notice because I?ve seen more than one cut -- you may not.
The soundtrack is a revelation. If you?re like me, you?re a faggy rainbow-hair heeh heeh heeh...I mean, wait, if you?re like me, you may know the name of Leslie Gore as the singer of ?It?s my party, and I?ll cry if I want to.? I don?t like that song at all, but Lucky?s dad is a longtime fan of her other work, and some vastly superior songs from her oeuvre have been put to good use in THE WOODS -- ?Young and Foolish?, ?He Said Goodbye?, and most prominently ?You Don?t Own Me? which in the film features a new harmonic choral track put together by Jaye, who did the MAY soundtrack. It?s a 180 degree shift from her work on MAY, as is another choral number that becomes key to the plot. Fans of Jaye?s pop n? roll style, however, should keep their ears out for a more standard number that plays in the background of another scene. Back to Leslie Gore, though -- this is the sort of rediscovery of her work that?s on a par with Tim Burton?s use of Calypso in BEETLEJUICE.
And speaking of MAY, see if you can recognize Angela Bettis? voice on the soundtrack. I didn?t, and I know her. But maybe you will.
I realize I haven?t discussed the plot much -- it?s really too early to go into a lot of detail, I think, besides which this is more of a mood piece anyway. But if I had to compare THE WOODS to another movie, it?d be Neil Jordan?s THE COMPANY OF WOLVES. Make of that what you will, and if you?re a horror fan who hasn?t seen that flick, do.
As for the Chin, the great Bruce Campbell...He has some really good scenes. But none of them involves chainsaws, zombies, or him being in charge of things. Let the guy stretch a bit.
Also there?s no nudity. Many of the girls weren?t quite legal, ya sickos.
ADDENDUM: Apparently, some readers didn't think I made my feelings toward the movie clear enough -- maybe my comparisons to Argento and Neil Jordan mean nothing because you're either not familiar with them or imagine that I might somehow not have a high opinion of them. Let me spell it out: THIS IS ONE DAMN FINE MOVIE. I had an adrenaline surge afterwards. The constant sound of the woods, the deliberate harshness of the editing, the voices in your head...all these kept me on edge the entire time.
As for the script -- I still don't quite understand what the deal is with balancing the stones. Never did. But the characters are nicely done even when the story gets abstract.
Posted by LYT at 6:29 PM | Comments (18)
February 3, 2005
Pre-order UNTIL THE NIGHT on DVD
It's up now at Amazon, including all-new cover-art
Posted by LYT at 5:09 PM | Comments (4)
Review Update part 2
CityBeat have overhauled their website and it's now legible. Also, I have two major articles in there this week.
The first is the lead review, because Andy's taking a rare vacation. I compare/contrast Hide and Seek, Alone in the Dark, and Fascination. A sample:
"Unfortunately, there aren’t enough laughs to justify Hide and Seek even on cheeseball grounds. Alone in the Dark hits a lot closer to the mark, beginning with an opening text crawl that’s read aloud and goes on for some nine paragraphs. It’s like the verbal equivalent of the mothership at the beginning of Spaceballs, and it’s total nonsense to boot, all about some fictional Indian tribe called the Abkani, who somehow opened a portal to a realm of monsters, which have something to do with a scientific experiment to turn people into zombies."
whole thing is HERE
And then -- remember when I was soliciting (or trying to solicit and failing) readers who played sports video games? This story is why:
"Hans Christoph, a personal trainer and manager of the power smoothie/exercise store bodyfactory, was pretty blunt when asked about health benefits from intense gameplay: 'Absolutely none whatsoever. If your body is complacent and neutral, you’re advancing none of your muscles, except maybe a mental aspect, so basically it requires you to be lazy.'"
more HERE
It's a very Cathy Seipp-ish piece, in that I totally interviewed friends of mine. But some strangers too.
Posted by LYT at 12:20 PM | Comments (2)
Vegetarian = pagan
Movieguide's Tom Snyder cautions viewers that the movie BORN INTO BROTHELS contains "some pagan images of Hindu culture and woman takes girls to private school which is vegetarian (and, thus, may also be Hindu)"
Quick! Warn your vegetarian friends that they may be pagans!
Posted by LYT at 2:01 AM | Comments (2)
Review Update, part one
"If you can make it past the first 10 minutes or so of Hide and Seek without busting up laughing, chances are that you've never seen a horror movie before in your life."
(read THE REST)
Quick take on Fascination
more to come...
Posted by LYT at 12:48 AM | Comments (0)
February 1, 2005
Rise of the Roman empire
Some of you may rememebr the film project ROMAN, listed in the FAQ section on this site. It's the "companion" film to MAY, with Angela directing Lucky this time around. Attempts have been made to film it three times, and now it looks like the third time, in Angela's hands, was in fact the charm. D.P. Kevin Ford reports on the project's updated status at mo-freek.com:
"Lucky McKee initiated some meetings and we were able to lay a foundation to finish the movie ROMAN that he wrote. Of course Angela is the director of the project and the role of DP has been left to me. And besides Lucky, the movie features two of Angela’s favorite actresses Kristen Bell and Jennifer Carpenter. Both girls were in the 2002 production of THE CRUCIBLE with Angela in New York, and both ended up briefly in PEOPLE ARE DEAD. The first part of the movie with Lucky and Kristen is already shot and the last part that will feature Jennifer Carpenter is what we’ll go back to finish. Sooner than later, and this is very exciting for all of us."
I've long been scheduled to make an appearance in the movie; given how wrapped up I am in MAD COWGIRL (I'm doing crew work as well as playing a minimum of three on-camera roles), we'll see if that's still possible. But it'd be great to do both!
Posted by LYT at 12:44 AM | Comments (2)