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May 30, 2005
Relapse, Don't Do It
Never get complacent about recovery. Your ass can be kicked again any time.
Saturday I had a couple of reshoots to do on MAD COWGIRL, and didn't think any of them would be problematic. But after yelling "Fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou!" repeatedly as loud as I could, I realized it strained the abdomen as much as heavy lifting.
I was sore and tired, and hungry. At about 4 I had some Mexican food, first real food of the day (save the morning protein shake). Took Tylenol for the pain. 4 hours later my head still hurt, so I took a Vicodin.
Walked over to the Arclight to see Star wars again, and while waiting in line for a ticket, I literally collapsed on the ground. I caught myself -- loss of consciousness was a split second, maybe. The Arclight staff were very efficient -- brought me a wheelchair and pushed me all the way to my seat in the Dome. I ate a whole movie-size bag of M&Ms just to get the blood sugar up so I wouldn't pass out again.
Back home, went to bed. Woke up to find I'd stained my pants. Woke up every two hours thereafter to unleash water from the rear (bedside commode sorely missed). Constant stomachache. Not like appendicitis stomachache, just regular stomachache. This went on all day, and sleeping peacefully couldn't be done -- my entire apartmnent complex was taken over by a lavish Mexican birthday party with live music that went on all day.
On the advice of my uncle the doctor, I took 4 oz Pepto Bismol last night, and another 4 this morning. Feeling better at present, but still shaky. Found out that Tylenol works on mild stomachaches.
Funnily enough, I got an email yesterday morning that said "I'm glad it's all behind you." Well, it ain't staying behind me just yet.
Probably just a bad burrito. Hope so.
Posted by LYT at 11:11 AM | Comments (6)
May 27, 2005
Counting blessings...
My major battle with pain and death is over for now. But thanks to Kevin at L.A. Observed, I've come across two people for whom the struggle is now.
First, the blog of a woman fighting tongue cancer.
Second, the blog of a man almost killed by muggers.
My heart goes out to both of them, though I don't know either one.
Posted by LYT at 10:55 PM | Comments (0)
CONTEST ENDS IN 3 DAYS
I have recieved exactly one entry. ReJeKt and sean sure talked a good game, but nothing so far from either.
The entry I have is good, and win-worthy. But there are runner-up prizes too, so get to it! I won't extend the deadline again.
Reminder: Contest details HERE
Posted by LYT at 9:57 PM | Comments (8)
Speak!
Earlier, a whole bunch of comments disappeared. That should be remedied now.
Posted by LYT at 5:10 PM | Comments (0)
Help out a lazy bastard
David Scott is supposed to survey five people about their worldviews (mine, according to Movieguide at least, would be 'pagan worldview with strong romantic, anti-capitalist elements'), but can't be bothered to pick up the phone.
So if you're bored at work, go here and answer his questions about space and god and stuff. No research necessary.
Posted by LYT at 11:58 AM | Comments (3)
May 26, 2005
I'm not mad about MADAGASCAR
When it comes to cartoon voice-over acting, the very best in the field tend to have a diverse range of accents and voices, plus a good gift for mimicry. Mel Blanc is pretty much the acknowledged master and the embodiment of that description, and in more recent years the likes of Billy West and Phil Lamarr have excelled.
To a lesser extent, but still great, there are voice-actors like Sterling Holloway, who may have only one kind of distinct voice, but are only known for cartoons. Holloway voiced Winnie the Pooh and Kaa the Python for Disney, but I doubt many (if any) of you know what he looked like.
I'll even add one other sub-category -- notable names who manage to exaggerate the voice for cartoons. They may be one note, but at least they're not quite doing themselves. Tim Allen as Buzz Lightyear and Casey Kasem as Shaggy come to mind. You know damn well who they are, but Shaggy doesn't sound like Kasem's DJ voice, nor is Buzz "Tim the Toolman."
Which brings me around to who does NOT make a good cartoon voice -- celebrities with one distinct persona doing their familiar shtick. Chris Rock, for example, or David Schwimmer. They may be funny on their own terms, but they do not pass muster as convincing cartoon animals. There's a reason Arnold Schwarzenegger never did cartoons, and why Brad Pitt and Catherine Zeta-Jones flopped in SINBAD.
Ben Stiller should be fine, as he was a gifted impersonator back in the day. But he seems to have sunken into a routine of playing the same character over and over. As Alex the lion, he needs to be able to play a split personality -- the narcissist king of the zoo (which he does fine, arrogant zoo-landers being his thing and all), and savage wild carnivore overwhelmed by instinct (which he totally sucks at because he plays it the same but with animal roars added).
Jada Pinkett Smith is an actress, and a good one, so no surprise that she's fine as Gloria the Hippo. The real highlight of the movie, though is Sacha Baron Cohen, a proven talent at accents and wackiness on "Da Ali G Show." As the insane Lemur King of Madagascar, full of energy and with a made-up hybrid accent, he steals the show. Co-director Tom McGrath is also very good, voicing two of the penguin characters, one of whom sounds like Phil Hartman doing Charlton Heston.
You probably know the story by now: Marty the zebra (Rock) yearns for a change of scenery from the New York zoo, and escapes to try and hop a train to somewhere upstate, after being inspired by a group of penguisn who are trying to tunnel their way to Antarctica. Marty's friends Alex, Gloria, and Melman the giraffe (Schwimmer) follow him, and end up being shipped alongside the penguins to a Kenyan wildlife preserve.
The penguins promptly hijack the boat to Antarctica, making a drastic right turn that sends the other animals overboard, where they wash up on the shores of Madagascar and encounter the lemurs.
Like SHREK 2 and other Dreamworks toons, MADAGASCAR features lots of lame references to other movies and appropriations of other movies' songs, including "Staying Alive," "theme from Chariots of Fire," "theme from Hawaii 5-0," "The Candyman," "What a Wonderful World," and even a scene and score segment from AMERICAN BEAUTY ("coincidentally" another Dreamworks film, one that I hope the target audience would not be familiar with). This is just lazy film-making, and it also waters down the product by making it less accessible to people who don't know the references. (Trust me, my mother is one, and she hates this sort of thing even more than I do.) It's one thing to actively subvert the familiar, i.e. fairy tale archetypes in the first SHREK, but cynically dropping in a reference to a movie parents might have seen just so they can feel clever is lame.
I know this might sound hypocritical of me. Didn't I just give points to KICKING AND SCREAMING for using familiar songs? Yes. But there it felt somehow more organic -- sports games always use familiar somgs to pump the crowd up. It wasn't presented as part of a fantastical story. No animal, for instance, would use a human song like "Staying Alive" as a point of reference, but a sports team in a realistic setting WOULD sing "We Are the Champions." That may seem like a hair-splitting distinction, but it's mine.
As a piece of anecdotal evidence -- there's a scene in MADAGASCAR where Alex is hit with a tranquilizer, and has a drug hallucination. This is repeated twice, both times with the WILLY WONKA "Candyman" song. When it was over, the kid sitting next to me confusedly went "Ohhhh...kay."
The kids do like the slapstick, though, and there's lots of hitting and falling over to enjoy. That brought laughs every time. Not as many, I suspect, as a feature length series of Road Runner cartoons might have done.
Even the toon-obsessed friend of mine who's been going on and on about "psychotic penguins" might feel let down -- the penguins really aren't psychotic. Alex just says they are, and he's kind of a spoiled wuss at that point.
If Dreamworks decides to do a spin-off movie about the Lemur King, I'll see it. The rest, I'll probably forget about pretty quickly.
Posted by LYT at 2:41 PM | Comments (11)
The New Times summer movie preview
I shared writing duties on this with two others. Be interesting to see if you can tell which capsules came from my hand. (Hint: A majority of them are mine)
http://www.pitch.com/issues/2005-05-19/calendar/summerguide6.html
Posted by LYT at 2:21 PM | Comments (2)
My Gregg Araki interview is online (UPDATED)
Check it HERE
Addendum: Some trims had to be made for space, and I thought Araki fans might be interested in the following bit of info:
When are we gonna get to see Nowhere and The Doom Generation on DVD?
The Doom Generation is on DVD, actually, it’s just a crappy DVD, not letterboxed, and not a very good transfer, it’s not mixed in 5.1 or anything, so it does need to be re-released. We just remastered Totally F***ed Up, which has never ever been on DVD at all, so we’re doin’ ‘em one at a time. It’s coming out soon, then probably we’re gonna do The Living End, which also has never been out on DVD, only on VHS, and again, a really terrible transfer, and then I really wanna do Nowhere and Doom because Nowhere’s never been on DVD at all. They both need to be done, but that sort of going back is very time-consuming...especially because for Totally F***ed Up we remixed it, it’s a brand new remastering -- it’s work, it’s not just like pushing a button. We actually kind of reopened the movie and retransferred the whole thing. It’s like you get a chance to remake the movie again.
Posted by LYT at 12:20 PM | Comments (0)
Some reviews
My interview with Gregg Araki isn't up yet, but my review of his latest is. Here's an excerpt:
"Araki seems to have finally taken in a few Todd Solondz movies, then realized that abusing actor James Duval delivers nowhere near the shock value of abusing children. Let's put it this way: If you're Michael Jackson, this is the movie for you. If not, you're gonna find it creepy. It's not even possible to review it without describing at least some of the nasty stuff that goes on, so readers of a sensitive persuasion are advised to stop right here. "
Also reviewed is one of the most pleasant surprises I've had in a theater all year, the Hungarian film Kontroll (Angelenoes -- it's almost outta here, so track it down quick).
A sample:
""Kontroll" is the name of the division of subway workers responsible for ticket inspections. For the most part, they dress shabbily and work undercover, pulling out their official armbands at random intervals to confront suspicious passengers, who try to evade responsibility with every trick in the book: sexual harassment charges, fake handicaps, even a gypsy curse. The bosses are introducing full-on uniforms for the most successful employees -- stylin' leather jackets with embroidered insignias. Seems like a counterproductive idea if you want to catch people unawares, but in this story, the new jackets serve as a symbol of class envy. Slick rich boy Gonzo (Balázs Lázár) is the guy whose crew gets them, while our ne'er-do-well protagonist Bulcsú (Sándor Csányi) -- who left a competitive corporate job to work the subway -- gets dissed."
Posted by LYT at 12:12 AM | Comments (6)
May 25, 2005
Mad, Not
I just got done watching MAD HOT BALLROOM, a movie some pundits insist will be the sleeper hit of the summer. They're wrong.
Granted, it's about the best documentary movie anyone could make about ten-year olds learning ballroom dancing. But still... it's a movie about ten-year olds learning ballroom dancing.
For many critics, the biggest revelation seems to be that ten-year olds are articulate and smart. That's because many critics are unmarried and have no kids. Their exposure to kids comes in the form of kiddie movies that, being filtered through the minds of cynical adults, don't exactly portray the young 'uns accurately. My six-year-old brother is smarter than most movie tots.
Comparisons to SPELLBOUND are off-base too. That movie focused in razor-sharp detail on its main protagonists, while this one spreads its focus pretty wide. I remember one of the characters was named Tara, and that's about it. Certainly no-one was as memorable as Elmer-Fudd talkin' Jesus freak George Thampy in SPELLBOUND.
Also, the whole idea of ballroom dancing as competitive sport for 5th graders seems weird. At worst, it comes off as creepy sexualization of pre-sexual beings. At best, it just seems kinda silly, like dressing chimps up in clothes. Ballroom dance is a classical form of adult courtship, and kids will inevitably look like they're going through the motions.
By the movie's climax, none of the kids we care about is in the finals anyway. I lost interest. Perhaps you won't.
Posted by LYT at 12:03 AM | Comments (5)
May 24, 2005
The Final 5% (or so)
Everyone asks how I'm doing these days. I tell them all I'm better, just not at 100%. That's starting to become frustrating.
The first couple weeks out of the hospital, while sucky in some ways, were bolstered by the fact that each day one of my various pains would go away. Hence my words at the time that I was getting exponentially better.
Now the recovery speed seems to have peaked. There's this last little bit that just won't fix.
I have pain in my right shoulder and lower back. Why this should be so, I don't know. But they hurt more when I inhale deeply. My breathing was affected by the operation, and I have a practice device that I inhale into to see how high I can suck a plastic filter on the inbreath. I'm getting better, but it still feels like there's some sort of mucus or something way down deep in there, too deep to cough up but sufficient to add a little wheeze to any deep breathing.
I've been told that the only thing to worry about is a temperature, and I don't seem to have that. I get tired very easily -- can't stand up for long periods of time.
And depression seems to be kicking in. During the illness, I was around people all the time, and now I'm all alone again. Plus one of my good friends just made a permanent move out of town. And I feel like I'm in heat, as if my libido is compensating for being dead alongside my appendix, and it probably goes without saying that I don't currently know anyone who's up for taking advantage of me, er, that.
"Has he no shame?" asked one of my English readers who saw the appendix scar photo. I'd be in trouble if I did, given the things I've been through in the past five weeks.
Anyway, don't stop visiting just because I'm not near death any more.
Posted by LYT at 7:53 PM | Comments (7)
May 23, 2005
Gregg Araki
I'm interviewing the DOOM GENERATION director tonight. Anyone have any questions for him? I could use an assist.
(please don't respond if you're just gonna say "Who's Gregg Araki?")
Posted by LYT at 10:28 AM | Comments (13)
May 22, 2005
Random arbitrary question
I just noticed that those TV ads for Trojan condoms boast "moisture-activated lubricant."
Pardon my ignorance, but isn't the whole point of lubricant to make up for LACK of moisture?
It seems as redundant as, say, "water-activated irrigation."
Posted by LYT at 12:44 AM | Comments (3)
May 20, 2005
Wherever I may ROMAN
I know some of you wondered where I've been the past few days.
First, to recap. You may remember my last set report from the movie ROMAN. I played the French waiter Abdul, we shot at Pig N Whistle with a large crew, and D.P. Kevin Ford was a little thrown by the scale.
Turns out the footage was all unusable, with wide shots not matching close-ups, or something.
In the tradition of my not hearing anything until the last minute, Kevin called me on a Sunday to say that I needed to reshoot that night. However, when he called, I was busy having my appendix removed. I didn't get the message until Tuesday (and had I been healthy, I would have been at the System of a Down concert). The part of Abdul was therefore recast.
I understand how these things work. Walter Koenig is in MAD COWGIRL in part because another actor became deathly ill (he's fine now, and was at the wrap party). But I had been promised a part in ROMAN ten years ago, so I left a message with someone or other begging them to find some scene I could appear in.
I have good friends. They found a way. One scene had not yet been shot. It was not absolutely essential to the story, but it does add to it.
So, this past Monday, I took a plane to Sacramento, where Lucky's mom met me. We drove for an hour or so, until we reached the famed McKee compound.
Now, normally I'd have qualms about showing detailed pictures of the home of a famous friend. But by the time you read this, they'll be gone, having moved out of state. This would be both my first and last visit.
I expected it to be further away from the road than it was. Knowing that Mike McKee's identity is firmly grounded in his NRA membership, I somehow figured it'd be like a real compound of sorts. It wasn't, but he does have lots of guns. Taking an interest, I asked him if he'd show me how to shoot one. He obliged.
That thing was LOUD - made my ears ring for a while. The neighbors immediately complained.
Watching Lucky and Mike down screwdrivers like there was no tomorrow (in a way, there wasn't -- the move being imminent and all), I felt pangs of envy. I'm not up to that level of drinking. I had a couple of beers, but got some vicarious enjoyment from watching all that vodka.
Tuesday, I actually began some of the creative stuff on a project Lucky and I have been talking about for many years -- a kids movie we think could be hilarious. Too early to spill any beans on it, but it probably isn't what you'd expect from either one of us.
Wednesday morning, we got up at 5 a.m. The scene needed to be shot at a local grocery store called "Treats" before opening.
Lucky had to trim his hair again, and look dirty. He got all method on this mofo, and actually went out to the garage to fire up a welding torch in order to look all blackened.
The scene is a variation on that timeless coming-of-age moment: The uncomfortable porno purchase. Roman wants to buy a titty mag. The cashier isn't gonna let him do so quietly.
With Angela and Kevin absent, Lucky's longtime friend Darren Knapp was D.P., and Mike did sound. Lucky served as director, and this came as a surprise to him, but in all the years we've known each other, and all the amateur and professional projects we've worked together on, this was the very first time he ever directed me.
To play a redneck cashier, I wore deer camo pants and a "Kill a Commie for Mommy" T-shirt worn by my uncle back in the '80s. I was appalled then, but find ironic/retro humor in it now.
It was easy, and his direction nothing but helpful. And he was very happy with the footage. I end up somehow doing little character things that I don't even realize I'm doing, so while I often feel bad about the performance, the footage looked good to me too.
My teeth looked horrible, though. I don't like the super-peroxide gleaming white that most actors' teeth are, but I understand now. My teeth are a more natural bone color, but they looked rotten on camera, even though they aren't. Maybe they'll look better on the big screen.
Lucky said to me: "You came in at the buzzer on ROMAN, and sunk a three-pointer!"
I'm so grateful to all involved that I got to be in it after all. This movie is really gonna be something special, to us and I suspect to others as well.
More photos on my Buzznet photoblog.
[Due to being a spam magnet, this entry is now closed to comments]
Posted by LYT at 9:03 PM | Comments (1)
May 18, 2005
A review that isn't Star Wars
For Jet Li's latest, Unleashed.
Posted by LYT at 10:34 PM | Comments (0)
My Star Wars review (UPDATED)
(The link below has now been changed to the Phoenix New Times, which ran a slightly longer and cheekier version. Please note that it is two pages long; when you get to the end, you have to click "next" or "2")
Read the review HERE
I'll have more to say. 800 words is not really enough on this flick.
Posted by LYT at 10:17 AM | Comments (4)
May 16, 2005
Off for a coupla days
I'm taking a plane trip today for a semi-secret three-day mission. Should have news and pics to report when it's done. If I have internet access I'll post the Star Wars review link as soon as possible.
Meanwhile, for those who don't read the message board, I offer this link to the new blog by regular commenter David Scott. He mostly goes on about how boring he is, but somehow, that's fun to read.
Posted by LYT at 10:35 AM | Comments (3)
Around town
Sometimes, one can't even have lunch without getting written about online...
I kid, Vik. You know I love the attention.
Posted by LYT at 12:12 AM | Comments (2)
May 14, 2005
Wrap it up
Click on the Buzznet link to the left of this post for a few pics from the MAD COWGIRL wrap party.
Posted by LYT at 3:13 PM | Comments (0)
May 13, 2005
Permit me a moment of indulgence...
LYTrules.com has received a nomination for the L.A. Press Club Award for Best Weblog (a brand new category that debuted this year). The other nominees are Reason magazine online (featuring Matt Welch and Tim Blair), LA Voice.org, and The Stylephile at Variety.com.
That's some heavy company to be in. I once again thank my webmasters, Matt King and Brian Gaughan, for making it all happen. And a special thanks to Matt for printing out multiple pages of my blog for submission on his printer, because mine don't work for sheeit.
Posted by LYT at 6:39 PM | Comments (3)
E.R. - the sequel
At around 5 p.m. yesterday, I started to get a stomach ache.
Actually, not quite a stomach ache. It was in that general area, but didn't seem to be affecting my actual stomach, which was hungry.
Maybe it was the frustration of waiting all day for a FedEx package that didn't come (it finally arrived today, but please, readers, don't ever send me anything via FedEx Ground).
Anyway, I went to a lovely party at Matt and Emmanuelle's [picture of me by Emmanuelle here], and by the time it was over, the ache was still there -- though it seemed to go away while talking to ex-New Times colleague Jill Stewart, who is surprisingly not up for any Press Club nominations this year, because she didn't bother entering.
It was perfectly bearable pain, but previous bouts of appendicitis had always started bearable and gotten worse. So I took no chances, and drove to the ER.
Even though there were only like 5 people there, including a homeless person of indeterminate gender who smelled like s/he had shit himself, it took three hours to get seen by anybody. As far as I could tell, only one doctor was on duty.
Anyway, when he finally checked me out he said it probably wasn't serious, and even if it was, it wouldn't kill me before getting a lot more obviously serious, i.e. with fever and such. He offered to give me a CAT scan, but said it would be expensive. I decided to hold off for now, so he just gave me Vicodin, which made me hallucinate a bit, thinking that the rattling of my fridge was laughter, for example.
Anyway, pain gone today. No fever. So I've got that going for me, which is nice.
Posted by LYT at 3:57 PM | Comments (0)
May 12, 2005
New Review Thursday
Not time for Star Wars yet -- that'll be next week.
But talk about long-awaited: I wrote this first review over a year ago when the movie was originally supposed to come out.
"If you're expecting a psychological thriller out of Mindhunters, and you buy a ticket for the movie, you will almost indubitably feel cheated. But break down the film's title to its most literal sense -- hunting for a mind, presumably because those involved were out of theirs -- and you'll know exactly what to expect. This is, after all, a Renny Harlin film, which means it'll be bad. The only question is will it be goofy, nacho-cheese bad like Deep Blue Sea and The Adventures of Ford Fairlaine, or just plain old godawful-bad like Driven or Cliffhanger?
The rest HERE
Then there's a more recent, high-profile release:
"Fans of Will Ferrell's repressed-crybaby persona have the first half to enjoy, while those who prefer nutcase, running-around-naked Will get that later. The catalyst for the change turns out to be coffee; if you'd like your kids to stay away from caffeine, Kicking & Screaming is the ultimate public service announcement."
The rest of that one HERE
Posted by LYT at 10:21 AM | Comments (0)
May 11, 2005
HEY, REMEMBER MY CONTEST?
I know my ongoing medical drama has probably taken your minds off it, but in case you forgot, remind yourself of the rules HERE.
I have not received any entries so far, so I'm extending the deadline to May 30. If I get no entries by then, no-one gets a prize.
If you actually enter, odds are good you'll get something.
Posted by LYT at 6:56 PM | Comments (0)
May 10, 2005
Corey Levitan is my hero
Not that he ever wasn't, you understand. Anyone who describes himself as being Hobbit-like and willingly goes undercover as a high school lunch lady for cheap laughs deserves my utmost respect.
But he also just did me a huge favor. In Corey's own words:
"you owe me your l.a. press club nomination. i noticed that every other category listed five finalists and criticism only 2. that indicated to me that there were only 2 entries, but i know i entered, so it had to be wrong."
Corey called the Press Club to find out the deal, and sure enough, there were more finalists than had been announced.
So yes, folks, I am proud to announce that I have been nominated for a Los Angeles Press Club Award (as has Corey) in the category of Best Entertainment reviews/criticism/column for papers with under 100,000 circulation.
They haven't announced the nominees for Best Weblog yet. This site may still be in the running.
Posted by LYT at 12:36 AM | Comments (2)
May 8, 2005
Sporadic posting for a while
Suffice it to say my recovery continues to be swift, though not perhaps as swift as I'd like it to be.
It has come to my attention that some of my readers may be past or present clients of my mother in a professional capacity. Given those circumstances and the sensitive nature and requirements of her job, I am not comfortable having those people reading or posting on my site, and would politely ask that you not continue to do so.
This is not an easy call for me to make, but the alternative is my never talking about family here ever again, and the possibility of losing family members as regulars.
Posted by LYT at 12:15 PM | Comments (0)
May 6, 2005
The real medical facts
I saw the doctor again today, so for all of you who've wanted to know exactly what the deal is, here you go...
My appendix was not ruptured. It was, however, almost completely dead. Had it made it to completely dead, then it would have ruptured.
So why the previous attacks? The doctor told me that in very rare cases, the appendix can be infected, but the bacteria somehow dislodge and get flushed out of the system. This is likely what had been happening to me.
He said I've made a very strong recovery. I am now free to eat anything and take baths. The remaining pain I have seems to be just from pulled muscles, possibly associated with being doubled over in pain for so long.
And I can't do any heavy lifting for four weeks, so don't ask me to help you move just yet.
Posted by LYT at 3:11 PM | Comments (3)
How'm I doing?
You ever have that feeling where you know you need to burp, but can't quite make it happen without retching up a little stomach stuff, only you know that immediately afterwards you're gonna hiccup and then the burp will come?
You become very, very aware of this when each hiccup feels like a rabbit punch to the ribs. You try to pre-empt it each time, with varying degrees of success.
I'm off the antibiotics, which seems to be giving me the ability to create turds again. But the area where the appendix was is still seriously sprained, and it's right in the lower back/stomach area, which affects a variety of things, notably back pain while sleeping and the ability to inhale deeply. I'm out of prescription pain stuff, so it's just regular ol' Tylenol for me now.
These are all relatively minor things in the grand scale of pain I've recently navigated, but they still suck. I can't sleep on my own bed at the moment; have to use the fold-out couch because it's softer.
A family member who does not wish to be written about in this public forum will be staying with me for a few days, so that person can take my bed for a while.
Appetite is fine, but I figure I'd best stay away from raw shellfish and booze for a while.
Posted by LYT at 11:54 AM | Comments (0)
May 5, 2005
Happy Cinco de Mayo
I'd raise a beer if I could, but this isn't the time.
I should also note that I saw a certain long-awaited sci-fi sequel/prequel today. I'm being paid to review it elsewhere first, so no details here as yet, except to say I don't think you'll be disappointed.
Posted by LYT at 6:08 PM | Comments (3)
May 3, 2005
Who Rules?
That, at least, is the semi-rhetorical question on my business cards. It was designed as braggadocio, part of the larger-than-life media personality I've been becoming.
But the answer to the question has never been clearer.
Who rules?
You do.
Some of my readers actually sent Matt money to help with cleaning of my apartment. This is amazing to me.
That my apartment is clean - equally amazing. Those of you who were here, a group that includes at least two people who have known me for less than a year, pulled some bibbidee-bopidee-boo fairy godmother shit up in here.
I feel bad that I can't do more in return - not that it's asked or implied that I do. But here I am with this vanity project of a website projecting my own ego, and you've all embraced me over something that began essentially selfishly.
Matt King has been a major hero throughout; I've always told anyone who would listen that he's the best friend anyone could ever have or want (he's also a musical genius -- start believing me on that score too). Without him, no website. Without him, my recuperation might have been substantially slowed or at least made more difficult.
I won't name all the rest of you by name in case I miss someone.
I'm back at home now. Those who wanted to visit me in the hospital, please stop by now. I could use it.
And remember, you rule.
Posted by LYT at 9:04 PM | Comments (5)
The Appendicitis Diet
I've lost 17 pounds since this ordeal began. Little of it noticeable, save perhaps in the face, though the increased facial hair due to lack of razor access compensates. My physical proportions look similar, though my belly is still somewhat gas-bloated.
Every day, at least one of my various and sundry aches goes away. A hiccup is still like a punch to the chest from inside, though those punches appear to be flagging a tad. Once I stopped the pain pills, my digestive system all of a sudden seemed to lose some of the gains it had been making vis-a-vis continence. So having to run to the restroom a lot. May need Depends again for the next big car trip, which would be an easier deal if I trusted them to work well.
The hole in my stomach has closed up. That means I can take baths again.
One of the juice cocktails I had while in hospital featured something in its ingredients called a chokeberry. Has anyone heard of this beast before? It sounds like a rejected Willy Wonka flavor.
When I had my very first surgery in Ireland, at age 14, there were many differences. I was in a large room shared by 6 people. No TV, though there was a TV lounge at the end of the hall. Instead, we talked to each other. They were pretty stingy with the pain meds, but the nurses would come promptly if you buzzed them, unlike this time, when you might have to buzz three times to get a nurse in 45 minutes. Also Ireland had national health care, so I got to stay in hospital a week without being gouged.
The bills here are insane. One of my uncles seemed to want me to be a poster boy for civil disobedience and just refuse to pay anything, but I don't think I can go down that route. It's like with freelance taxes -- I make just enough to get screwed financially. If I were poorer or had kids, I was told there were several programs I'd have qualified for.
Don't worry about me, though. People are helping out.
Posted by LYT at 11:35 AM | Comments (12)
May 1, 2005
wild wild life
One or two of you have written in to tell me that the REMAKING VANILLA ICE vh-1 special that I attended a taping for last fall made its debut this week. It seems I'm quite visible during the concert that ends the show. If anyone has screen caps or a videotape, please send them to me.
In other news, it finally doesn't hurt to cough any more. And I got something damn close to arousal for the first time in a couple weeks -- not that I'm in any condition for sex right now, but good to know things work.
There's no two ways about it -- the day after surgery will always suck ass. Your best hope is to sleep through it to the extent that you can, but people will be taking your blood pressure and temperature constantly.
My roommate in hospital was an older black man named Mr. Harris, barely above Terry Schiavo in his ability to move or operate his body. He could make noises, and if you were careful some could be understood. The one sassy black nurse, though, just tried to get a rise out of him. Every time he'd say something, she'd just respond "Flibbidy hibbidy gibbidy! That's what you sound like -- flibbidy hibbidy gibbidy!" She'd watch the daytime soaps with him, which meant I had to by default. We each had our own TV, but no way to tune out the other's.
There were times when I envied Mr. Harris. He seemed able to eat well, at least.
Everyone wants you to keep food or water down, but after the surgery, every drink of water yielded a burp that would shoot half of it back up my throat. Burping was a non-stop deal, really.
Then I'd puke up green stuff, but not in a convulsive type way. Weirdly, it was like my actual vocal chords and mouth would suddenly just say "BLEEAHHH!" and green tea would fly out.
After every single instance of this, I'd get a shot of anti-nausea madication, which NEVER worked. Insert argument for medical marijuana here.
The good thing was they gave me painkillers when I asked for them, which wasn't often. Relative to pre-op, post-op hurt less. And I wasn't really sliced open -- several holes were made in my stomach to suck the bugger out.
The hospital chaplain was perhaps the most stereotypical Japanese-American I'd ever seen. Thick glasses, huge teeth, lots of nodding and smiling. His time with me was perhaps the shortest, not because I shooed him away, but most likely because he could tell that the time for me to be scared of dying was passed. I tried to pry my doctors for info on how close I was to dying, but got nowhere. Though when I brought up gangrene, they mentioned yes, I had had that. Having seen what that did to my grandmother, man...
Briefly, I felt like I got to understand a bit of how my grandmother must have spent her last days, less mobile than she'd like, trying to retain dignity while having to lose shame, and looking more raggedy than one would like, all while puking up chemicals and pissing iodine. I looked at myself in a mirror once and my pose reminded me of a photo of her before her stroke, walking out on the gravel in her bathrobe.
When I got up and walking, though, I looked like a mad prophet of doom, with IV stand in palce of staff. There was no place to wash my hair or shave, so I did neither while there.
Mr. Harris could never move to change his TV or light settings, so the light and TV stayed on all hours. CBS endlessly replays their evening news after schedule, just so ya know.
Posted by LYT at 9:10 PM | Comments (4)