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September 30, 2005
Vancouver in pictures, part one
I may not be able to say or show much about the movie, but the city isn't off limits. However, I should note that Mick Garris did an interview over at moviepoopshoot.com in which he announced a couple of things. One, the chances of a second season of Masters of Horror are pretty good. Two, each episode will be coming out on its own DVD with an hour of behind-the-scenes extras, and some will have longer director's cuts, though in most cases that won't be nmecessary because Showtime gives them a wide latitude (I suspect Miike may test that). The DVDs should start hitting in February.
Now, onto sum pitchers.
This volcano-looking thing was espied by me out the airplane window
and here's a less tinted version:
This water sculpture greets U.S. arrivals in the Vancouver airport:
It's big. Here's a better picture for scale:
As everyone knows, Canadians are socialist lefties. Here's proof:
This is the part of town I stayed in. Note that Exxon is still called Esso up north, as it is in Europe.
The bathroom sink fountain I spoke of in an earlier entry:
And I know you've been waiting for this...
LIVE LOBSTER SASHIMI!
More later. You could cheat by going to my photo blog, but I suggest waiting for the snappy captions.
Posted by LYT at 11:44 PM | Comments (2)
September 29, 2005
Hunk of the year
Ladies, prepare yourselves...for Faggio!
Posted by LYT at 5:18 PM | Comments (14)
Review update, and a reminder
"If you were to hit yourself quite hard in the head, then walk into the Museum of Modern Art, where you could literally enter the paintings as all the sculptures came to life and started talking with English accents, you might approximate the world of MirrorMask. Put another way: When Tim Burton manages to see this movie, he'll realize he just got owned. "
AND DON'T FORGET...THE LAST EVE, a movie featuring me (delivering actual dialogue and acting gay) plays tonight at Laemmle's Fairfax at 8pm. Ticket gets you into an after-party as well. It's $10, I think.
Posted by LYT at 1:29 PM | Comments (1)
September 28, 2005
Conspiracies
I'm blogging from an airport Internet terminal where my own links page is blocked because it may contain adult content not suited for a public terminal. No joke. It started to come up, then as soon as the Walter Koenig banner ad showed up I got shut out. The computer was NO...LONGER...EENTERESTED!
I mentioned in an early post that there is a Mountain Dew energy drink available as a soda. That's not quite the whole story.
See, I picked up a regular Dew, and discovered that it had no caffeine, but it wasn't gold like the usual caffeine-free Dew.
And then I found out that "Mountain Dew Energy Drink" is actually plain old American Mountain Dew. But under new standards, it has to be classified differently. It cannot be served in a soda fountain, because caffeine over a certain amount is considered a medical ingredient, labeled as such along with directions that it may be used to treat fatigue. I shit thee not. I guess it's because Canadians are so naturally perky that they have to be careful.
Also, Canada loves having criminals as citizens. In an odd twist of law, Mike McKee was denied a work permit here, due to some arrests from his younger days...unless he agreed to become a temporary Canadian citizen for one year. We had many good laughs over that. So if you want to live in Canada, and are having trouble, maybe you should commit a few crimes (disclaimer: advice is for entertainment purposes only)
Back later today, but will be busy watching a new Ryan Reynolds movie. Upside = free beer. No kidding.
Posted by LYT at 12:30 PM | Comments (12)
September 27, 2005
Sorry, Shitheel
I've been totally barraged by comment spammers while away, and inadvertently deleted a legit post from someone named Shitheel. I don't know who that is, but rest assured there is no conspiracy. Feel free to repost.
The point Shitheel made was that lobster claw meat might be too liquidy to eat raw, as I recall.
In other exciting news, I am pleased to announce the return of one of my favorite characters to the screen...
Yes, it's Country Club Patron, my "character" from THE LOST, whose hand is seen briefly in the foreground as two of the leads are eating.
It seems this character made his way to Vancouver, in time to eat Chinese food right behind Angela Bettis. Renamed "Chinese Restaurant Patron," his redefined mission in life is to keep eating...regardless of what may happen in the new venue.
Posted by LYT at 2:38 PM | Comments (6)
September 25, 2005
Bus Boy
I'm sitting in an Internet cafe downtown right now, because it's way cheaper than at my motel. Remember how I said my motel was badly located? It seems that when I tell any locals that I'm on Kingsway, they make a face like I just fed them sour milk.
So I took the bus yesterday to downtown, and got off when everyone else did. Went to a bizarre mall that was basically like an office building that happens to have shops in it -- or better yet, like an airport terminal without flight gates. The liquor store was offering free beer samples, which more stores should do.
I went into a newsagent type palce and was warmly greeted by the Chinese proprietor. Since his English sounded good, I asked him which way to dowtown.
Two things quickly became clear. One, his English wasn't good. And two, even aside from that, he was an idiot. Not only could he not find downtown on a map, he couldn't even figure out where his own store was.
So I set off walking, and wound up in a place called gastown, that's like old town Pasadena. Not exactly what I was looking for, but I bought a really cheap Indian lunch, garnished with a Filipino hot sauce that's made from bananas (banana puree + chili peppers = strange).
I asked the cauacasian waitress where downtown was. She gave me some directions, then said we were downtown. Well, which is it? Her English wasn't great either (Frenchie). I sort-of went where she pointed, and ended up in Chinatown.
Once I was at the end of Chinatown, and in some slummy areas (Vancouver has lots of homeless, because it's the warmest-on-average major city in Canada), I asked a Middle Eastern grocer, and he knew what was up. I noticed that the potato chips for sale in his store had odd flavors like "spicy pickles."
Maybe I should say "crisps," though. UK spelling and slang seem to prevail here.
And my time on this Internet is almost up. More when I can...
Posted by LYT at 2:45 PM | Comments (3)
"I want to eat something alive"
If you've seen OLDBOY, you undoubtedly remember that scene with the octopus. I've always wanted to eat something alive too.
PETA members and others of their ilk might just want to pass on the "More" link right now and skip the rest of this entry. You'll only get upset otherwise. Or you may respect the fact that I face up to the notion of meat = death.
The sushi up here is great, AND cheap. Asians are to Vancouver what Latinos are to L.A. So I took the opportunity to try something a little more high-end than usual.
Live raw lobster.
The chef actually shows you the thing, writhing and kicking. He asks if this one is okay. I say, "Dude, if it looks good to you, I trust you." So he puts the live thing in a tub, hands it to me, claws snapping away, and says, "Here, your live lobster sashimi. HAHAHAHA! Just kidding." (with a Japanese accent, which makes it better)
The lobster comes to my plate with its arms and tail severed. The tail meat is chopped up and garnished with smelt roe. The head is still very much alive, and moving.
The chef tells me to bite the whole thing, shell included. I try that, but the shell really is too harsh on my teeth. It's not as hard as a cooked lobster tail, but hard enough.
So I suck in the insides, inhaling and inadvertently swallowing half the lobster's brain whole. It still isn't dead. It doesn't die even when I separate the brain from the lungs -- the mandibles keep moving, and the lungs keep trying to breathe. Only when I've eaten the entire brain does the movement stop.
And it is invigorating. I felt a real charge of energy after eating it, like the spirit had been consumed as well.
As for the tail - think lobster-flavored ama-ebi. I'll never be satisfied with the cooked version again.
Oh, but the claws they do cook, for some reason.
UPDATE: Pictures HERE and HERE
Posted by LYT at 2:12 PM | Comments (8)
September 23, 2005
Stuff I can write about
You may ask why the difficulty in set reporting. Well, it seems someone was shooting behind-the-scenes stuff on a previous episode, and it ended up illicitly for sale in a video store, or something. So the producers are tight about stuff. Mike McKee, who has shot backstage footage on every Lucky McKee film to date, is not doing so here. On The Woods, I had tacit producer approval (smart, because I'd say 90% of the buzz online originated with me).
Masters of Horror already has a buzz, though. They don't need me. So let me tell you about the difference between McDonalds here and there
McDonalds here has a line of deli-style sandwiches, including a tempting looking grilled veggie melt that turns out to suck, mainly because the orangey sauce that I hoped would be remoulade or 1000 Island actually atstes like a mix of mayo and vinegar. Ugh.
7up is available in a new cranberry-tinged flavor. Yes, Brian, I'll try to bring some back. The Mountain Dew energy drink also has a diet version. And soda is sold in 8-packs.
But that's just at my crappy local gas station. By booking a motel blind online, I ended up not getting one in town, but rather halfway between the set, in rural Burnaby, and Vancouver. So I haven't actually been into Vancouver yet.
On Monday, one of the office dudes here, who is also a photgrapher, is gonna do a photo-shoot with me. Initally he suggested something crazy, with bugs in my hair and stuff.
I replied: "Everyone makes me look crazy. You want a challenge? Make me look sexy."
His response was to decide to make me look like Fabio. So we'll see where that goes. I'll be wearing one of Erin Brown's wigs.
The set for the TV show Andromeda is next door. It's empty, so me and Mike took some pictures of ourselves onboard a spaceship, which was cool.
Before I sign off, I have to mention the men's room. I wish I could augment with a photo -- I will later. There's this thin in there that looks like a fountain, with a tower in the middle on which are perched soap dispensers. The first inclination is to think it's a fancy urinal. But no, there are urinals.
What is in no way clear is that if you stand on a circular bar on the floor, it spouts warm water 360 degrees. Mass hand-washing can ensue.
Oh, and Angie B. says I may still be in Roman. But probably not paid. Hey, I'm just hoping for an action figure deal...
Posted by LYT at 7:53 PM | Comments (7)
September 22, 2005
Wankouver
Here in Western Canada, Internet connectivity is very limited, and I don't have permission to write about anything I see on the set.
So it may be a slightly dull week, but I'll be sure to note lots of fascinating things unrelated to the Masters of Horror plot, stage design, etc.
In the meantime, here are this week's reviews:
"There's certainly an opportunity for a good filmmaker to examine Americans and their weapons -- Bowling for Columbine, though flawed, was entertaining and scored some good points -- but [Lars] von Trier's latest script, for Dear Wendy, doesn't find it. Whatever you may think of Michael Moore, he is an American, and he has some understanding of his own culture and the perspective to make fun of it. Von Trier just makes shit up, and it shows."
whole thang HERE
"[Elijah] Wood? It was a stretch watching him wield that glowing sword, and now director Lexi Alexander wants us to believe that he can become ... a soccer thug. You can stop laughing now. Really, that's the premise of Green Street Hooligans."
whole thing HERE
Jaye needs to read this next one:
"It would take a critic more churlish than this one to sneer and bare chickenlike talons at Roll Bounce, a formulaic crowd-pleaser that hits familiar marks but does so well enough that it's hard to fault anyone involved. The retro-'70s vibe seems kind of obvious, and the irritating Mike Epps, who expends a lot of effort being aggressively unfunny, is somehow still employed. But director Malcolm D. Lee, who played the retro groove thang broadly in Undercover Brother, dives so wholeheartedly and unironically into this movie about, yes, roller disco that the faults seem minor."
finish it HERE. Sporadic posting next 7 days.
And anyone wanna pick me up from the airport around 4:30 pm next wed?
Posted by LYT at 8:03 PM | Comments (9)
September 21, 2005
Dave White writing for MSNBC
Dave is one of my favorite local writers, and it's good to see him hit the big time while maintaining his voice.
His take on Jodie Foster: "She wants to be a dude. Also a chick. At the same time. And she’s succeeding."
Posted by LYT at 8:32 AM | Comments (6)
September 20, 2005
The Tattoo Connection
I've been meaning to go to the Inkslinger's Ball every year since I've lived in Hollywood. This year, I finally decided to attend. It's right down the street from me, at the Hollywood Palladium.
$20 is a bit steep for admission, seems to me, but anyone who really wants to can manage to come away with a free giveaway, like a T-shirt or something that would cost about that much. I should've brought a camera, but knowing how restrictive the Palladium usually is, I figured there was no chance.
Entering the main hall, I was struck by a rather significant revelation...
These people look like me.
That may seem like an obvious thing, but it's not. For years, I've sworn that I have no "crowd," but rather that I take a little bit of personal style from various different crowds (goth, redneck, etc.) -- enough to piss people off who hate it, but not enough to attract people who fetishize it.
I never realized that my approximate fashion sense, colored hair, major music tastes, and love of ink were all related. Tattoo aficianados are officially my crowd now. I'm not going head-to-toe, ever, but I enjoy looking at those who do. Shows like this are like moving art galleries. Some of the stuff you see has amazing shades of subtlety that I really doubt will age well -- one reason I personally go for very simple symbols all in black on my own skin.
Quite a lot of parents with small children. Most of the kids either had colored hair or a shirt that indicated they like tattoos. Of course, I find most kids inherently do like tattoos, but that liking is often bred out of them.
Tiki seems to be an offshoot of this subculture, which didn't occur to me before, but I guess it's the whole islander/tribal thing.
And yes, there are some dumbasses who conform to negative stereotypes. Though the official website bans the sales of knives or hate material, there was one vendor selling "SS" T-shirts, among others. Some of the other designs were nice, but there was no way I was buying from a Nazi vendor.
One black guy had a small swastika-like symbol on his chest. I hope the ghost of Jesse Owens haunts his ass for eternity.
Most of the booths are working tattoo booths full of people getting new work done. You here the buzz, and there's an almost psychosomatic pain reaction. But then I think about appendicitis, and it goes away. I didn't get anything done -- I think more preparation time is needed for individual custom stuff than just showing up to a booth one day.
Of the portfolios, I was most impressed with the work of Alien Arts Tattoo of Savannah, GA, and Zulu Tattoo of L.A. Click the links and check out their portfolios online -- they transcend many of the standard cliches.
Trees seem to be a more common theme in tats now than I ever remember before -- they make for a good back design that can be built upon, I suppose.
I hung out in the bar area for a while, where a middle-aged couple played old rock 'n roll songs on a keyboard and guitar, as well as some originals that just sounded old. At times, I was their only listener. It made an interesting contrast to everything else -- neither seemed much like a tattoo person. And while I sat there, I figure out that the male bartender was charging $7 for a Heineken, but the female one charged $6. Sneaky, or a screw-up? I dunno.
Also a lot of tattoo artists are fat. I suppose it's because they work sitting down; same reason most veteran film critics are fat. Many want to be seen as legit conventional artists too, it seems, as they sell pictures they've drawn too. But what works as a bold symbol on someone's skin isn't necessarily an emotionally involving painting.
There are geeks in this crowd too. One guy had his whole leg done up with full color heads of every monster and villain in the Lord of the Rings movies.
But most seem to be either full-on neo-primitives, with bones in the nose and stuff like that; or rockabilly Elvis/Betty Page types; or metalheads, often with shaved heads and goatees; or some amalgamation.
I guess that last one is me.
Posted by LYT at 12:42 AM | Comments (11)
September 19, 2005
Talk like a pirate day
Hi, I'm the dictator of Nigeria. I've recently been exiled and have a shitload of money that needs to be stashed in your bank account. So send me your account number, and I'll give you half the cash. Cool?
Right then, I'm off to sneak my camcorder into a movie theater. Also I work for PayPal, and there's a problem with your account. Tell me which account it is -- I forgot -- and I'll go fix it.
Posted by LYT at 12:42 PM | Comments (5)
September 17, 2005
On a Ben-der
As he's been chiming in a bit lately, I thought it was time to add a photo of Ben Boyer to the friends gallery. Sorry, ladies, he's taken.
But guys...he may entertain offers.
Posted by LYT at 12:28 AM | Comments (9)
September 16, 2005
Black Mountain II
Movies have sequels. Games have sequels. But rarely do soft drinks have sequels. The only one I can think of previously was Coke II, which was just a cheesy way of repackaging "New" Coke.
But now there's Mountain Dew Pitch Black II "with a sour bite!" It's the same as last year's grape flavor caffeinated beverage, only they jacked up the citric acid content, which brings out the flavor more. I'm surprised they didn't go for the obvious pun and call it Mountain Dew Sour Grapes.
Also new at 7-11 is an in-house brand of Big Gulp sodas, which, strangely enough, are not available in Big Gulp cups but rather the now-standard 20 oz bottle. Aluminum cans seem to be being phased out, which I've ranted about before, but I just figured out a new proof that this sucks:
If cold drinks were meant to be served in plastic bottles, how come alcohol never is?
(sure, it is in England sometimes. But they like it warm.)
I know the plastic bottle thing is because they can charge more for slightly bigger containers, but really, aluminum is better for the flavor and coolness.
So back to the Big Gulp sodas. There's a mint-lime one that's pretty good, and I just tried apple-gingersnap. It's overwhelmingly apple, but there's a subtle hint of ginger that builds up the more you drink it. When was the last time your soda had a subtle hint of anything, other than your own spit?
You'd think apple-gingersnap might be a good mixer, but not really. Too nuanced a flavor. Pitch Black II worked way better with the whiskey I brought home from the Poperratic session.
In other junk food news, Funyuns now come in wasabi flavor. Honestly, they taste more like buttermilk powder than wasabi, though the familiar distinctive spiciness builds up. They lack the sweetness of real wasabi, however. But still more interesting than regular Funyuns.
Posted by LYT at 11:55 PM | Comments (1)
Late again...Here's the review update.
"It seems just about any movie featuring a positively gay character scares the bejeezus out of religious film critics like Michael Medved and Ted Baehr. So it was merely a matter of time before someone embraced that notion and made an all-out (pun intended) gay film that's deliberately scary. That's what first-time writer and director Paul Etheredge-Ouzts has tried to do with HellBent, a slasher flick set during the annual West Hollywood Halloween Parade, an event that allows the Los Angeles gay community to get as flamboyantly theatrical as possible. Unfortunately, "tried" is the operative word here. HellBent is definitely a gay movie, but aside from misplaced Southern Baptists, it probably won't scare many in the audience."
The whole flawed thing HERE
"Is it funny? The Baxter, much like previous Showalter projects The State and Wet Hot American Summer, is kind of amusing, never hilarious, and has maybe one or two unexpected laughs. Showalter looks and acts like an alien who has 95 percent of human behavior down pat, but hasn't quite made it to total assimilation. The same seems to be true of his sense of humor. In theory, he has ideas that should make people laugh. The execution, on the other hand, is not what it should be."
whole damn thing HERE
"Witherspoon and Ruffalo are likable actors, and director Mark Waters (Freaky Friday, Mean Girls) and screenwriters Peter Tolan (Analyze This) and Leslie Dixon (also of Freaky Friday fame) manage to choreograph much amusing banter between the two. He's a slob, she's a nag, this is familiar; but it still works. Unfortunately, the movie fails to fully make sense, which may be because it's based on a French novel "
see it all HERE
Posted by LYT at 1:53 AM | Comments (47)
September 15, 2005
I've seen a couple of blogs mention "Talk Like a Pirate Day"
How about a "Talk Like William Shatner" Day?
I'll start:
George...W....Bush...Isabadman! He...doesn't...care.......Aboutblackpeople! Theyyyy...are HUMAN! Human beings...too!
Posted by LYT at 6:16 PM | Comments (8)
September 14, 2005
"Deez dudes dig some tunnels"
That's Ben Boyer's review of THE GREAT ESCAPE, which I'm gonna try to sit and watch right now. If I fail, it'll be the second time I've rented the thing and not watched it.
There are some shameful gaps in my cinema literacy -- if you have a moment and would like to list some of the movies you consider classic must-sees, please do. They must be available on DVD and not too hard to find.
Posted by LYT at 3:33 PM | Comments (21)
Self-Destrucity
"Mr. Warrior" finally gest the WWE tribute he deserves.
His reaction to the initial announcement can be found HERE (warning: long and rambling, like everything else he writes)
Posted by LYT at 12:58 PM | Comments (7)
Wandering Stars
I spent most of yesterday hanging out in the recording studio with members of Poperratic -- Jaye Barnes Luckett, Ben Boyer, and Chris Gregory, as they recorded drums for a series of tracks that may be all or partially used in ROMAN and SICK GIRL (The McKee "Masters of Horror" episode).
It was Chris' day to do most of the work - drumming. The man is a machine. Cranked every song out in two or three takes.
The studio itself is an absolutely nondescript building on a run-down NoHo street. Nothing identifies it except the street number, and a forbidding gate and security camera bar the door.
Inside is another story. Everything is smooth, slick, and up to date. The place has to be inconspicuous because big names come there. Ice Cube has been laying down some stuff with Dave "Dizmix" Lopez, a friend of ours who was also producing the Poperratic sessions.
Most of the songs being recorded are not new ones per se -- some even date back to my college days, a standout being "Hide and Seek." But all have been revamped and given new life, and many of them sound so much like a progression from the music that's been popular lately that it makes me realize just how ahead of its time the stuff was.
Then again, there was a lot of really interesting and innovative music in the very early '90s that never caught on. Remember when MTV had shows like "120 Minutes" where they actually showcased non-mainstream stuff? Oh yeah, and music videos too.
Speaking of ROMAN, word has reached me that I'm no longer in it. But I am supposed to be paid.
For lunch we had awesome shrimp burritos from Poquito Mas, made with fresh shrimp. Blows Rubio's away, and I love Rubio's.
At about 9 p.m., Dave suggested he could use a beer, and asked if we should get some. I suggested liquor. The great thing about a pro studio like this is that people there will go and get you anything you want. So we got a small bottle of Maker's Mark, and mixed it with the free sodas.
Dave thought I drank mine way too fast, so I tried to slow my pace to his. But then he waaaay overtook me, plus I knew I would have to drive eventually, so I cut myself off at three. Dave didn't cut himself off at all. Then shortly after Ben showed up, another bottle arrived, which he and Dave had about half of (small bottle - 375 ml).
Then a THIRD bottle showed up. I poured about half of it into my plastic water bottle and took it home with me, where it sits in my fridge currently.
I missed the screening of CORPSE BRIDE as a result (of the session, not the whiskey in my fridge). But I do get to see ROLL BOUNCE this week. Yeah.
Posted by LYT at 12:19 PM | Comments (7)
Frankly scarlet...
and sure enough, I don't give a damn.
Posted by LYT at 3:35 AM | Comments (1)
September 13, 2005
Extra, extra...read all about it
After my experiences with MAD COWGIRL vis-a-vis extras, which is to say announcing on this site that we need some and having no-one reply, I'm sensitive to the needs of others on the subject (see, ladies? I'm just a caring dude). So when I got an email from a friend of a friend requesting extras, I looked over my schedule, and realized I could only put in half the time they wanted -- but knowing the way things tend to be, I figured a body in the background for half the shoot might be better than none.
I was told this would be okay, and that my call was 2pm. Woke up late, had no lunch, and went over to the Chinese place where the shoot was.
The movie is an indie called HOLLYWOOD KILLS, which I only realizeed after about four hours is a pun on "Hollywood Hills." It's a horror movie in which aspiring talent come to Hollywood and end up being killed, or something. The director's first name is Sven. The budget is many times that of MAD COWGIRL -- they actually had a crew truck.
I didn't want to be one of those extras that uses up all the free food, but I did need something inside. Pretzel sticks, yay.
The frustration of the first few hours set in when I realized that they were shooting a scene in the bathroom, and therefore there was no bathroom available. Since the operation, self-control is more difficult. Possible, but more difficult. Other than that, sitting around doing nothing is more fun on a movie set than in front of a computer screen. I used not to think so, but now I just love the whole process.
One of the actresses found a fly in her coffee. Another tried to actually fish it out and was prepared to dry it off if it were still alive. I swear, "wouldn't hurt a fly" sounds like a nice way to describe someone, but it can play out a little silly if taken literally.
About an hour before I was supposed to leave, the club scene came up (I seem to end up doing a lot of club scenes). In order to get me out of there in time, I got to be The Extra Who Walks Out Of The Room. So I'll probably be easy to pick out.
I don't really know what was happening in the scene with the principals. I was focused on being all conversational and stuff in the scene, moving my lips without saying anything, so that background noise can be added later.
I wore the same kind of outfit I generally wear, with one major exception -- instead of a T-shirt, I had a shiny red shirt with flame-like designs on it. The reactions to my otufit were overwhlemingly positive, even unsolicited. This might be the minor change I've been searching for.
Anyway, I stayed a little later than I needed to, and everyone was very friendly. I'd be happy to work with all of them again.
Posted by LYT at 1:16 AM | Comments (15)
What's in a name (calling)?
A couple of people in the 9-11 thread brought up name-calling, and whether it falls under the category of "personal attacks" that I claim to ban (in fact, I say that they "may" be modified or deleted, not that they definitely WILL).
I try to err on the side of not deleting anything. I have deleted and/or modified only a few posts in the history of this site, most of it blatant inflammatory racism from complete strangers.
That said, things also depend on my mood. I'm a moody motherfucker with holes in my stomach, and less patience for haters than I once had. And I'm not here to babysit. If I think something is beyond the pale, I will damnsure let you know about it.
Till then, post away.
Posted by LYT at 12:09 AM | Comments (4)
Finally, it's...
...A new Trailer Trash column, for your entertainment and enjoyment. I think this one has things in it that'll piss everyone off.
Posted by LYT at 12:07 AM | Comments (6)
September 12, 2005
What a refreshing change!
For once, I'm the one who leaves the house most of the weekend, and judging by the post below, everyone else stayed home in front of their computers. And Max is arguing with people other than me.
I should stir up more controversy and remind people that SHREK 2 still sucks.
Anyway, the best news of all is that everyone I was potentially worried about in N'Awlins is safe. Not that that's any comfort to the folks who aren't, but chances are they're not reading me on the Internet anyway.
So I finally saw BROKEN FLOWERS today, and enjoyed it immensely. What's interesting to me is that it has a similar deadpan sense of humor to NAPOLEON DYNAMITE, yet older folks who didn't "get" that film at all seem to get BROKEN FLOWERS. I'm thinking it must be to do with the subject matter and not the style.
I also got to see SIN CITY for the second time, and appreciated it more as kind of a larger-than-life pantomime. I'd invoke another form of violence-as-entertainment that involves larger-than-life characters, but wouldn't want to conform to the stereotype Max has of me.
And then there's AMERICAN MOVIE, which I should have seen long ago but never remembered to any time I was in the video store. This film is an inspiration, a documenatry about a guy deteremined to make his own movie no matter what. And he's STILL plugging away trying to make it happen, some 7 years later.
I get the sense that many of the people who saw this film took a superior attitude and just laughed at those wacky Milwaukeeans who talk funny. And yes, Mark Borchardt is so intense and occasionally absurd that I did laugh, especially at his insistence that "Coven" be pronounced to rhyme with "woven" rather than "oven," but I'm also impressed by him. The "Coven" short is included on the DVD, and it's really quite good, beautifully shot and well-acted by Borchardt. It even has a good premise -- 12-step programs are actually evil Satanist groups!
Mark's friend Mike Schank just looks stoned and laughs like Butt-Head, so yeah, everyone's amused by that.
This movie also reminded me of NAPOLEON DYNAMITE, in the way it initially presents small-town people as weird and alien with funny catchphrases, but eventually reveals the heart within, and lets you admire them for following their muse, however wacky.
If Mark lived in my neighborhood, I'd be the first to lend a hand on his next flick.
Posted by LYT at 12:45 AM | Comments (10)
September 11, 2005
9-11
Four years since the last major disaster, and already we have a bigger one.
Infuriating. America is not safer.
UPDATE: This more or less sums up my feelings, though it should not be taken to mean that I therefore agree with everything the author has ever publicly said.
Posted by LYT at 3:21 AM | Comments (131)
September 9, 2005
Appendicitis has its perks, plus Canada
I've been on jury duty for the past two days. Might have gone on through Monday except that I had an urgent need to go to the bathroom while in court, and I explained to the judge that I had had stomach surgery recently. He let me go, then dismissed me moments later on medical grounds.
Like the last time I did this, there's a tendency to put you on a jury at the last minute during the day, telling you it's too late to make a selection, and ordering you back the next day. This made one law professor woman on our jury really mad, and she kept arguing with the judge, who finally yelled at her. It got her dismissed, which is what she wanted.
In other news, I'm going to Canada in a week and a half to be on the set of Lucky McKee's "Masters of Horror" episode for Showtime. I'll be there a week, and with any luck will be doing non-spoilerish blogging from the set, taking awesome photos that I may be able to show you even sooner than the ones I took two years ago from THE WOODS that I STILL haven't publicly revealed yet.
I've seen a photo of the "villain" of the piece and it is very cool. Can't say any more on that at the moment.
Posted by LYT at 7:51 PM | Comments (1)
Reviews
Sorry for the delay. Blame jury duty.
"What's truly amazing about A Sound of Thunder is how utterly unaware everyone seems to be that the whole thing is both shoddy and ridiculous. The technology used by Ryer and his colleagues looks as if it came out of Adam West's Batcave, and the notion of giving a talking computer a silly name like T.A.M.I. was ridiculed to death in Team America. The special effects are crap, and we even get the token black guy who gets mortally injured and gives the hero a speech about how he has to go on. Ryer watches at a safe distance while his darker-skinned pal gets eaten by monsters, and only then does he proceed. What a dick. "
the rest HERE
"At this year's Comic-Con International in San Diego, geek god Bruce Campbell introduced a sneak-preview screening of El Crimen Perfecto. This mistakenly caused many fans to think that he was in the movie, but though he's not, it's exactly the sort of film he would be in. Campbell's principal shtick is that of an overexaggerated leading man who's not as cool as he thinks he is, and inevitably ends up physically abused and humiliated for laughs. Rafael is in the same mold, though there's also a touch of John Cleese's Basil Fawlty persona at work, in the insane frustrations the man must suffer to please a harridan of a wife, or wife-to-be. Like Fawlty Towers, the humor can at times be so painful that you'll feel bad for laughing."
whole thing HERE
The R rating has since been reduced to PG-13 for An Unfinished Life, but otherwise, the review remains vaild:
"Redford has spent a decade or two pretending he's still a young man on-screen, but here he finally gives it up, sinking his teeth into full-on cranky-curmudgeon mode, muttering profanities under his breath (which seems to be the only reason for the film's R rating), and yelling at that damn kid to get down off of his tree. Freeman periodically slips into his now-standard shtick of being the stern-voiced conscience of all those around him. (Please, Morgan, please take a role as a liar soon -- your acting muscles depend on it.) But he has problems of his own, mostly in the form of injuries inflicted by a bear that disfigured half his face and rendered him unable to walk. "
whole thing THIS WAY
and a quickie on Transporter 2:
Why do people still agonize over the casting of the next James Bond, when the Transporter series already combines the preposterousness and Englishness of that dated franchise with the fighting chops of Jackie Chan? Jason Statham returns as Frank Martin, the guy who’ll drive anything anywhere for the right price; in this case, he’s the chauffeur for a small boy who gets kidnapped by an evil druglord’s mercenary (Alessandro Gassman). Much action ensues, and director Louis Leterrier almost redeems himself for the godawful Unleashed. The CG-enhanced vehicle chases look too fake, but the hand-to-hand combat scenes are the best of the year (Corey Yuen once again takes charge). If there’s any disappointment, it’s that the showdown between Frank and psycho-lingerie-hitwoman poster-babe Lola (model-turned-singer-turned-actress Kate Nauta) is shorter than it oughta be. François Berléand returns as the French cop who assists Frank, and Keith David is wasted in a small part as a cop on his tail. Most interesting is that the music used to score the Sin City trailer is on the soundtrack here.
Posted by LYT at 1:38 AM | Comments (3)
Next Friday is "National Prayer and Remembrance Day"?
Someone explain to me why that's constitutional and school prayer is not.
Religiously observant people pray every day, and the rest don't care/don't want prayer forced on them. Let's just deal with remembrance.
Posted by LYT at 1:35 AM | Comments (8)
September 8, 2005
Crash Today
I finally saw that movie CRASH that everyone's been talking about. Not the Cronenberg "sex and car crashes" flick from about 6 years back, but rather Paul Haggis' multi-character, multi-vignette movie about L.A. and prejudice, starring the likes of Don Cheadle, Larenz Tate, Brendan Fraser, Sandra Bullock, Ludacris, Ryan Phillippe, Matt Dillon, and more.
I expected to either love or hate it more. To its credit, I kept watching without pausing the DVD once. With so many characters having their own little subplots, you don't get bored. It's slick like that.
But it doesn't feel like the work of someone who actually lives in L.A., or if they do, they don't interact with it much.
The film's thesis: Everyone in L.A. is a racist dickhole. But hey, don't hate them, because they love their families when the rest of us aren't looking!
Practically every character actually utters racial epithets or racial caricaturing out loud at some point to someone of another race, which in actuality would be a great way to lose your job. No-one here does. And if there's a character who doesn't seem racist, chances are they act out later on. We know this is all Really Significant because choral music kicks in on the soundtrack every time the Curse of Stereotyping goes into effect.
People have said that it's good to see actors like Sandra Bullock and Brendan Fraser stretching a little bit, and it is. But no one character gets a whole lot of screen time, so the stretching they actually do isn't for very long. I estimate about two days of work here for Bullock, max.
Haggis can't resist the MAGNOLIA touch, either, ending his movie with a freakish weather event (not as freakish as frogs, however) that plays like a cheap stunt.
Overall, I dunno -- this might just be Oscar-bait. It's the sort of movie that makes people feel like they've heard an important statement without actually having said anything much. And it's very watchable.
Posted by LYT at 7:06 AM | Comments (2)
September 6, 2005
To Three Extremes, they rock a Miike like a vandal...
So, you think you're a jaded filmgoer? Unshakeable? Can't find any horror movies to creep you out any more?
Three...Extremes isn't done with it's opening credits by the time it has shown, in graphic detail, baby fetuses being chopped up and made into dumplings.
Shall I go on?
The anthology horror movie is a fine tradition, from the '60s UK version of TALES FROM THE CRYPT to THE MONSTER CLUB to TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE. THREE...EXTREMES is the latest, and brings together three of Asia's most twisted directors: Korea's Park Chan-Wook (OLDBOY), Japan's Takashi Miike (ahhh, now you get the headline pun), and China's Fruit Chan (who I admit I never heard of before).
"Extreme" is a word that really gets overused. I can accept "extreme sports" as a term for stuff like skateboarding, but when you see candy that's labeled "EXTREME grape flavor!" for instance, the word has lost its meaning. And much as I enjoy Vanilla Ice (bring it, haters!), he had less right than almost any other rapper to name an album "To The Extreme."
But if you're familiar with any of those three directors, you might expect that THREE...EXTREMES lives up to its name. And you would be correct. (I know the three ellipses in the name are annoying, but they're part of it. They don't represent anything ommitted, just three dots for three films, as best I can tell.)
So anyway, Fruit Chan's "Dumplings" is the one with the fetuses. It's kind of a Chinese retelling of the Elizabeth Bathory legend, or the South park episode where Christopher Reeve recovered his youth by drinking the blood of fetuses. Bai Ling is Aunt Mei, eternally young as a result of the rather novel way she combines her twin skills of cooking and performing back-alley abortions. But she doesn't just use the stuff herself -- she's smart enough to know that there's a huge profit to be had in a fountain of youth, even if the means are unsavory.
The second film is Park's "Cut." In the tradition of the third segment of THE MONSTER CLUB, it begins with one horror story, then reveals it to be just a movie, and goes into an even nastier tale involving the director, held hostage in his own home by a crazed former extra who has tied up the man's wife in a web of piano wires, and threatens to cut off one of her fingers every minute unless the director agress to strangle an innocent child who's bound and gagged on the couch. Upping the stakes is the fact that the wife is a professional musician who depends on her fingers for a living.
I'd like to see a remake of this starring Gregory Hatanaka and Douglas Dunning. I can dream...
Finally, Miike uncharacteristically offers the most restrained of the tales, a ghost story about a former circus contortionist and her dead sister, where nothing is as it seems. Unlike most of Miike's films save AUDITION, it's very quiet and relatively gore-free, but it still involves twisted themes on a par with teh previous two segments.
And Hillary Clinton's mad at Grand Theft Auto. Jeez.
I'd like to give huge props to Lions Gate Films for picking this up, as they've dropped the ball in regards to independent and foreign horror in the past (offered for your consideration: MAY and HIGH TENSION). Maybe Rob Zombie went in and shook Tom Ortenberg up a little. Whatever the case, LGF now seems intent on branding itself as a horror company, and a ballsy one at that.
Clearly, THREE...EXTREMES is not a movie for everyone. But for those of you who are sick of politicians scoring cheap points at the expense of popular culture, come embrace this large middle finger that's pointing their way. It's artful, too.
THREE...EXTREMES opens in limited release Oct. 28, but it has already played several festivals and may do so again before formally opening. And of course it is quite likely available on DVD in Asia already.
Posted by LYT at 7:11 PM | Comments (5)
Reader email of the day
A contemporary Psalm, found in my Inbox this afternoon:
"Bush is my shepherd; I dwell in want.
He maketh logs to be cut down in national forests.
He leadeth trucks into the still wilderness.
He restoreth my fears.
He leadeth me in the paths of international disgrace for his ego's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of pollution and war,
I will find no exit, for thou art in office.
Thy tax cuts for the rich and thy media control, they discomfort me.
Thou preparest an agenda of deception in the presence of thy religion.
Thou annointest my head with foreign oil.
My health insurance runneth out.
Surely megalomania and false patriotism shall follow me
all the days of thy term, and my jobless child shall dwell in
my basement forever.
AMEN"
Posted by LYT at 1:42 PM | Comments (1)
State of the Mind
I think I'm dealing with some delayed post-surgery depression. At times I'll find myself wishing I were back in hospital, which makes no sense when I recall having to hit the commode every 30 minutes, and having tubes hanging out.
My abs still ache like sore muscles at the end of every day. I've started going back to the gym but am avoiding sit-ups and the like. Fortunately it's decent enough weather for swimming, which helps a bit with muscle pain.
Being a shut-in messes with my head, as it would anyone's. But it seems like everyone I know is away or busy. Fortunately I do have one or two possible trips out of state planned.
It's time for a change. Significant changes are good every three years. Those of you who want me to lose the hair may yet get your wish.
And hey, the first of the bunch of movies I've been doing actually premieres this month. Hoping for the best of luck for the others.
Posted by LYT at 12:53 AM | Comments (12)
September 5, 2005
Ticket to ride
Via Atrios, found this quote on CNN.com:
"I am stunned by an interview I conducted with New Orleans Detective Lawrence Dupree. He told me they were trying to rescue people with a helicopter and the people were so poor they were afraid it would cost too much to get a ride and they had no money for a "ticket." Dupree was shaken telling us the story. He just couldn't believe these people were afraid they'd be charged for a rescue."
Why did that sound familiar to me? Oh yeah:
"Ain't you got any friends who can drive you to the hospital? Cuz we're gonna charge ya!"
Posted by LYT at 6:53 PM | Comments (2)
Weekend movie marathon
I rented EASY RIDER, TOUCH OF EVIL, I STAND ALONE, and XXX: STATE OF THE UNION. No prize for guessing which one was by far the worst, but let's take them one at a time.
EASY RIDER
Interesting watching this right now, as the movie deals with lost ideals and has New Orleans as the ultimate representation of same. I was struck by how similar the movie was to THE BROWN BUNNY, which I don't remember coming up a lot in reviews of that flick. It also has a similar feel to Vincent Gallo's previous BUFFALO '66 -- I'll bet that EASY RIDER is one of his favorite movies.
Both RIDER and BUNNY feature meandering road trips across America's last wide open spaces, lead characters who have a definite goal in mind and a plan to get laid, but when they do, they realize that it's the last gasp of the life they've known, and death and loss lie ahead.
It's a little tough to watch EASY RIDER on a TV set in the middle of the day. I get easily distracted at home, as opposed to on the big screen, and I paused it several times. Hey, didja know Toni Basil is in EASY RIDER? I didn't.
Dennis Hopper is impressive as a director. The drug deal that goes down by the airport, with no audio except the landing of the planes, is great visual storytelling. The trip-out sequence in New Orleans feels like an actual trip-out. The way he flickers back and forth between scenes as a transitional device -- nice.
I do feel that there's a bit of a void at the center of the film, and that void is named Peter Fonda. I don't feel like I know him at all, or have any sense of where he's coming from. In New Orlenas, there's a hint that maybe he recently lost a loved one, which goes a little way towards it, but when he famously says "We blew it," I can't really say what caused this sudden revelation for him. Hopper's character I totally get. And Jack Nicholson -- god damn, I didn't know this guy was capable of stretching! He's been Grinning Sunglasses Guy for so long that we've forgotten he has talent too. Here he does an accent, and disappears into character. Bravo.
The commune is something that isn't really around as a popular idea today, but the whole discussion of freedom, and how conservatives proclaim it but then get scared and violent towards people who truly act free, seems almosta s relevant now as it did then. I think rednecks aren't quite as freaked out by weird stuff nowadays; with omnipresent cable and Internet, they've become accustomed to hip-hop and other global trends. I certainly don't get lynched because of my hair. But there's still an element of that in small town rural life.
The music presumably was hip at the time, now it's perfect period stuff. Few directors are that good at making soundtrack selections -- FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH is the only other one that comes to mind as working in the same way.
I don't think I'll watch EASY RIDER again, but it's a well-made piece for sure.
Posted by LYT at 3:36 PM | Comments (2)
Labor Day
Please take a moment to honor the working men and women of America. Especially while many of them just recently lost their lives, because they were told they'd be fired if they left town before the hurricane hit.
No-one needs to be told to support the troops, or the police, or the firemen. Yet fishermen have a higher mortality rate than the police. How many people have bumper stickers supporting them?
Someone on another blog recently said that doing one's duty is not heroic. I disagree. Doing one's duty without hope of reward IS heroic. So many people do far less.
Soldiers get medals; they do have the hope of glory. Cops get medals too. I'm not sure if firemen do.
But coal-miners? No medals. Just back-breaking labor their whole lives, and a near-certainty of black-lung disease taking them before their time.
Plumbers? No medals. Just a lifetime of wallowing in shit.
And yet if you were to sport a bumper-sticker saying "I support the working people," chances are some asshole would accuse you of being a socialist.
My line of work has ample opportunity for glory. You don't need to give me respect, because if I succeed, the rewards are guaranteed to be great.
I will probably never suffer injuries because of my job, nor do I have to work 9-5 for an unappreciative boss.
Those of you who do, and especially those of you who do without complaining, I salute you. This is your day.
If you eat out today, tip your waiter big-time. Remember, many people work shitty jobs to ensure that the rest of us lead a good life. The nature of our society is that there will always be people who have to do the crap jobs.
Realize that your life depends on theirs, and honor that. It's a more consistent sacrifice than even the troops give.
They are the real heroes.
Posted by LYT at 1:46 AM | Comments (3)
September 4, 2005
I promised, and my web guy delivered
You'll find a few new links on the links page. Donna Barstow's link works now, and I've added Marc Cooper, Bloody Disgusting, David Ehrenstein, Cinerati, and Media Matters for America (which more-or-less replaces the now-defunct Spinsanity).
Yeah, I could put hyperlinks in the post above, but then you wouldn't go to my new and improved links page. So if you care, do it.
Posted by LYT at 11:07 PM | Comments (0)
Even more bad news
Supreme Court Chief Justice William Rehnquist has died.
Chief Justice Scalia, anyone?
Posted by LYT at 2:45 AM | Comments (0)
September 3, 2005
just asking...
Does anyone have anything frivolous to talk about? Because there really isn't much we can do about the other thing besides donating.
Posted by LYT at 1:39 PM | Comments (14)
September 2, 2005
I need to update some links
With the new hosting system, it's not as easy for me to do so regularly. But there are one or two changes that are overdue.
So while I'm at it, are there any others? Is it worth it for me to keep Spinsanity on there when they no longer update, for example? Do any of you have some fabulous site I'm not aware of (no guarantee that I'll link it, but I'll at least consider)?
Posted by LYT at 7:37 PM | Comments (2)
If They Fighted
In tribute to Reuben's birthday, it's time to play his favorite speculation game.
I will name several pairs of participants, and stipulations. You, the readers, must tell me "If him, and him, if they fighted...Whowouldwin?"
And you can't just pick a name. You must also answer the follow-up question "Why, what would he do?"
Ready?
David N. Scott and ReJeKt (sumo match)
Batman vs. The Rock, WWE rules (i.e. no cape or utilitiy belt or body armor, one fall to the finish)
Spawn versus everyone in the Ultimate Fighting Championship, all at once (Reuben actually asked me this once)
King Kong and Ash from the Evil Dead movies
Young Bobby the Brain Heenan versus Young Gorilla Monsoon (Lumberjack match)
George W. Bush versus James Carville (thumb wrestling match, best of three)
Douglas Dunning vs. James Duval
Posted by LYT at 12:04 PM | Comments (15)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY REUBEN!
In tribute to my bro, I'm going to try to reproduce, more or less phonetically, the standard conversation I usually have with him. Imagine several pictures of monsters spread out on a table, or the walls.
"If HIIIM...and HIIIM...If dey fighted...Whowouldwin?"
"That one"
"What about if him and him fighted him...but he could FLYYYY...Denwhowouldwin?"
"I don't know, maybe those two?"
"Could, um, could those TWO...could they beat King Kong and Superman?"
"Yes"
"Why, what would they do?"
"I think they could hurt them with their claws."
"But maybe King Kong could bite them!"
"Maybe"
"Can the Rock beat Hulk Hogan?"
"Yes, he did one time."
"Wait. But can't Hulk Hogan beat everybody?"
"Sometimes"
"Why, what can he do?"
imagine this conversation extending on for ten hours, and you get the idea...
Happy seven to my favorite guy.
Posted by LYT at 12:03 AM | Comments (6)
September 1, 2005
On a lighter note
One of our favorite insane religious movie critics (there are so many, these days), has finally answered the question: If depictions of sin in movies are so bad, what about the depictions of sin in the Bible?
Most of his answer is a pathetic cop-out. But one part seems to unintentionally reveal a pathology:
"reading "was killed by" is a l-o-t different than watching and hearing someone thrust a 14" knife into a man's body, repeatedly, slowly at first, seeing the steel of the blade disappear, appearing more stained with each withdrawal as blood spews, splatters and pools, the body twitching with each new thrust until it twitches no more then pumping eight rounds of .45 bullets into the body with steely coldness to make viciously and brutally certain the victim is dead. As graphic as that description is, in text it is not nearly as invasive as seeing it in action on the larger-than-life screen plus hearing the viciousness of it in 1000 watts of chest-thumping audio power. "
Wow. Each new thrust? Chest-thumping audio power?
Anyone else think Rev. Carder's getting a wee bit too excited?
Posted by LYT at 10:55 PM | Comments (16)
No political commentary, just a quote
"I don't think anyone anticipated the breach of the levees."
-George W. Bush, interviewed by Diane Sawyer.
Posted by LYT at 5:31 PM | Comments (13)
If it's not Scott-ish, it's CRAP!
Donna Barstow writes me, regarding the Moveon.org entry below: "Stop and think. Did you ever ever use the word dunno before David N. Scott showed up?"
I did a search, and the answer is yes. Since almost day one.
http://www.lytrules.com/weblog/archives/001059.php
So technically, David is ripping ME off.
Posted by LYT at 5:01 PM | Comments (2)
When it comes to making donations...
On Marc Cooper's recommendation, I chose Operation USA. Unlike some other groups, they aren't buying supplies on the open market for jacked-up prices -- they already have them and just need to get them out.
Also, one of the things about disasters like this is that often, there's an outpouring of donations and the organizations get more money than they need for a particular crisis -- the Red Cross on 9/11 is one example. OPUSA deals with disaster relief across the globe, so unless you earmark a donation specially, the money goes where it's most needed, which might not necessarily be New Orleans. Some of the Asia tsunami folks still need aid, for example.
It's hard to give a whole lot when I'm still in debt to the medicinal industry myself; but even small amounts add up.
Posted by LYT at 12:42 PM | Comments (2)
Dunno if this counts as political...
...but Moveon.org has set up a site to help Katrina refugees find housing.
I'm often amazed by the venom some have for this organization. Surely this proves that they at least mean well.
Posted by LYT at 12:31 PM | Comments (1)
"The American Army is a Fag Army"
Also God is a terrorist, and the Pope is in Hell.
Sadly, not a joke. I find it utterly insane that people think like these guys. I link not to endorse, but to expose stupidity.
Posted by LYT at 1:51 AM | Comments (2)
It's review day, and we have a lot to cover
I notice that some other bloggers actually expressed interest in this movie:
"So, yeah, Ashlee Simpson's in Undiscovered, and she sings. And you'll be glad when she does, because it's a huge improvement over Steven Strait. Ashlee's better at acting and singing than her more famous sister Jessica, but that's no great feat; might as well add that she'd make a better brain surgeon, too."
the rest HERE
and then there's Underclassman:
"[Nick]Cannon plays Tre, a young bicycle cop on the Venice Beach beat who aspires to be a detective even after a chase sequence ends in rampant destruction -- for which Tre's police report features the line "I was all up on they ass." You might wonder how a youngster with sloppy language and sloppy policing skills ended up a cop, but then you see that the chief of police is Cheech Marin. Clearly he was high when he made that hire."
the rest HERE
I haven't forgotten foreign film fans either:
"If The Memory of a Killer were not mostly in Flemish, it would be easy to mistake for a Hollywood movie. The story of a hit man with a conscience and the cop who is always a step or two behind him as they pursue the same villains, it's full of familiar reference points, including the John Woo cliché of pigeons flying in slow motion. No surprise, then, that Focus Features is set to remake it. If they're smart, they'll get Clint Eastwood interested, and the result might be better than the original."
more HERE
Nor did I neglect the Cole Hauser fans, all two of them:
"Viewers of those VH1 nostalgia countdown shows are familiar with the term "awesomely bad," denoting a song that one hates to love because it's unintentionally tacky and awful, yet there's something about it that won't let you dismiss it entirely. It's also a fine way to describe The Cave, but chances are that once you know it stars Cole Hauser, no further explanation is necessary."
Keep READING
And then I also did two short reviews:
ETERNAL
Take Basic Instinct, replace Sharon Stone with infamous 16th century blood-bather Countess Bathory (Caroline Neron), and you’d be close. Set in present-day Montreal, this movie suggests that Bathory’s literal blood-baths really did make her immortal, and she’s busy nowadays seducing lesbians in chat-rooms, one of whom happens to be the wife of a cop (kickboxer Conrad Pla, who doesn’t kickbox in this film) who’s heavy into S&M on the side. The script is paced like a porno movie, with every new development seemingly designed to set up a sex scene, but with one very quick exception, all the sex involves fully clothed individuals. Neron and Pla look like porn stars and have about the same level of acting ability. Don’t let the “Unrated” label fool you -- the flick promises kink and delivers next-to-nothing. McFarlane Toys made an action figure of Bathory last year, posed naked in a tub; staring at it for 108 minutes is more of a turn-on than watching Eternal.
MARGARET CHO: ASSASSIN
Is Margaret Cho trying to set a world record for number of theatrically released stand-up concert movies? Sure seems that way, with the frequency she turns them out. By now, you probably know if you’re a fan or not, though to a newcomer, it’s hard to see why her audience seems so much more rabid than that of other, funnier comics. The secret seems to be in her appeal to the gay community, which she refers to as “us” despite, y’know, being married to a dude. Certainly her frequent obnoxious lapses into Ebonics don’t seem likely to endear much of the black community. Cho is funniest when relaying unexpected personal anecdotes, like her experiences using the official Jeff Stryker dildo, or her only meeting with John Kerry, whom she compares to Treebeard from Lord of the Rings. She’s less interesting when trying to be topical, uttering standard-issue platitudes about media hype and Republican hypocrisy that you’ve likely heard many times before from many others.
Posted by LYT at 12:18 AM | Comments (1)