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July 31, 2008

The Dummy Re-Burns

I wasn't planning on even reviewing this movie.

After five days at Comic-Con, having to take notes on everything and process it all immediately, I was looking forward to seeing something that required no effort to think about, and no note-taking. Especially after the Monday drive that I thought would be a breeze relative to Sunday's standard mass-exodus from San Diego suddenly turned into double-time because it seemed like people were having a free-for-all on accidents, including one big truck with a boat on its trailer that took up four lanes and backed traffic up to San Diego all the way from Oceanside.

I finally made it to L.A. just in time to see THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR (henceforth to be referred to only as MUMMY 3 to save time), and wanted to just relax and see pixels a-flyin'.

And then the movie disappointed me even on that basic level in so many ways, that I just felt the need to (a) complain and (b) warn those of you who are hoping for the same thing I was.

I don't mind dumb, loud, plotless movies. What I hate is when they try to cram in a whole ton of plot that adds nothing to the movie. In other words, if I'm going to see a movie about a guy who wakes up an evil supernatural warrior, and then has to fight him, I don't need 5-minute speeches about the backstory between every major scene.

My warning radar went up during the endless prelude sequence involving emperor Han (Jet Li) in ancient China. So many wonderful sets, such great production values, and all are breezed through quickly, with non-stop narration that tells us what we are seeing (it's as if this theater suddenly switched to the "descriptive" alternate audio they sometimes have for blind people). Basically, Han, who has magic powers over the elements (fire, wind, water, etc.; not the periodic table) wants to live forever, and seeks out a witch (Michelle Yeoh) who can grant him that power. But then she falls for Han's main general, Han has the guy ripped apart by horses (yet his reanimated corpse later shows up with limbs attached), the witch curses Han, and he turns into a statue, with his soldiers all becoming terracotta warriors.

Let us pause for a moment to point out that turning someone to stone is not the same as mummifying. It's closer to fossilization, one might say. Except that if you called this movie THE FOSSIL, people might assume it was a new Michael Moore movie about John McCain.

MUMMY 3 takes place about ten years after MUMMY 2, with Rachel Weisz' Evey having grown older and turned into Maria Bello (the script's sly acknowledgment of this switcheroo is the sole amusing thing in the movie), and son Alex having grown up and turned into Aussie hunk Luke Ford (not to be confused with Aussie porn-blogger-turned-Orthodox-Jew Luke Ford, though that would have made for a better movie; he could torture the Mummy to death by locking it in the back of his serial-killer van and reading aloud every single transcript of every online chat he's ever had). Rick O'Connell, however, is still Brendan Fraser, and doesn't look a day older.

Lo and behold, contrivance arranges for all of them to be in China, where Evey's brother Jonathan (John Hannah) has opened a Mummy-themed nightclub, and Alex has unearthed yet another one of those ancient tombs that has thousand-year-old clockwork booby traps which still work. You know the ones. In short order, Han is back as a living stone creature with a hellfire-like inner energy; and searches for Shangri-La, where he can find the elixir to bring him back to full (albeit super-powered) humanity.

It's instructive to compare this whole venture to INDIANA JONES 4: There's the father/son/angry wife dynamic, a similar army of communists who cause a trusted partner to betray his friend, and lots of CGI. I liked INDY 4, but all those who complained about CG, young Shia, "nuking the fridge," fake-looking monkeys, MacGuffins with illogical powers, and a stupid ending...will find ten times as much to complain about here. Honestly, it's ridiculous that the first MUMMY movie in this series, from 1999, has better digital effects than either of its sequels.

There are three couples at the center of MUMMY 3: Han and the witch, Rick and Evey, and Alex with the witch's daughter Lin (Isabella Leong). Director Rob Cohen can't seem to decide which is the principal one, and thus gives all of them short shrift; however, it's notable, and pathetic, that Rick and Evey could easily be cut out of the story completely without affecting the plot much. Rick is, in this flick, the most passive and least proactive "action hero" I've seen in ages.

Every key plot point in the story is arbitrary. Why is Shangri-La so absurdly easy to find, and why therefore has it not been found previously? How is it that that one special dagger can kill Han? Why will his soldiers become immortal the moment they cross the Great Wall? Why is he initially frozen in stone in one pose, then dug up in a different pose? Why can't Jet Li kick Brendan Fraser's ass?

The overall effect, really, is like the American version of the original GODZILLA, or an old Corman movie fashioned from purchased footage and reshoots -- it's as if someone found existing scenes of a Chinese historical epic, shot some new scenes with American actors, spliced them together with some creative dubbing and tortuous exposition in a feeble attempt to make the whole thing have some kind of sense, and then pretend it's the sequel to an existing movie people know and like in order to cash in.

I'm not even a Rob Cohen basher. I think I'm the only person in the world who had fun watching STEALTH, DRAGONHEART was fun, and the original FAST AND THE FURIOUS was as good as a movie of its type can be. But there's no sense of fun to this at all. He has a potentially good hook in the notion that Rick and Evey can only become sexually aroused by putting their lives in danger, but doesn't do much with it. And casting actors who have to adopt bad fake accents doesn't help -- Bello's "English" and Ford's "American" simply don't hold up.

The less said about the scenes involving John Hannah and a yak, the better. Okay, maybe just a little -- the yak vomits on him, and later he proposes marriage to it. Seriously.

On a tangential note, there's a direct-to-video sequel coming up for THE SCORPION KING, which was itself a prequel to a MUMMY sequel. Needless to say, Dwayne Johnson will not be returning; in his place is middle-aged UFC champ Randy "The Natural" Couture. Are you excited yet?

Posted by LYT at 3:04 PM | Comments (0)

July 29, 2008

WICKED LAKE release date announced for DVD

Fever Dreams LLC. Proudly announces the North American DVD release of WICKED LAKE on the Shriek Show label. The WICKED LAKE DVD streets on Tuesday, October 7th and will be available at fine retailers everywhere. The disc will be fully loaded with some wild extras including an audio commentary, deleted scenes, bloopers, still gallery, trailers and more!

“… A standout brain-sucking sequence…” - Laura Kern, NEW YORK TIMES

“Vile!” – V.A. Musetto, NEW YORK POST

“… Twisted, female-focused horror tale… fans of industrial rock will enjoy the soundtrack, designed by Ministry front man Al Jourgensen.” – Andy Mauro, FanTasia.com

“Wicked Lake is definitely one of the most wickedly demented films I've seen in a while… No punches are pulled in this mofo, and if gorehounds don't get their fill in this bad ass bane of bloodletting nothing will suffice.” - Brian King, creature-corner.com

"A film you will not forget... Gut wrenching... Bad to the bone and a horror film that sets new standards..." - Mike Skurko, SFINDIE "ANOTHER HOLE IN THE HEAD" Festival, San Francisco

“A pretty damn fun film… has some of the most original deaths I’ve seen on the screen… and there’s an overall sense of humor…” - Johnny Butane, DreadCentral.com

“… A bevy of beautiful babes and a killer soundtrack…”
- Molly Celaschi, Horroryearbook.com

“… Moments of genius… it's got naked babes, a killer soundtrack (industrialized cover songs by Ministry) and it keeps you guessing… Freex like me will get a kick out of It. “ - Rev. Phantom, Phantamorte

“FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! For the current generation.”
- Sean Decker, Fangoria.com

“If endless boobs and blood are your idea of a good movie, look no further than WICKED LAKE… the gore is great.” - Heather Seabach, Shocktillyoudrop.com

Posted by LYT at 2:38 PM | Comments (4)

I'm back

With a new teaser pic for y'all...

Posted by LYT at 2:35 AM | Comments (0)

July 24, 2008

Con-ning Me

I'm in San Diego and won't be posting much on this blog. But you will see posts of mine surface HERE, as well as some other places whose URLs I'm not sure of quite yet.

Posted by LYT at 8:26 AM | Comments (2)

July 22, 2008

Old, but I just saw it the other night...

Posted by LYT at 3:28 PM | Comments (4)

ONE DAY at a time

A friend passed along this DVD screener from a friend of his. I have no direct connection to the writer-director, Paul Todisco, nor to the production, but one thing I've been thinking about doing more is reviewing undistributed films, especially if they deserve to be distributed. I think this one does.

How many films does it take to define a subgenre? You're all familiar with the "Malaise in Suburbia" movies like AMERICAN BEAUTY and LITTLE CHILDREN, but they in turn seem to have inspired something else, which for want of a better term I'll call "apocalyptic suburbia." In these movies, such as THE CHUMSCRUBBER or HALF-LIFE, the ills and pills that gnaw at the insides of the perfect facade are also connected to the backdrop of a literal potential apocalypse, a sense that the world outside this community is headed for armageddon, fast (an odd stylistic detail is that all of these movies, so far, also include animated dream sequences depicting a post-apocalypse world).

ONE DAY LIKE RAIN is the only one of these movies that I've really liked. At least, I think I liked it. I'm not entirely sure what happened in it. Todisco keeps things pretty abstract, and a second or maybe third viewing may be required in order to get everything.

But what I think is going on is that a hot young thang named Gina (Samantha Figura) somehow has the power to rejuvenate the world while at the same time destroying half it, using the materials found in home chemistry sets. Or something like that. Honestly, the first time you watch the movie you may be distracted by Gina and her friend Jennifer (Marina Resa) in skimpy bathing suits, or the way Todisco frames a shot of the sky against the curvature of Figura's breasts. I'm guessing he didn't expect me to be paying attention to the plot at those moments.

Anyhow, dream logic is at work here, and Todisco dutifully follows the two major David Lynch rules of low-budget filmmaking:

#1: You can never have too many bass-heavy rumbles on the soundtrack.

#2: Darkness, especially the absolutely pitch black kind, is scary in and of itself.

If these sound sarcastic, they're not. Seriously, both work. MAD COWGIRL also respects those rules. Douglas W. Shannon's cinematography is masterful (yes, it's more than just darkness and boob curvature), and should earn him some great gigs in the future.

I'd talk more about the plot except I'm not sure I know what it is. In an unnecessary crib from WILLOW, the movie's tagline is "Forget all you know, or think you know." Does that imply that the finger with the power to change the world is my own thumb? Probably Gina's, in this context.

Anyway, main point is that this movie is playing at 7:15 p.m. at the Sunset 5 this Friday. If you're not at Comic-Con, it's one of the better things you could be watching.

Posted by LYT at 12:00 PM | Comments (2)

July 20, 2008

Fast Food Review: Rubio's Gourmet Tacos

I don't know how many people actually liked these when I did 'em for OCW, but they're the sort of thing I would want to read.

I love Rubio's. Even though they insist on asking me my first name every time so they can call me by it instead of a number. It even got particularly creepy when, one time, the clerk, having remembered my name, actually called to me from behind as I was leaving, "Take care, Luke! See you later, brother!" I'm sorry, I don't need him to call me Mr. Thompson or anything, but I'd really rather the guy not pretend to be my bestest buddy all of a sudden.

Jack in the Box used to ask my name, but they seem to have stopped that. Good for them.

But anyway, Rubio's regular menu is good stuff, as is their Vanilla Coke on tap, and their home-made salsas beat Baja Fresh and El Pollo Loco by an orange county mile. However, not all their promo items work. The super nachos they had for a while were crap, and these grilled gourmet tacos are a mixed bag.

You see the picture above as you enter, and peruse the choices: shrimp, chicken, steak, or portobello/poblano. Sounds good. But unless you look at the actual menu board, you lose one crucial detail:

These things are also full of bacon.

Well, except the portobello one, which is vegetarian (but not vegan, not even close). To me, this is a horrible thing to do to seafood. Now, I've been to plenty of parties where bacon-wrapped shrimp or scallops have been served, and I never got that either, unless it's a deliberate trick to alienate the Jews by combining items they can't eat.

So I ordered one shrimp and one portobello, but the shrimp one was so loaded with bacon I actually returned it. They said they'd make me another one without, but when that one finally came, it was plainly the same one with the bacon picked out (I could tell because not all of it had been gotten out). Since it was kinda my stupid fault, I pressed the issue no further.

Aside from the bacon, though, these things are decent, and the portobello one is best. They have a rather interesting layer of cheese inside, that's been grilled so it sticks to the tortilla like another layer, so long that it almost has an eggy consistency. As for the rest, well, the description is above.

I wish they'd just permanently bring back the langostino burrito.

Posted by LYT at 10:31 PM | Comments (4)

July 19, 2008

Is there any such thing as a quiet neighborhood?

Every day it's something. If not a leafblower, then a weedwhacker, or a lawnmower, or a chainsaw, or a circular saw.

In Hollywood, the guys with leafblowers came once a week, and that was it.

I'm thinking of designing a t-shirt with a picture of a leafblower that has a red circle and line through it, plus the phrase "Use a fucking rake, asshole!"

And yes, I know the excuses. They don't get paid much so they need to work fast. I don't see that as justifying the extra noise and air pollution.

Posted by LYT at 12:42 PM | Comments (9)

July 18, 2008

Goodies for you this weekend.

At Hot Topic stores, anyone made up as The Joker today or tomorrow will get a 10% discount.

Also, if you support Barack Obama and want a free bumper sticker to show it, you can get one here.

Posted by LYT at 3:39 PM | Comments (0)

HAMLET 2 alters my Kevin Bacon number

WICKED LAKE's Michael Esparza is in HAMLET 2, along with Elisabeth Shue...who was in HOLLOW MAN with Kevin Bacon.

I think that's the closest connection so far.

Posted by LYT at 2:09 PM | Comments (2)

Trailer for RED

Initial observations: The trailer-cutting people can't even spell Jack Ketchum's fucking name correctly?

Oh, and Apple.com only acknowledges one director, even though the other of the two directors was in charge for more than 2/3 of production?

That aside, looks like it could be decent.

Posted by LYT at 3:03 AM | Comments (0)

Metallica's new album cover...

Posted by LYT at 12:50 AM | Comments (1)

July 17, 2008

Time to watch the WATCHMEN

scroll down...the images are too wide to fit at the top of this page...

keep scrolling...

it's worth it...

just below the Media Matters sidebar...

The new movie trailer is looking good...

But I'm curious -- if any of my readers actually don't know the story of WATCHMEN, how does this play to you?

Posted by LYT at 10:47 PM | Comments (1)

WHY SO DELIRIOUS?

(Note to readers: with so many reviews already out there, I requested permission from WB to post mine without further delay. They agreed.)

It only took seven live action features – yes, I’m counting the Adam West one – but finally, finally there’s a Batman onscreen that’s recognizable to me as the real deal. And – Holy Brokeback Mountain, Batman! – an honest-to-goodness, 99% accurate Joker as well! (The final percentage point is, as you must know by now, due to this Joker’s use of face paint rather than chemically bleached white skin. I thought it would be a deal-breaker, but it isn’t.)

Longtime readers will remember that I nitpicked the previous Batman movies to death. BATMAN BEGINS was on the right track, but its overlong origin, murky cinematography, and ham-fisted David Goyer dialogue made it more of a slog than it needed to be. But this, oh yeah, has pretty much all I wanted in a cinematic Batman. Stuff that shouldn’t have been hard to do before, except Hollywood kept screwing things up needlessly.

For instance: This may be the first Batman since Adam West to actually use detective skills! Imagine that! I mean, the DC in “DC Comics” only stands for “Detective Comics” in the first place (making the word “comics” after it redundant, but whatevs). I think this is also the first cinematic Batman since Adam West to not reveal his secret identity to anyone new. Also: He uses his martial arts skills! And he has a flexible costume that isn’t bulletproof or indestructible! (Morgan Freeman’s Lucius Fox makes a joke about this being the first Batsuit to allow Bruce to actually turn his head) This Batman shows up to crime scenes without looking ridiculous, disappears whenever Jim Gordon’s head is turned, has an appropriate air of self-righteousness, and is committed to preserving life; none of that “I’m not gonna kill you, but I don’t have to save you” stuff from last time. True, at times Christian Bale overdoes the fake Clint Eastwood voice that Batman adopts so that no-one will know it’s Bruce, and the black paint on the eyes still strikes me as a bit goofy. But this is Batman, folks, and if, like me, you’ve always thought the Paul Dini/Bruce Timm animated version was tops, you should be pretty happy with what Christopher Nolan has done this time around. Even officers Bullock and Montoya are here, although for some reason they’re not named Bullock and Montoya. Same characters, though, regardless of moniker.

Nolan even manages to do something no live-action Batman has ever even tried, creating a sequence in which Batman’s eye-slits glow white in the darkness, as they often do in the cartoons and comics. And it’s not just stylistic, either; there’s a plot-driven reason that I was so focused on initially that it wasn’t until the second viewing that I realized what was actually being achieved.

And characters refer to “the Batman,” just like in the comics. Hooray!

GET SMART features competing organizations known as “Control” and “Kaos,” but in THE DARK KNIGHT, we have the real deal: extremely self-controlled and disciplined Bruce Wayne, versus the chaos that is the Joker (Heath Ledger). Now, cosmetically this Joker seems different – as I said, he wears face paint, and has that Ichi the Killer scar across his mouth (will the movies ever realize that Joker in the comics doesn’t have a cosmetically forced grin, and even changes expression sometimes?), but his psychology is dead on. Part Clockwork Orange, part V for Vendetta (Alan Moore’s original, not the movie version), part Al-Qaeda terrorist, a little bit Jigsaw Killer from SAW (there’s an interrogation scene which bears an uncanny resemblance to the Donnie Walhberg-Tobin Bell encounter in SAW II), and even maintaining a little bit of Jack Nicholson’s “homicidal artist” take, this is a Joker who can brainstorm elaborate schemes that ultimately have no point except to amuse himself. He’ll rob a bank just so he can burn the money afterwards, and kill people’s loved ones just to mess with their heads. Nolan and Ledger both understand that the reason Joker is Batman’s ultimate foe is that, unlike other criminals, Joker’s actions cannot be predicted, because he rarely acts rationally or even in his own self-interest. He’d be perfectly happy to have Batman kill him, because that, much like the prospect of Luke Skywalker murdering Darth Vader in RETURN OF THE JEDI, would represent victory for evil, ruining and corrupting the hero by putting blood on his hands.

Tim Burton, needless to say, didn’t get that at all, which has always bothered me. Batman should never, EVER utter the line, “I’m gonna kill you!” Unless you’re doing 1930s Bob Kane Batman, which could be fun.

In what may be another Nicholsonian touch, this Joker also asks the same question of all his prey, though it’s no non-sequitur about the devil; instead, he asks if they know how he got the scars in his face. Then he tells the backstory...but it’s different every time. They think they’re learning his motives when they hear it, but he’s just fucking with them for the sake of another joke that’s funny only to him. The dialogue is much improved from BATMAN BEGINS, which is probably due to the fact that David Goyer was kept on story duty only, with Nolan and his brother Jonathan writing the actual script. Goyer tends to have good ideas, but his dialogue usually sucks big-time, so this is exactly how he should be utilized.

From the early clips and trailers, I was very nervous about Heath Ledger’s Wishmaster Djinn-meets-Mr. Moviefone voice (it’s no stretch to imagine hearing something like “To kill the Batman...PRESS ONE! To blow up a schoolbus...PRESS TWO!”). In small doses, it sounds like the overenunciation of a foreigner doing a fake American accent, which of course it is. And yet it works – the impression one gets is that Joker is barely holding it together enough to actually talk, and could descend into gibberish or hysterics at any second, so he is forcibly overenunciating to make sure that the correct words actually escape his lips. It’s an unusual take on the character, but definitely one with some thought behind it – it’s unlike any performance Ledger has given before (Oscar talk, however, is as premature as Ledger’s untimely death. Jeff Bridges in IRON MAN is a more nuanced villain.)

Gotham City itself is usually a major “character” in its own right, and I wasn’t a big fan of the BEGINS version, which placed Arkham Asylum in the middle of an island slum, and looked dirty brown (Anton Furst’s 1989 version still rules). Nolan seems determined not to have the city look gothic, but at least this time he gives it a blue tinge instead of brown, and shoots the action scenes at enough of a distance that you can see what’s going on. Batman also leaves the country at one point to go to Hong Kong, which is interesting, and stunning in IMAX. See it that way if you can – the screen opens up for most aerial cityscapes and major action sequences, and the clarity of detail is stunning. Not to mention the Batmobile will make your seats rumble.

There’s no Wayne Manor or Batcave here; we’re told that they’re still being rebuilt. Instead, Bruce has a penthouse apartment, and a mini-lair underneath the docks, accessible via a false storage container. I find it hard to believe that a man as rich as Bruce couldn’t rebuild his mansion immediately; but I suppose the point is to allow some creativity with the settings, as well as to portray Batman/Bruce as uprooted and off-balance. Laden with self-doubt this go-around, Bruce constantly wonders if Batman is actually doing more harm than good, and whether the city really needs a high-tech vigilante when it has a crusading do-gooder district attorney in Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart), a man unafraid to make enemies on all sides in the service of putting away blatant crooks and corrupt cops, the latter group having given him the nickname of “Harvey Two-Face” (har, har). Upping Bruce’s angst factor vis-à-vis Harvey is the fact that the righteous D.A. is now banging Bruce’s one true love Rachel Dawes (Maggie Gyllenhaal, a VAST improvement over Mrs. Cruise).

Comic fans, and anyone who saw BATMAN FOREVER, know what becomes of Dent that ultimately changes the dynamic. If you don’t know, there’s no need to spoil it, except perhaps to say that what ensues is one of many reasons to think twice about taking young children to this movie, no matter how much they love Batman. And I should add that Eckhart nails it in a way that Tommy Lee Jones couldn’t even approach, and Billy Dee Williams was never given the chance to. The Dent storyline also gives us the best explanation to date of what exactly the “Dark Knight” nickname means...but I certainly won’t spoil that. There are elements of Frank Miller’s Dark Knight Returns comic, but I’ll leave them for eagle-eyed fans to spot.

The Batman-Joker battle, on the other hand, has strong echoes of the War on Terror, but unlike most Hollywood movies (the V FOR VENDETTA “adaptation,” say), this doesn’t result in a simple-minded “baddies = Bush, goodies = regular Muslims” analogy. The Joker is very much the terrorist, while Batman must consider to what degree he’s willing to go outside the law to stop someone so dangerous. If you know people are going to die if you don’t act, is anything justifiable in the service of catching the perp? At what point do you become as bad as what you’re fighting? And do we need a bad guy on our side who’s willing to do the things we aren’t?

Better to see it as fiction than fact. If you’re worried that Nolan is going too realistic, however, take heart – this is not HEAT or THE GODFATHER or whatever; it is still a big-budget action movie with slam-bang sequences, futuristic weapons, and larger than life characters. That’s just not ALL there is. Batman and the Joker are not averse to fisticuffs and vehicle crashes, but first and foremost they use their brains to do battle, and everything and everyone else are just so many chess pieces.

The Joker actually quotes JERRY MAGUIRE at one point, probably not as a dig at Katie Holmes’ hubby, but for both a cheap laugh and a reiteration of Nolan’s theme of mutual escalation. It’s apropos in a larger sense too – I say this as a Bat-fan, and as a summer moviegoer...DARK KNIGHT, you complete me.

And to Christopher Nolan -- if you need a new Joker actor for the next one, here's my "audition"...

Posted by LYT at 3:16 PM | Comments (7)

July 16, 2008

Shooting PORN

I just got done shooting my scenes for Shane Ryan's AMATEUR PORN STAR KILLER 3-D. It was a lot of fun, and I hope that it's as fun to watch.

I was not involved in any sex or violence, though I did accidentally cut myself during a shaving scene. It worked out well.

I'm not going to spoil anything too much -- let's just say my character is something of a dunderheaded fan/follower of the killer from the previous movies, but his thinking evolves. We shot scenes that are supposed to take place over several days, all within the span of an hour or two. The dialogue is entirely improvised; Shane would suggest an idea, and then I'd freestyle it.

Though I haven't seen his films, I understand Shane often gets stereotyped as being like his homicidal and misogynist character in them. That's not the case at all; I found him to be an easygoing guy, and I think he was more disturbed by me!

I look forward to seeing how it all comes together.

Posted by LYT at 6:47 PM | Comments (1)

It's my birthday in seven days

I'll be in San Diego for Comic-Con eve.

But I wanted to give my usual heads-up -- if anyone is thinking of getting me something, please consider simply making a Paypal donation instead, via the gold button in the upper left-hand corner. I don't really need more possessions, but I do need money. And Paypal works if you're in another country, too.

Posted by LYT at 3:12 PM | Comments (0)

Crazy vids

In prior posts, I mentioned the strangeness that ensued when, for a kid growing up in Ireland, European cable channels were suddenly made available. From Italy, we had Sabrina showing nip-slips galore. But from other parts of the continent, weirder things emerged.

Ireland was barely used to American hip-hop; now it had to deal with German?

Along similar lines, this...I hadn't been old enough to register that they were actually sampling ABBA.

Again, bear in mind, this stuff was a big deal in Europe...in the late '80s!!!

Posted by LYT at 3:36 AM | Comments (2)

July 14, 2008

My Grandfather's Column

Confrontation and Concord

In the Churches as in the secular world confrontation appears to be more highly esteemed than concord. Yet there are certainly signs that concord is still highly valued; as it should be, for concord means the uniting of heart with heart, the intention sincerely to agree together. Members of the Church of England, like other Christians throughout the world have different opinions on all sorts of matters, notably on how the Bible should be interpreted. This has in fact led to confrontation between those on the one hand who claim to hold that the Scriptures are literally the Word of God, dictated by Him and therefore always right and true; and on the other those who would claim that though God has spoken through the Scriptures and still does so, that cannot possibly imply that they are free of any kind of error.

There are two current issues about which swathes of the Church are all steamed up; the ministry of women, particularly the consecration of women as bishops and the acceptability of homosexuals, particularly in the ranks of the ordained ministry. On the first of these issues conservative theologians and Church leaders say that although the idea was never ruled out in the Bible, the fact is that Jesus only chose 12 men as his apostles. On the second issue, there are several passages of Scripture which plainly condemn some homosexual practices.

In both cases the counter argument is simply that there has been a vast cultural shift over the many centuries since the Scriptures were written; and many things that were once condemned are no longer so treated by anyone. Who for instance nowadays fights over whether or not women must wear hats in church? Furthermore the Bible tells us that the Holy Spirit will lead us into all truth - a very different thing from saying the Holy Spirit has already done that.

What concerns me, just as it concerns our Archbishop and many, many others, is that we should be able to disagree in love. Argument is good and necessary in order to get at the truth of any disputable claim to factual certainty. Absolute certainty is not obtainable about anything anyway. We ought to learn to tolerate anyone else’s outlook except intolerance.

The Good Friday agreement in Northern Ireland was a wonderful demonstration of the value of confronters becoming ready to listen to each other with a genuine longing for compromise and working together for the common good, for concord. We should never tire of listening to those with whom we disagree. In any confrontation the one party that is sure to be wrong is the one that is sure it is right.

--Peter Graham
e-mail peter.graham[at]bucklandnewton[dotcom]

Posted by LYT at 1:52 PM | Comments (1)

July 13, 2008

ADD Music fest, downtown LA, yesterday.

A fundraiser for the upcoming Downtown Film Festival, programmed by the guys who usually bring you the Silver Lake Film Festival (which was on hiatus this year, but will be back in '09).

A special thanks to Roger, who gave my broke ass a twenty to spend on food and booze ("It's all coming back to me anyway.")

The burgers were absolutely amazing, courtesy of the Blue Dahlia restaurant. I wondered why they were so thick, then bit into them to find that the beef patty was stuffed with barbecue-style short rib meat. Toppings included grilled onions, cilantro, Thousand Island, and a slice of smoked cheese. Magnifique.

The main stage:

The audience, around 4 p.m.:

Between sets on the mainstage, a secondary stage that transformed out of a bus featured this band, The People's Party, who've been playing Obama rallies nationwide:

Colorful Obama merch. The nearby stand featuring wood cutouts, many of which featured "Support our troops" type messages, didn't seem to do much business.

Sculpture from the art gallery next door:

This li'l dude represents hangovers. Burden on your back, angel wings promising never to do it again, devil of a headache...

Bringin' sexy upfront:

So how can water be sexy? Glad you asked. The HEATHERS stereotype of bottled water being for gays is about to be challenged...

A nearby furniture store specifically aimed at loft-owners. Heavy on the neon beer signs.

Posted by LYT at 8:25 PM | Comments (0)

July 11, 2008

A few really short reviews

Been seeing a lot lately, both new and old, and don't really feel up to writing full reviews of all of them.

So I'm going to try the patented Matt Welch five-word technique.

THE SEARCHERS: Bona-fide classic; Wayne awesome.

FIVE EASY PIECES: Familiar by osmosis; finally experienced.

THE VISITOR: Immigrant teaches Whitey rhythm. So?

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: Solid concept Levy can't ruin.

WALL-E: Idiocracy, Silent Running mesh well.

THE GRUDGE 2: Worse than lame Japanese sequel.

HANCOCK: Not what you expect -- weirder.

Posted by LYT at 5:35 PM | Comments (2)

A word about Batman

I've seen THE DARK KNIGHT already, but have given my word not to run a review online till opening day.

Come Thursday night at midnight, there'll be much to read here.

Just thought I'd taunt y'all with that.

Posted by LYT at 3:45 PM | Comments (0)

Quickie Reviews...

First, Homo Erectus:

Once a reliable indicator of quality laughs, the National Lampoon brand nowadays is as ubiquitous and meaningless as a positive review quote from Larry King, which makes it strange to see a movie written and directed by Adam Rifkin thrown into the mix...

Second, Meet Dave:

Aliens haven't been portrayed quite like this since the heyday of Ed Wood: They wear gray bodysuits, speak English and manage to be confused by the most basic of bodily functions, despite their technological advancement...

Posted by LYT at 1:02 PM | Comments (0)

Readers, help me out

Mad Cowgirl has a Wikipedia page. I need someone to start mine.

UPDATE: One reader tried and had the entry deleted. I suggest emphasizing acting, criticism, and blogging.

Posted by LYT at 1:50 AM | Comments (5)

July 10, 2008

Remake Ready

Hollywood’s abuzz with remake fever, without much regard to how much sense an update would make – RED DAWN and ROBOCOP, for example, seem like really bad choices for “new and improved” treatment, the former because it’s so era-specific, the latter because the original is a perfect movie. But there are many, I think, that do make sense. I mentioned SILENT RUNNING last month, and indeed, WALL-E draws strongly from both it and IDIOCRACY, which is interesting given that our regular commenter ReJeKt actually suggested a commonality between the two before knowing that Pixar had apparently made that same connection.

And now I have two more to add, recently viewed via the awesome wonder that is Netflix video-on-demand. LOGAN’S RUN and DEATH WISH, the former reputed to be an upcoming remake in Bryan Singer’s hands, and the latter a pet project of Sylvester Stallone. In both cases, I find the originals to have many strengths, though they fall short of their ambitions...and that seems to me a pretty good reason to have another go (both are based on books, too, though I’ve read neither).

LOGAN’S RUN first. As you probably know if you’re even vaguely into the same sort of stuff I am, this movie is set in a domed city of the future as envisioned by the disco ‘70s. Everyone is pretty; every need is catered for. The only catch is that when you turn 30, you either suffer execution, or you enter a ritual called the Carousel, in which a whole bunch of people stand in a giant wind tunnel, get sucked up to the ceiling, and explode; it is believed that those who are thusly vaporized get reincarnated as new babies.

The only other option is escaping the city, but standing in the way of that route is a security force called Sandmen who, much like the Sonderkommandos in Nazi concentration camps, get maximum societal perks in exchange for enforcing the rules, usually by capturing or blasting any “runners.” Logan (Michael York) is one such sandman.

The city is run by a female voice that may or may not be a computer, and one day it assigns Logan an undercover mission: he must pose as a runner in order to find the “Sanctuary” that certain would-be escapees talk about. With the aid of a reluctant hooker (Jenny Agutter), and without the knowledge of his colleagues, Logan must try to escape...and learn a little more about the world outside. If you’re thinking there’ll be an obligatory shot of a famous Earth landmark in ruins at some point...you are of course correct.

It’s a good story with a well-defined sense of jeopardy, and appropriate performances by York and Agutter, but my most major problem is that too much is unexplained. Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m a big fan of randomness, and I do like the sequence involving a chrome-plated robot who stores humans in an ice cave for no apparent reason. But never do I get any sense of WHY the society must function as it does. In SOYLENT GREEN, for example, there’s a reason why Soylent Green is people: the Earth has run out of food, and old people die voluntarily. Something like that is needed here, because there’s no compelling reason for the killing of 30 year-olds. Overpopulation doesn’t seem to be a problem, and a few good thirtysomethings could help with rebuilding the outside world. The Carousel is extravagant in its pointlessness, possibly a jab at organized religion similarly having wild theories about life after death. Yet even a critic of religion would have to acknowledge, for example, that strict “Thou shalt not” rules may well have been essential to the survival of a nomadic tribe living in the desert several thousand years B.C. Any sense of how the Logan’s Run rules came to be (other than “it’s post-apocalypse, so there”) could improve things. And who is running the city, anyway? A computer, or a person? For a computer, it isn’t very logical.

I would also like to add that anyone who thinks models are always better than CG for special effects needs to watch LOGAN’S RUN. The cityscape is quite blatantly a toy, and I would prefer even a halfway decent CG-scape to doing anything remotely like it again. Sure, it’s more “tangible,” but it looks like something a five year-old might smash on his bedroom floor by stomping on it. I don’t think it kills the movie, nor do I blame a movie of that vintage for it, but it’s something that can be improved upon today.

(Oh, and Netflix? Why is this only available on-demand in full-frame pan-and-scan?)

In Bryan Singer’s hands, a remake could be very effective. I look forward to seeing what he’ll do with it.

Moving on...DEATH WISH is downright quaint by today’s action/revenge standards, so much so that when the critical, plot-driving assault happens, it comes as a shock that one of the victims promptly dies and the other loses her mind completely; in a current movie, the violent act would have left both even more bloodied, yet we’d fully expect them to both pick up guns and kick some ass afterwards. Times do change.

Need I recap the plot of this? Architect Paul Kersey (Charles Bronson), a nominal liberal, turns vigilante after his wife and daughter are attacked by a group of robbers led by Jeff Goldblum, in what may be his first speaking part in a film. Rather than actually track down the responsible parties, however, he simply walks around dangerous parts of New York at night, and when threatened, responds with gunfire.

After the first such act, he rushes home and vomits. But this is much like the reaction of a college boy to his first taste of beer, or a junior high kid smoking his first cig...in no short order, the revulsion has turned to addiction. The cops feel obligated to stop the mysterious vigilante, but with crime rates dropping as a result, they really don’t feel so strongly about it.

In a particularly amusing anachronism, Paul’s first gun is given to him in the form of a wrapped farewell gift at an airport, right in front of the ticket counter...you know, that same ticket counter where the first thing they ask you nowadays is “Has anybody given you any unfamiliar items to take with you on your flight?”

The biggest problem with DEATH WISH, and I’m surprised to be saying this, is Bronson. I love the guy in THE DIRTY DOZEN and HARD TIMES. He’s a bad-ass. But in this movie, his performance is weak stuff. Perhaps part of that is that the way the character is written, at least for the screen, is so hopelessly contradictory: He’s a Korean war veteran, but he was a conscientious objector, and thus was assigned to medical duty (alongside Alan Alda, one imagines with a smile). He is also a bleeding-heart liberal and environmentalist, yet came away from the war he didn’t want to be in with crack shooting skills. During the course of the movie, he comes to define the stereotype of the conservative as liberal who’s been mugged, and live out the NRA fantasy of self-defense. It’s appealing, until you stop and think that maybe the death penalty isn’t warranted for a petty mugging.

But none of this character arc is evident in Bronson, whose sleepy delivery plays like a Harry Shearer-voiced bit-player on The Simpsons. We know Bronson can be a tough guy, but not so much the mild-mannered guy; he seems to be trying to split the difference the whole time, when a better choice might have been like Schwarzenegger in TRUE LIES, where it’s simply a huge in-joke that his family thinks him a mild-mannered guy. To add a modern contrast, I vastly preferred Jodie Foster’s vigilante turn in THE BRAVE ONE, and found it more convincing. That basically was a DEATH WISH remake, but a more official update may be coming with Sylvester Stallone set to star and possibly direct.

Believing that Sylvester Stallone is a bleeding heart softie may turn out to be a stretch also, but I know he won’t skimp on the rage factor.

Posted by LYT at 5:35 PM | Comments (15)

Dave White and Alonso Duralde get legally married

Best wedding video ever...

Dave & Alonso Get Married (at the La Brea Tar Pits) from Graham Kolbeins on Vimeo.

Posted by LYT at 12:02 AM | Comments (1)

July 9, 2008

ANNOUNCED: My newest movie project!

Brandon Goes Mainstream (The New Cast of APSK3D)

Brandon, aka Shane Ryan, has cast real horror and real porn for “Amateur Porn Star Killer 3D”. The first two APSK films paired Ryan with co-stars Michiko Jimenez and Kai Lanette, both of whom had never acted before. It worked in their favor as it gave the films an ultra-realistic feel with entirely improvised roles. For APSK3D, however, Ryan decided to get real horror actors (and real porn stars) to mock his successful underground trilogy (a non-3D APSK3 with also be shot for the DVD release later this year).
http://alteregocinema.com/Features/AMATEUR3. html

Elissa Dowling (“Black Dahlia”, “Transmorphers”), Jeff Dylan Graham (“Dead Clowns”, “Terror Toons 2”), oddball critic/actor Luke Y. Thompson (“Mad Cowgirl”, “Wicked Lake”) and cult journalist/scream queen Heidi Martinuzzi (Troma’s “Slaughter Party”) have all joined the cast along with tattooed bad girl porn star Regan Reese, thanks to Society 1 lead singer and porn producer/director Matt “The Lord” Zane (http://youtube.com/ZaneEntertainment). Ryan is also talking with Regan about starring in the other APSK3 version. There are talks and rumors of more joining the film later, with cult producer Mike Bilinski (“Evil Bong”) recently on board as well (http://brightsideprod.com/).

“It pretty much started with Elissa”, says Ryan, “who about nearly knocked me out for not casting her in APSK2. I just didn’t think actors who have starred in movies I see at Hollywood Video would want to work on a 20 dollar budgeted sex fueled horror film with no crew. But she made me realize that wasn’t the case. And of course Elissa knows Jeff who knows Heidi who was actually the first to respond well to the APSK series and it just has had a great domino effect from there. So, we got some great indie horror actors and porn stars this time.”

“It’s amazing how this whole APSK thing started as a fluke”, admits Ryan. “I never even liked horror movies.” The young filmmaker started directing so he could get acting parts and began with tackling serious issues like depression, rape, incest and murder, for the psychological side of it. Realizing horror had a much larger outlet for indie filmmakers he decided to add that element to APSK in order to get attention. “Now I’m kind of stuck, I guess. I rather make a movie like ‘Once’ or ‘Sleepwalking’. I shot a film in early 2003, a quirky romance”, much in the style of the new mumblecore movement (way before the term existed), “just can’t seem to find the time to finish editing it.” That film, “The More The Better” has an official page with a couple of online clips:
http://alteregocinema.com/Features/MOREBETTER.html

Ryan has been stereo typed in the past as being an “August Underground”, “Guinea Pig”, “Faces of Death” fan (or rip-off artist) who wants to further disgust and offend audiences with realistic snuff, when in fact “I’ve never seen any of those films nor do I care to. I didn’t even hear of most of those until APSK was accused of ripping them off, go figure. Bottom line is I spent a couple years working on a big project that just didn’t have the funds or resources to ever be completed. So, I said ‘Fuck It’, grabbed a girl and a camera, and made a movie one night. That’s that. Now I feel like poking fun at it.”

Check out Ryan’s run in with police while shooting last month here:
http://pollystaffle.com/specialfeatures/shootingamateurpornstarkiller3d.shtml

Related Links:
http://www.reganreese.com/
http://www.elissadowling.com/
http://www.jeffdgraham.com/
http://lytrules.com/
http://www.thehorrorpost.com/
http://alteregocinema.com/

APSK Distributors
http://www.cinemaepoch.com/
http://www.kochdistribution.com/

I can't tell you anything about my role yet...

Posted by LYT at 10:22 PM | Comments (7)

July 7, 2008

LA Times reader comment of the day

A man named John Trask complains about newspaper delivery:

I was a Times subscriber for over 40 years, until last year.. Home deliver[y] had become a real annoyance. Papers in the gutter, or delivered late, or not delivered at all. My complaints to customer service had little effect. Finally I found myself speaking with a representative in an off shore call center. When I told her that my paper was in the gutter again for the umpteenth time, and that it should be thrown behind the apron she asked: "What's the apron?" I informed her it was where the driveway meets the street." To which she asked, "What's a driveway?"

Posted by LYT at 8:15 PM | Comments (0)

July 6, 2008

Michael Collins at the LA Press Club Awards

One of my favorite ex-drinking buddies (dude's totally sober now, but still acts way too happy sometimes!), and environmental reporter extraordinaire, has a couple of pics of me on his site, along with this line:

"Award-winning writer and bon vivant Luke Y. Thompson is one of Denise and Michael's favorite club members."

I'll add only that when Michael complimented my OCW feature story on water pollution that ran the day I got fired, it was all the vindication I needed.

Posted by LYT at 9:40 PM | Comments (1)

Bullshit

"Jesse Helms was a kind, decent and humble man and a passionate defender of what he called 'the Miracle of America.' So it is fitting that this great patriot left us on the Fourth of July" -- President George W. Bush.

Um, no.

Jesse Helms was an unrepentant bigot who delighted in gloating at the defeat of his rivals. To imagine that liberals opposed him simply because he was conservative is the equivalent of imagining that they dislike David Duke simply because he identifies as Republican.

To find an equivalent to Jesse on the left with any kind of significant political office, you'd have to go to red China or North Korea.

Let us not forget his threats to then-president Clinton, that if Clinton were to visit North Carolina military bases, he had better bring a bodyguard.

Jesse Helms hated black people and gays, and said so repeatedly. If he were running for office today, all my Republican friends would be desperately trying to distance themselves from him. As a former resident of North Carolina, he was an embarrassment to all of us.

And to them, I would add this: People like Jesse Helms are the exact reason why people like Jeremiah Wright are so irrationally pissed off at all white people.

The only positive thing I can think of is that he was a Ric Flair fan. I hope that in his last days, he was able to let go of all the anger and hatred that so obviously consumed him.

Posted by LYT at 3:45 AM | Comments (1)

July 4, 2008

Jesse Helms, dead on the fourth of July

Well, at least he won't have to live to see a black president. That would have given him a heart attack.

Posted by LYT at 12:57 PM | Comments (2)

July 3, 2008

How about Condi for Veep?

It won't happen, but I find it a fascinating hypothetical nonetheless -- what if John McCain picked Condoleeza Rice as his running mate?

It would send a hell of a signal. In another year, it would be a riskier move because it might send racists over to the Dems. But this year, it would say to the world that there is no room in either major party for people who hate blacks. It would say that even if the "Southern strategy" worked in the past, it was the wrong thing to do. And I think the McCain of old, the one smeared by Rove as having a black baby, might have embraced the "fuck you-ness" of it all.

It would also be an interesting way to court disgruntled Hillary voters who only want to vote for a ticket with a woman on it. It would practically force Obama's hand into countering with Hillary as his veep. Depending upon whether or not you think Hillary is political poison, that could be a good move.

It won't happen because McCain is trying to play everything safe, and also I don't think Condi's up to it. But it sure would make things interesting.

And incidentally, Hillary-ites, there will almost certainly be a female candidate in November -- Cynthia McKinney is the most likely Green party candidate. If you must cast an anti-Dem protest vote, pick McKinney, and as a bonus no-one can call you racist over it. She's more feminist than McCain, that's for sure.

Posted by LYT at 6:59 PM | Comments (4)

July 2, 2008

New old Jersey

Just watched most of Kevin Smith's JERSEY GIRL on TNT, with obviously edited profanity. So I don't know if this counts as a proper review, but at last I feel qualified to speak on it.

For those that don't know, this is the other movie (not GIGLI) where Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez get romantic, but she dies early on, leaving him with a kid. He's a hotshot publicist, and a thoroughly neglectful dad, and when his father (George Carlin) finally resists being a non-stop babysitter, shit hits the fan, as fatherhood and job-hood collide.

A few years later, Ollie (Affleck) is working as a garbageman alongside his pops. And he starts to fall for a video store clerk played by Liv Tyler.

That's about it, plotwise, and it's weird to see Kevin Smith working with such a conventional formula -- the sentiment of being a new father was clearly getting to him.

Now, while I admit that this movie works to a degree -- I'm getting sentimental about family ties the older I get -- it is also full of dishonesty, and that pisses me off.

-- Successful male publicists are usually gay, first of all. Trust me, I work with lots of 'em.

-- I do not buy for a second that Will Smith regrets his acting career because it takes him away from his kids. Especially since his son co-starred with him just over a year ago.

--Ben Affleck should never have to do crying scenes.

-- Liv Tyler, upon meeting Affleck's character only twice, suddenly offers -- nay, demands -- that he have sex with her, once she realizes he's in a long dry spell. I don't see that happening in reality for a garbageman, even one who looks like Affleck.

-- We get the usual "career-versus-family" shtick, and may I say I hate when successful Hollywood directors lecture the rest of us about how success isn't important at all. There need not be as much conflict between dad doing a job he loves and the kid being happy than is made out here. Kids are resilient, and while I don't endorse parents who move house all the time (been a victim of that, thanks), the idea that moving from Jersey to NYC so dad can do a job he's actually good at will devastate the daughter, who'll likely end up in an even better school if dad prevails, is ridiculous.

-During a scene where we get to see that Ollie "still has it" as a PR guy, Smith does something I find inexcusable: he doesn't let us see how. Rather than show Ollie actually spinning and winning townspeople over, he drops out the sound and makes the scene a montage, so we just have to take his word for it that Ollie's good, rather than actually seeing it in action.

Kevin, if you believe half the crap you're peddling here, quit making movies. Let your wife be the breadwinner, and spend every waking hour at home with your daughter (named Harley Quinn, alas). Otherwise, you're contradicting the message of your own film.

Posted by LYT at 2:11 AM | Comments (3)

July 1, 2008

I just had some professional headshots done

This one's all-purpose:

And this one's for villainous roles:

So, my filmmaker friends...if you got sent these, would you toss 'em, or keep 'em?

[these are far from the only images in the set, but among the best]

P.S. - the photographer, John Gilhooley, needs more business. If you think these are well-taken, and are interested in getting a good deal, contact him at johngilhooley.com.

Posted by LYT at 4:22 PM | Comments (2)

Final LAFF 2008 post...

Sample...

In the decades to come, when James Cameron’s dream of every movie being in immersive, lifelike 3-D becomes reality, perhaps people will watch JOURNEY and criticize its poor grasp of science, or the oddly creepy way it pits a 13 year-old boy and his 40 year-old uncle as romantic rivals for a 20-ish girl. Perhaps, like the unfortunate audiences who will see this thing in flat 2-D in some theaters, they’ll criticize the obvious lighting mismatch in the bluescreen scenes (see picture above). Maybe they’ll wonder how appropriate it is that a 3-D family movie gives us at least one decent look at a wet T-shirt in 3-D.

But for right now, they’ll shut the f**k up about all of that, because the 3-D will blow you away.

Read the whole thing...

Posted by LYT at 12:18 AM | Comments (0)